Holidays and Court

[SiempreDot]

I'm hoping for a bit of advice before I respond to my ex partner.

He took me to court for access for our two year old. He currently has every other Saturday until Sunday along with mid week tea time. The judge ordered no additional contact until June 2019 when he gets a Friday night introduced. In October, the mid week tea time will extend to an overnight.

As part of the order, he has 14 additional nights per year for holiday. He emailed me late last week with his proposed holiday dates.

From the start of May until September, he wants to add a Thursday, Friday and Monday to his weekend, proposing six apparent holidays in 12 weeks.

I don't think it's within the interests of a two year old child for this amount of holidays, if that is his intention. I have concerns that he won't actually be going on holiday at all, but is simply using holiday days to circumvent a court order he didn't agree with. It would also impact on DS's nursery attendance. I had a letter from the CMS confirming he's made an application to lower maintenance so I suspect the basis for his decision is to reduce maintenance earlier than September.

I don't want to refuse all the holidays, but I think it's largely ridiculous if I take him at face value and accept he does want to take him away Thursday til Tuesday every other week.

I'm proposing DS go on no more than two holidays within a 12 week period, one with each parent. For a child who isn't robust and does experience anxieties with unfamiliar experiences, I think this is reasonable.

I just don't know what to say, and I don't know how the law works because he does have court ordered holiday time, so which one trumps which? I do feel that holidays have a legal meaning and shouldn't just be used to bump up overnight stays when the court has so recently made a ruling on this.

Anyone have any advice on how to proceed?

It is a request . I would say no.

He is turning himself into the rp through the back door .

Do you work you are entitled to quality time with her too.

Sorry I read it wrong eow would be holiday.

But still agree something more reasonable

It's a request, just say no I don't think that pattern is appropriate. A full week at a time twice per year as the CO intended.

Would a whole week plus his time, so 9 days in all be better for your child?

That's a long time for a 2 year old too

He's not able to take him for longer than 4 days at a time at the moment.

I don't believe the configuration of these holiday days are in the best interests of a child. I think a five day holiday every two weeks for three months is slightly ridiculous and not really conducive to his welfare

Those 14 days are for the whole 12 months including Christmas period so just say not in DS best interests. Not appropriate for hem to be used to have 50:50 care for 6 weeks period of time.

He's probably just trying to see his son more?

I dont think that is strange at all. I'm not sure why people would be surprised that a parent would try and add to a very short court mandated contact period?

It’s either this or you go without seeing him for 14 days when he’s in holiday in one sitting. He does sound like he just wants to spend time with him

You won, OP. Your son and his Dad have very little time together. Out of curiosity, why did he have to take you to court for access?

The holiday time is court ordered - they are entitled to have that time together. It is starting to look as though you may just be throwing obstacles in the path of them spending time together.

Why not give a little on this? Yes, he gets more time with his son for 6 weeks, but it comes at the cost of not being able to take his son away for a longer holiday. I'm sure that those trade offs are difficult ones for your ex to make. If you can get to a place where you can co-parent more effectively, and don't have to resort to litigation, that must be in the best interests of your son.

It's all about Ex's motivation isn't it...

CO wants a slow build up to increasing contact to 2 overnights in a row, his father wants to circumnavigate that...

Father making and application to reduce maintenance, funny how 50:50 contact would skew that assessment (although you can counter argue it is overnights over a whole 12 month period which is CO and can be proved)

Father about to apply to court again in September and can say we've had 50:50 contact for at least 6 weeks that is the new normal and I want it to be maintained.

Once the increased night is awarded in June I personally would say you want 6 weeks of that (ie 3 weekends) established before doubling it to 4 nights in a row and I think that is a fair and child centred reason to go back to your ex with. His reaction to that will be telling IMHO.

As you say OP he at the moment cant see the dc for more than 4 days, so it would appear he's trying to use the holiday appropriately. Not saying he is but you have too work out when and when not to say no to his requests.
Especially if your just out of court.