advice need ex & court after 4 & 1/2 year of no contact

[qwerty66]

hi, no contact nothing for over 4 & 1/2 years, not paid any money either and now out of the blue after we are settled in new house, bang court papers. ex friend gave our address away! not on birth cert. is violent, controlling, gaslighing, ghosting behaviour. police have been involved with Harrassment. wants access which i believe will harm my child, what do i do? anxiety is high, advice please

How old are the children?

Seek advice from Cafcass

child is 4 & 7 months he has a father figure in his life and is adament that he is his dad even though we both said hes not. i believe it is just cause me harm & control me. ex was hostile, jealous and horrible to my older child, he hurt her. slammed a door in her face, pushed her she was 6/7 at the time . thats why not with him i safe guarded my children and myself cause his voilence/drug abuse was out of control.

If not on bc he cannot get contact yet. He will have to apply for PR. However if he has a DNA test, and is found to be the father, he can then apply for contact. This does not mean he will get contact immediately, however it is very likely he may get some contact eventually. You have some time while he is applying for PR. Is the domestic abuse documented ? If police were involved you should be entitled to legal aid. You will need your crime reference number. Speak to your CAB , Coram Children's law centre or Local legal advice centre.

Sorry smaller he can have contact without PR, lots of people do.

Qwerty you'll have an appointment with Cafcass before the first hearing & you need to tell them all your concerns. They'll make an initial recommendation to the court & highlight the risks. With that history & being so long since he had contact, the court will be wary of allowing contact now. Even without the abusive past, his lack of commitment will be a concern. The court is likely to want more details about the abuse so that the risks can be fully assessed before contact can even be considered.

See if you can get any legal advice, it might be possible, depending on the evidence of domestic abuse - something from the police, GP, support agency etc is needed to get legal aid. Ring a local family solicitor to see if they think you can get legal aid.

aaahhh thank you that is reassuring Applesfortea. im just concerned for my son as has all the check points for adhd, i just it to be ok.

Applesfortea . I am sorry but it is you who is wrong. No court will entertain an application for contact from someone without PR, who claims to be the father unless mother has signed a Parental responsibility agreement. (which I doubt in this case)

Applications may be made by 'close relatives' .

Close relatives as defined under the children's act 1989 as ;

Brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandparent or step-parent.

Without PR being established the court has no proof that you ex is your child's father he is just a random adult trying to get contact with your child. CAFCASS will not begin to entertain that. !

He WILL need to make an application for PR - which I am guessing is the paperwork you have received. What does the paperwork actually say ?

I am well versed in this area as my DH has to go through it all to obtain contact to his child from a previous relationship that he didn't even know existed until child was 3.

As with pp - go to a legal advice service about obtaining legal aid as a victim of DV they will advise how to respond to this application. My suspicion is that you cannot do much about the pr application because he IS the father. However a good solicitor will be able to help you defend any application for contact (if he makes one) to supervised or indirect as he has been violent to your child.

smaller I'm 'well versed' in it too. It's my job. Has been for the past 20+ years. A dad does NOT have to gave PR in order to get contact through the court. The court will consider PR alongside the issue of contact.

hi has put on the form he wants access he hasnt as far as i know applied for PR. My anxiety is bad, he has lied to get the mediation form signed and they never sent me any paperwork. he has lied on the court paperwork too. Why should i have to upset my family to jump through hoops just cause suddenly his girlfriend is on his back bugging him? where was he in the last 4 years & 7 months? my son get anxious and this will confuse & deverstate him, plus we are going through diagnoses of sen. ex had my bank details all this time never thought to support my son either. im fumming. no letter box contact either nothing in 4 years & 7 months.

and ive not signed anything and will not be signing anything at all.

Sorry I don't know anything useful logistically, but just wanted to say that I realise this must be a really tough situation for you to be in, and shocking especially after all this time. I hope you get a positive resolution which keeps your son at the centre of it all and ensures he remains happy and safe.

ive been told lots that they just give 50/50 and im real worried about that. my son is real hard work, full on, hyper and i know this person wont give him the care and attention he needs, and it is to spite me the malicious lies he told ss proves it.

He's got a lot to prove before he'll have a chance of any contact. Your son being assessed for sen means there's even more to be considered before the court can even think of him having contact.
Make some notes before your appointment with Cafcass so you remember to tell them everything about his abusive behaviour, his lack of any interest or commitment & your son's own issues.
Shared care is only considered when someone has a really good relationship with their child & had a good level of contact already - which doesn't apply to your situation.

Indirect contact may be a start. Is he the letter writing sort?

lol no he isnt the letter writting type. thank you that is more reassuring.