Am I being unreasonable to my ex?

[Goingcrazy123]

I left my partner 10 months ago. We weren't married but together 15 years. Have a 7 year old daughter together. He had house when we met and I had 2 flats which I rented and then sold. As we didnt need to divorce I moved out to nearby rented house and he gave me £3000. I have been claiming Universal Credit as I'm self employed but dont earn enough to support the house on my own. We share our daughter 50/50 7 days on 7 days off. He has just discovered 9 months on that he's could claim child tax credit if I wasnt already claiming it and wants me to give him half. I am a dog Walker and after about 6 weeks of me leaving he started refusing to let me see our dog as we had an argument about something. I have asked for months if we can do just once a fortnight when I collect him for a walk but he wont even discuss it. It took him 2 weeks to confirm that I could swap a night near xmas for lg to go to a pantomime with her best friend as it was a xmas present and I was even giving him an extra day too. Now he has asked for the money I have invited him to mediation as I believe I left the relationship with no where near the amount of money I should have. He will be mortgage free in about 5 years time I will have to rent forever. I have not said no to the money I just want to have a reasonable discussion with a independent third party so we can try to resolve all of our issues around communication etc. He has refused to come on the basis that he does not want to be ambushed by my issues and he cant afford it. I am trying to stand my ground that if he wont discuss my issues then why should I deal with his. He has said there is nothing to discuss and if I dont give him the money he will tell our child I'm the reason he cant afford to buy her things. He says I'm manipulating and controlling although I have always been the one who was controlled. He stopped speaking to my parents when daughter was 2 and they have never been allowed in our house since and he wouldn't let me take her to stay with them overnight as I was being unfair to him but they live 4 hours away from me. Should I give him the money so my daughter doesnt miss out or hold my ground for us to meet to discuss things. Any advice please as I'm really struggling with this. I have had years of being controlled and always doubt myself. I would like to have a good relationship with him for sake of lg but cant see it happening. Thanks

give him nothing!

Thanks Jaxinthebox. Love that reply

sorry, didnt want to read and run - but absolutely, not a penny.

He's still trying to control me. My mobile phone number is linked to his and I pay him for it. I have set up a new mobile contract in my name and have asked him to ring up and cancel phone and ask for a pack code (Im not named in the account so they wont let me do it) so I can keep the number I have had for 10 years which all my customers use. He is ignoring me presumably to wind me up as I wont give him the money if he wont go to mediation. I feel like he is saying I have no interest in dealing with any of your issues but if you dont deal with mine no questions asked I will bad mouth you to your daughter 😪 I get so upset and I know its probably what he wants so trying to ignore him

He had house when we met and I had 2 flats which I rented and then sold. As we didnt need to divorce I moved out to nearby rented house and he gave me £3000.

What happened to the money from your rental properties?

Likenpp I am interested to know where your money went too?

It disappeared into our household budget when we still lived together. I have pointed this out to him as a reason to go to mediation. As I see it he might be struggling financially now but when he is mortgage free which I believe is within 5 years he will have a secure home for life and I wont. I have spoken to a solicitor and could possibly make a claim but as we didnt have joint bank accounts its difficult and expensive to prove. I'm not really Interested in claiming against him just dont want to give him £140 a month for the next 10 years without discussing it first. He says there is nothing to discuss. The child tax credit is for her and we should share it 50/50 regardless of our financial situations as apparently it's not to fund my lifestyle 🤔 the child benefit (£84) goes into a separate account to pay clothes and all school expenses.

So I went into the relationship as a landlord and left with £3000 and now am a tenant. He stands by house was his when we met but he only own it for about 2 years and then I lived there for 14 and we had a child together. It was his decision to not get married as he didnt believe in it! If we had been married I would be entitled to so much more than I walked away with so feel justified in keeping the child tax credit

I'm not really sure what the rules are for tax credits when the arrangement is 50/50. But I'd say if his income is below the threshold that would mean he would be able to claim it, then I don't see why he shouldn't be getting some, if not half.

Yes, he doesn't sound like a nice person, but all that stuff about the dog and changing contact is irrelevant when it comes to the tax credits, and on the face of it you've made some pretty bad decisions that only you are responsible for.

Phone the tax credits people and ask them for advice.

Thanks popping off. Not sure that saying I've made bad decisions is entirely helpful. I chose to leave a bad relationship and give him 50/50 without going through courts so my daughter could have a happy relationship with both of us. It was to my cost but that's what I have to live with. The tax credit is only paid to one person and we have to agree between us how it is split. As I have said I have invited him to mediation to discuss it in a fair and controlled environment and he has refused.

Say no. Change your number . You need to disengage . Ask for nothing.

Grey rock