Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Ex in your house?

16 replies

flowerbomb99 · 11/02/2019 20:16

Do you/would you let ex's in your house to put child to bed for a weekend as a one off? Would you let ex have child at your house while you go out for a night? Do you/would you let ex stay over?

Ex lives 150 miles away and coming to see DS for a weekend

Usually in school holidays DS (4) goes to his house

He doesn't have a car so also asking for me to drive them around
Staying in a b&b (I've said it's not suitable for DS)
I'm thinking this is for DS sake but a bit weird and 3 1/2 years separated now

OP posts:
eve34 · 11/02/2019 20:30

I would let them stay in B and B or hotel. My two love staying in places like that. I wouldn't be happy with ex in the house. I am sure he would poke around.

Original poster
flowerbomb99 · 11/02/2019 21:26

Sorry that should've said air b&b and the ones he is looking at in his budget are not suitable as they are shared houses etc

OP posts:
WendyCope · 11/02/2019 21:35

Personally, I wouldn't as he would poke around and criticise levels of cleaning/where I put things/dust/recycling/fridge/food... you name it

But your ex might be nicer.

In theory yes, in practise absolutely not!

WendyCope · 11/02/2019 21:38

Can't he get a cheapie Travelodge or similar? I keep getting Premier Inn saying 30 pounds a night?

Mammatron · 11/02/2019 21:38

Yes my ex looks after our son in my house when I (rarely!) go out, as it's not possible for son to sleep at his. Doesn't bother me at all!

BeekyChitch · 11/02/2019 21:44

Why don't you drive half way to drop child off with ex on the Friday/Saturday then pick up again Sunday eve??

Original poster
flowerbomb99 · 11/02/2019 22:30

I usually do this or the whole drive there and back but this weekend is because he wants to watch son at football and other clubs he does at the weekends

OP posts:
Original poster
flowerbomb99 · 11/02/2019 22:41

What about driving him and son around for the weekend as he has no car? I just don't think it's fair on DS because he will be confused why mummy and daddy are spending the weekend with him when he's just used to me

OP posts:
eve34 · 12/02/2019 07:57

I would make it clear he has to make his own suitable arrangements. Travel lodge aren't expensive. And sort out his own transport. But I'm not feeling very charitable towards ex after six months of no child support. You have to do the right thing by your son. But not always easy.

Starlight456 · 12/02/2019 10:48

Who moved away because that is an awful lot of driving and fuel you are using.

He is your ex and yet doesn’t seem to figure that he needs to do his share of travel . as for driving him around .its no . People without cars have to learn to drive or learn to get around without a car.

I wouldn’t have an issue with air b n b so long as sipervised properly.

3babyxx · 16/02/2019 22:14

Hi I have 3 children .. my two youngest same dad he lives an hours drive and he never has the kids at his house he always comes down to me and stays here for a day or two it does drives me nuts! But the kids like it when we all spend time together so I think a one off if you get on would be nice for your child to see .. x

Original poster
flowerbomb99 · 16/02/2019 23:15

Thanks for your messages. Does it not confuse the little ones with having daddy in their house? I'm always worried when he's gone then I'm left with the questions and when I finally move on and meet someone it won't be able to happen then?

OP posts:
yesyesyep · 16/02/2019 23:23

It might be nice for your son to see you both together and getting on.

One of my friends is going through a tough time with her teenage son now. She split with his father when he was very young so he doesn't ever remember them together. He has always resented them not being together (in a child's eyes it's so simple!) and is lashing out now.

Perhaps that behaviour isn't typical, and parents split all the time and raise great kids, but thinking back, it would have helped if he had looked up from his school performances or football training to see both of his parents in the same place.

So it's not a bad thing you getting on. I don't think it will confuse your son, he will probably love having the people he loves with him for a day or too. What's more important than anything is that you all get on, not who lives where etc.

Having said all that though, chauffeuring him around is a tad cheeky!

Muddlingalongalone · 16/02/2019 23:27

I am unusual in mn world because I let my ex in to the house.
He left when dd2 was 4 months old.
From my perspective it is their home as well as mine & as he moved 150 miles away he can't hang around in the winter with them for a whole day every 2 weeks.
I would draw the line at sleeping over though - unless I was in hospital in an emergency or something.
I will 100% never let the OW in the house

3babyxx · 17/02/2019 00:37

It's just so normal for them to see because it's been happening since they were born .. but I see what you mean .. my youngest is 6 months so he don't know any better and my 2 year old used to fuss sometimes when he left but now he waves bye out the window .. he doesn't really ask for him in the week at all .. my 6 year old daughter sees me and her dad together too were really good friends . Him and his girlfriend come round to mine and my daughter don't question it either . I'm just luckily both my kids dads get on well and I get on mostly with them both

But if you find that your little one will ask and question it and will make it harder for you then don't do it .. x

littlebillie · 17/02/2019 07:53

Put your DS first, let him stay box up anything sensitive a leave with a friend or leave in the back of the cupboard

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.