Son moving away with father

[CreamyCoffee]

Hello,

I won't bore you with the details, but in a nutshell my son will be moving away with his dad. For a number of reasons, I know that it's for the best, but I'm finding it really hard, I had to take leave from work. I'm also preparing to take an exam in March for a course I want to start, but I simply can't get myself to focus. A part of me is telling me to make the best use of the extra time I'll have to focus on myself, be excited at starting projects that I always wanted to do etc...but I'm just overwhelmed by grief and can't find that spark to motivate myself.

What I struggle with, is the idea that was son will be away from me, although we'll keep regular contact via Skype etc...not physically having him with me, the void he'll leave behind. My ex has his son's best interest at heart and I trust that he'll look after him well. However, I can't help but feel grief at my son's leaving, my chest feels tight, I don't eat or sleep well, I have sudden outbursts and I already miss him so dearly, and he hasn't left yet!!!!!!!

With other family members, we're looking at fostering young children as my son is an only child, and I can't imagine living in a house without children, I love kids.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting, I suppose it'd be useful to hear how mothers in similar situations have coped, or things I could to ease this transition.

Thanks

I have no experience of this but can imagine how painful it would be. How often will you be able to see him? How old is he?

You need as much support around you as possible.

I'm not sure now is the right time to look at fostering. Would your head be in the right space? It's a lot to take on with your son going and starting new studies. How would your son feel about it?

Thanks for your reply Doyoumind. My son's a teenager, old enough to make decisions for himself, but he's still a baby to me!! They're actually moving abroad as my ex isn't from the UK, still within Europe though. I'm planning on going there to see him when I can.

I think I'm so dreading the void he'll leave behind that I just want to make myself as busy as possible, to fill the free time that I'll have as a result. We've talked to him about us fostering in the past, he's fine with it, we had tried when he was much younger, but the house then wasn't suitable...also, fostering is a long winded process before children are placed with you, so hopefully I'll have found ways to pick myself up by then...

My son did this last year. It is so hard. The only advice I can really give you is to take each day as it comes and take care of yourself. Give yourself a good year before making a decision on fostering. You need time to figure out how you feel x

Thanks for your reply nrpmum - how did you deal with the immediate aftermath of him leaving? Make yourself busy to numb the pain, or take time to 'feel' it, or something else?

Truthfully I kept busy, and cried a lot. We do have a fantastic relationship now, so to some degree I now feel it was almost a good thing xx

Sooooo, my boy just left to go with his father this evening... They'll be flying off this Sunday.. My son had to come back for something he forgot and I briefly got to see him before he left again..it was so unexpected that it strangely made things just a little bit easier... Now the house is silent, I think I'll go to gym early tomorrow and take it all out on that treadmill!!!! Dreading what's to come...

@CreamyCoffee it will make you feel better after you hit the gym, but be prepared for it to be fleeting. Keep talking here, each day will make it easier.