5 year old struggling

[Silentlysinking101]

Ex and I seperated last year, up til the last week I thought our 5 year old was coping well. Most of the time she is fine but when she is tired or grumpy she is lashing out with claims she is always sad now and she will never be happy again.

She overheard her dad on the phone to me 2 weeks ago when he said he wanted less time with her as he can never get stuff done with her under his feet. He works nights on a 3 on 3 off pattern. Contact is 50/50 and he has her all 3 days he is off so I do understand its hard and he needs time but I think it is too soon to alter things as she needs the routine and the stability.

I think some of this "always sad" is a reaction to hearing her dad and I have asked him to talk to her but I know he won't.

I don't know how to help her. I left so I know she is angry as hell at me and is confused by everything and it breaks my heart. I had no choice, I was dying and needed to leave. He did nothing particularly wrong we just didn't have a connection any more and the stress was destroying our friendship.

Any ideas how I help her please?

It’s hard as at 5 they know more than younger children but less than older ones. Just talk and reassure her, stay positive and always tell her how you both love her and do fun things. I left when my son was 18 Months so he’s always known it like this, he went through a period (2/3 years old) where he would be grumpy etc and I really blamed myself but he’s come out the other end. He has said before wow my friend lives with his mum and dad, my heart broke, but he knows lots of other people who’s parents live separately. It’s a shame she heard her dad say that, and I imagine she will always remember that, hopefully that won’t affect their relationship as she gets older. If he won’t talk to her (and he really should as he’s the one who said it and needs to take responsibility), then maybe you could just say Dad didn’t mean what he said, he said it in the wrong way and just meant.....

Thanks.

I have tried but I think she needs to. Hear it from him.

I could murder him for not making sure she wasn't in earshot.

It has taken 2 years of heartache to finally walk away. I tried everything to keep. Us together but it just wasn't to be. I never wanted to have her grow up in a seperated family and it is killing me that it is hurting her

I know how you feel, I never wanted it either, but if you weren’t happy your child would’ve seen that especially as she got older, better to make yourself happy and in turn she will be happy, it just might take a little while. I am now happy again, with a fiancé and a 5 month old baby, my son is 5, and my fiancé has an 11 year old, so one big happy family. My son see his dad every week and he has 1 year old girl now, so give it time and you will find happiness that your daughter will be part of, she’s still young and learning to adapt but don’t feel guilty if inside you know you’ve done the right thing.