Becoming a single mum

[Summeriscomin]

I have a tight feeling in my chest, a knot in my stomach. My head is flipping from “this is for the best” to “what are you doing to your life you fool. You’ll hate yourself. The kids will hate you.”

I’m so scared. I could cry at any minute.

I’ve been with him for 10 years. Since I was 18. And now I have two small kids who I need to do it alone for.

I basically done it alone anyway. He worked away lots. But now the realisation that I am alone makes me feel strange. If I pretend he’s just away to work abroad again I feel ok. But it’s the knowing that he isn’t there that hurts. Although I can’t continue the relationship because of his poor behaviour and trust issues so it’s makes sense.

He said he’ll move out but I don’t know when. Each day our amicable split pushes further away from amicable and closer to hostile. I think it’ll be easier once he’s gone. But the thought also terrifies me.

I have been sick with nerves.

Your thought processes are normal in the situation you're in.

Concentrate on what will be better once he's gone. What is the upside? You'll be able to parent as you wish, you'll be free of his poor behaviour, no more need to worry about the trust issues.

Yes.

Last night he woke the youngest due to playing his computer games and talking over the head set.

When I do the washing that he never does none of his shit will be there.

I won’t feel resentful for him getting the easy side of parenting.

I won’t feel angry about working and leaving the house at 7:45 not back til 5:00pm cos it’ll be all for our benefit.

He has the kids out this morning. They’ll be back soon then I think he’s going out with his friends. He hasn’t said. I wish I didn’t know as this just makes me sad and angry that he’s out enjoying himself whilst I’m sad but trying to put a brave face on try take the kids to the park.

How long does it take til the hurt stops. I wish I could take his photos off the walls and for everything to be better.

I'm in an almost identical position, same age, 2 young kids and h works away lots. We're just at the start of the process and I feel just like you. I read the relationship boards, iv yet to come across someone in similar situations to ours say they regret splitting. I saw some good advice which was to write down all the reasons why you wanted to split, putting it in writing will help you see things more clearly I suppose!
Stay strong!

summer your grieving the relationship you should have had that’s why you feel sad. I can bet my bottom dollar that when you you start coming through it he will start to massively regret what’s he has done.

I had physical heart pain when I broke up with my ex. But it does eventually go. Best thing I ever did as I was able to meet my Dh.

Single parenting is tough. But I got through it. Dig deep

So after a day of spending the day alone as a single mum he came home after a day with his friends. I felt weak and low and almost begged to give it another go.

I convinced myself I couldn’t do it. He said he wanted to give it another go too. He said he “just wants to do what he wants when he wants”...then I realised it wasn’t ever going to change and I’m a fool