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Bully school mum

17 replies

Tills85 · 24/02/2019 09:50

This is a bit of a different one because it is not my child being bullied directly but I am and he is through me. Iwork full time and therefore my hours don't allow me to drop off & pick up my DS to & from school. So he goes to clubs, my friends help me & on couple of days my ex does it. I pick him up once a week. I don't judge people who don't work, their life choices, circumstances. I do not care. But turns out other people do.

There is 1mum that i see for 5 minutes outside school 1 day a week & also at birthday parties (which i hate btw). They are clicky & competitice. Anyway i don't know the woman, until few days ago i didnt even know her name. I doubt she knows mine. But forsome reason she has got it in for me & my DS. At first i didn't realise because I ignore things like that and don't get involved. I pick him up from school, take him to parties. Thats it. But everytime I see her she makes a snidy comment about me or my son. She once made a sarcastic comment about the way i was dressed when i turned up to a spotts day (i have a professional job & certain attire is expected) because I was wearing heels & a suit not trackies. May I add i have NEVER missed my DS play, parents evening, sports day etc. Another time at a party there was few mums talking & all of a sudden she commented on my DS behaviour because "poor child doesn't know whether he's coming or going" with different people picking him up. I was so shocked that I litrrally forgot how to speak. But it was a kids party i left it again because it is not a time & place to argue or confront someone. Few weeks ago another party, another conversation (even though i stay away from her she always comes up to me & whoever im speaking to) talking about kids eating. I said that im luckh because my DS is a great eater & always has been. Her comment to that was"well there has to be 1 thing he's good at"... again I was shocked & my frirnd picked up on it she was shocked too. Another week another party. Stayed as far from her as possible. All day. Yet by the end she came over to say my DS smacked her DD on the bum! Soft play kids running everywhere and i knowmy DS was nowhere near cher DD as he was playing far away with boys.
I need some advice. What would you do? I told my DS not to play with the girlbut its school they will anyway and they are 6 they don't understand. But I don't understand. I feel bullied & i don't know why. I don't know her. She has it in for us and I am at the end of my tether with it. Should I speak to school? Confront her? What do I do? Im so angry & frustrated. Thank you

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 24/02/2019 09:54

Don’t speak to the school. I would confront when she makes those kind of comments “What do you mean by that?”

Longtalljosie · 24/02/2019 09:56

There’s nothing you can say to the school really. I’m afraid you’ll just have to rise above it. This kind of snide behaviour is a prime candidate for the “explain what you mean” response. Be constantly in wait for her comment, then ask her to explain. And then clarify, until she’s having to tell a group of people that yes, she really did say that awful thing. You obviously bother her. It’s her stuff, not you Flowers

Wintersnowdrop · 24/02/2019 09:58

She probably makes the same sorts of comments about everyone. Maybe she has low self esteem and makes herself feel better by bitching about other people. I would speak to the school about it and avoid her. I remember when my ds was in year one, one of the other parents approached me and said my son had been hitting hers with a stick . I spoke to the teacher and she said all the children had been playing Star Wars with sticks as light sabors and my son hadn’t been attacking hers at all. She advised me not to talk to the other mother and they would deal with it through school.

dartitus · 24/02/2019 10:00

The comments that she’s making just shows she’s childish and has nothing better to do. Be the bigger person and don’t rise to it or just directly ask her what her problem is.

Wintersnowdrop · 24/02/2019 10:01

Ha, looks like I’m giving different advice to everyone else :) . I’d still mention it to school though as they might know that the other mother is like it with other people and might be able to advise you.

Hollowvictory · 24/02/2019 10:04

@Wintersnowdrop school can't get involved even if they know the other mum is like it with everyone!
You can't say to the school that another parent is mean to you. What do you want them to do about it!!? Give her detention?

gobbin · 24/02/2019 10:05

Yes, call her out on it.

“Can you explain what you mean by that?”
“So what you’re saying is...”
“Can I just clarify that you said my DS is...”

Watch her squirm.

If she’s got the front to keep going, then you can come back with:
“Ah ok. I wouldn’t want you to be misinformed. The facts are...”
“I see. Well that’s your opinion.”

Stick to just one or two phrases, don’t get drawn into discussion.
Google fogging technique (dealing with bullying).

JRMisOdious · 24/02/2019 10:05

Sounds like she has the idea in her head that your son picks on her daughter.
Would just ask her, we seem to have upset you, how?
(Not suggesting that he/you have done anything at all, just an opener.)
If she does think there’s a problem, you can clear it up and if she doesn’t and is like it with everyone, it may embarrass her into leaving you alone.

showerpower · 24/02/2019 11:12

She's doing it because you're letting her and not standing up to it. Call her out on it, she'll soon shut up.

Starlight456 · 24/02/2019 14:44

I agree with everyone else I would call her out on it and on a positive note the big parties tend to dwindle at this age .

RaspberryBubblegum · 24/02/2019 14:53

I would say "excuse me?" at those comments. See if she'll repeat them to your face directly.

woollyheart · 24/02/2019 14:59

Yes, try 'excuse me, what did you just say?' and get her to repeat it in front of everyone.

Or just reply with 'Well, you seem like a lovely person, don't you?'

Ciwirocks · 24/02/2019 15:00

Yep, she definitely needs pulling up on those comments. She would probably panic if you did and not know what to say. She can’t possibly justify implying that a child is no good at anything!

poppingoff · 24/02/2019 15:04

What an awful human being! Stand up for yourself, and your child. I bet whatever you say, everyone else is thinking it. At least use the MN classic - "Did you mean to be so rude?"

Cow!

GregoryPeckingDuck · 24/02/2019 15:06

She’s just a weirdo. Don’t take it personally.

Lonecatwithkitten · 24/02/2019 15:46

I agree with poppingoff this is perfect for the mumsnet favourite of 'Did you mean to be so rude?'

Tills85 · 24/02/2019 20:40

Thanks guys just caught up.on your replies. Really appriciate them. I get angry with myself to for not being able to respond or stand up for myself straight away. But i will just ask the question next time. Thanks x

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