Fence sitting school

[Hullabalooo]

My controlling EA ex is taking me to family court for custody if DC and has worked out a plan which when looking at it more in depth would make him the main parent.

Anyway that's not the issue I'm discussing now. I've been collecting paperwork from agencies I've engaged with as a result of ex behaviour and just requested similar from my child's school to support my response for no increased contact.

They've just sent me a total fence sitting BS response saying anything they send me they have to send to ex too. Which would basically play into his hands. No other statutory agency has done this, they have all just sent me the notes requested.

I'm absolutely livid that despite knowing the situation (countless meetings and me weeping on them) they're just being so crap about it. Especially when it was their assertion in the first place that my child was completely fine when he wasn't that was the leverage ex needed for court.

Anyone got suggestions about dealing with school on this front? Are they all like this? Or is mine just risk adverse? Or crap?

I've sent a snotty response in return as so $@%££ livid!

No experience as I didn't gather data from anywhere else in my cases. Posting in legal matters might get you advice from a solicitor.

Thank you.

Problem for school is that if he became resident parent, they would have to work with him every day, and their responsibility is to the children, not to you.

They can only report on events they have witnessed, not what you have told them. As you say, if school were to report that you have been "weeping on them" it would not reflect well on you.

They should be able to report whether or not the children have good attendance, appear clean and in uniform, behave well and are making academic progress.

Oh @newname yes I hadn't thought of that I suppose. Hmm makes more sense in that light.

Just feel like stuff they've said has exacerbated the problem but that now they're playing it safe haven't not previously.

What sort of things did the school say in the document?

Also, if you dont mind me asking, what sort have issues have you had with school?

I have the same issue, the school have made decisions in the past and claimed it was their decision to go that way but Im certain the ex has been threatening with breach of order. I do feel sorry for the school really, it cant be easy. My ex has been caught in actions that are nothing short of emotional abuse, the school let me know and said they had a strong word with the ex but refused to put anything in writing or log it as a safeguarding issue. Truth is I think they are scared of the ex because despite it being a lives with both order its not 50/50 so they see ex as "the main parent".
The school will do anything to stay out of parents' battles. And imo they should, theyre their to teach.

It is not the school's job to take sides in a dispute between parents. Quite the reverse - they have a legal duty to all the parents of a child, and they are also obliged under the Education Act to share information with all parents. You might find it helpful to read the government guidance for schools at www.gov.uk/government/publications/dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility/understanding-and-dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility

The school can only ever provide evidence of things that they have directly witnessed. That does not extend to things that you have told them in all those meetings you mention - that is pure hearsay, and is not admissible in court. They will therefore only provide information about things they have direct insight into - how your child seems at school, behaviour they have witnessed, and concerns that they may have about the child's wellbeing.

The school has a legal responsibility to act if they have any safeguarding concerns about a child. You have clearly shared a great deal of information about the situation between you and your ex. If the school are saying that they have no safeguarding concerns, that may be a perspective that is worth listening to. It is easy for all of us, when in the thick of a dispute with the other parent, to project our own feelings about that parent onto our kids. I have no idea what has been happening in your case, but it is often worth listening to the views of impartial professionals, whose primary concern is to the child rather than to either parent. Sometimes, the differences between their views and our own can be the most revealing thing about whether we are projecting. In any case, no school will ever take a view on which parent a child should live with, unless there are tangible safeguarding concerns that need to be taken into account. Expecting them to do so is not a reasonable ask of them.

One other thing - I don't know how "angry" your reply to them was. But they absolutely can give evidence pertaining to the conduct of each parent when dealing with the school, if that could be relevant to the court's decision. Something to bear in mind.

It is not the school's job to take sides in a dispute between parents.

This...

Thank you all for this.. It's been really useful to clarify what the role of the school is and I admit that I've misread the situation as a result.

I wasn't rude in my response more upset but have sent a further email apologising for that and acknowledging the impartiality needs of the school.

Really stressed at the moment so maybe I've had unrealistic expectations or hopes in this incidence.

Appreciate the heads up anyway.