DS 14 stays with his DF and SM 2 nights one week, 3 the next. The occasional extra over there as and when required and vice versa.
Recently he's been making the odd comment that he "can't be bothered going to dads", or if he's been there an extra night for any reason, then asking to cancel another night there (but never wanting to hurt any feelings by asking dad himself). Understandably.
When I ask him why he can't be bothered, etc. he says because dad moans a lot, just the usual really, do more studying, a bit less screen time than I allow, bed earlier at weekends etc. Nothing too major (if you're not 14 ) Or he'll just say he already told me, or "i already stayed there my nights for this week". On the whole, dad and I are pretty much on the same page when it comes to discipline, etc. He's a good kid, we're lucky so far!
My question is, do I address it in any way? I don't want him thinking he MUST go to his dads because that's what he's always done and it's what I want or need, but his dads always been decent and involved, so I also don't want to discourage him from going.
He has a new baby sibling over there now, so I don't know if dad is a bit tired and grumpy, or if dc is feeling pushed out in some way. I did feel they made a real effort before the baby was born to settle him in the new house, make a fuss of his birthday, etc.
He also has an older sibling who lives a distance away and basically only drops in every now and then. Hasn't stayed for months. I do think he resents that she gets to choose whether she comes over or not, and maybe feels she's favoured more when she's visits, but her and dad have always had much less contact time due to distance. I really wish the two DC could spend more time together, because despite the distance, they were pretty close until maybe 2 years back, and kept in regular contact even out with dads house, but DS is basically irritated by her just now and again I don't know if he's resentful of her not having to abide by dads rules, etc.
I don't want to rock the boat at all. I don't want him to feel I'm forcing him to go. At the same time, I'm thinking he's 14 and would exist entirely in his bedroom, on the football pitch, or at McD's if I let him!
I won't lie, I've also got used to my "nights off" and doing what I like those nights and I've always considered myself lucky to have that time if i wanted to date or whatever, but again none of that is a reason to force DS out the house 2/3 nights a week.
What do i do here?
Sorry, that was long.