I'll apologise in advance as this is going to be a long one, but I need to give some backstory and I would really appreciate any thoughts and suggestions on how to proceed please.
My son is five, has quite a severe disability and his father and I haven't been together since the pregnancy, however, we agreed to raise him together. Then he arrived and within a short time his dad decided to move abroad. We had a rough agreement that he would aim to visit once a month and call a few times a week. We also had a rough agreement that he would assist me financially which is the only thing he's been consistent with.
He now comes a around 5-6 times a year and doesn't really call in-between. He's only upped the monthly payment once since my son arrived (I sought advice at the time and apparently I was entitled to a lot more, but I wanted to keep everything on good terms so I let it go) and as it stands it works out at about a third of what my son's monthly costs equate to.
A few things happened recently that have brought everything to a head. Firstly, he locked my son in a room at the flat he was staying at and went to the shops - he then returned to find my son had let himself out, was terrified and crying and wandering the hallways of the block. Secondly, he claims he's out of money (he isn't) and he can't afford to pay to rent a car when he's here or book taxis, so he forces my son to walk much further than he can handle. I've been told by his specialists that if he keeps pushing himself he'll do permanent damage; I relayed this to his dad and it went in one ear and out of the other and no real effort was made to adjust the lengths of walking he made him do. The third thing to happen was that I asked for an increase in financial help as since my son started school, his costs have gone up considerably, which of course he rejected - I asked for an extra £12.50 a week.
I sent him an e-mail saying that he would need to agree to never leave my son on his own again, and he needs to start budgeting to allow for either a hire car or taxi when he visits to stop forcing my son to push himself beyond his ability. I've mentioned that he could come over less if the budget was really an issue (it really isn't, but if he's going to keep making that argument then I'm trying to find a way around it) but he rejected all of my ideas, just about acknowledged his wrongdoing with leaving him alone, and point blank refused to address the walking issue.
Because he was so unwilling to come up with some sort of compromise to address the three main points, I've said that I would only be comfortable arranging supervised visits between him and my son, as I just don't have the confidence in him to keep him safe or prioritise his safety and well-being anymore. He has said that he's going to get advice, so that's what I'm doing too, but in the meantime I would appreciate any thoughts on this.
Really sorry for such a long post - believe it or, I've actually edited this down!!