Single mums to be

[Mscandylamb]

Hiya,
I created this thread because Im becoming increasingly aware how daunting and lonely being or becoming a single parent can be, so I'd like to hopefully talk and hopefully meet with other single mothers to be (im due 8th March) so got a few good weeks to go and I find at times I'm depressed because I dont have many friends if any... And family (which only consists of my mum and 2 brothers) I dont have much support because everyone is so busy with their own lives.. Well this is meant to be the happiest time of my life but im just worried about how being a single parent will effect me and my girl in the long run. I would love for any single mothers or mothers to be to reply to this post with your story, hopefully it can be the start of something new. Thanks all for reading, peace. X

Hi lovely, I'm single and 24 weeks with my first. My long term partner left me before we found out I was expecting. He wants to be involved in the baby's life but doesn't want me. I'm always down and I'm finding it harder every day. I too feel really alone as my family all live a few hours away.

Im not a mum to be or first time mum but I have a 21 month old, and 3 older children. My ex is absent. It has been hard but we get by. Try getting out
to some baby groups to make friends. I havent done it myself yet as I am very shy so its finding the courage.

Hi, I’m a single mum of one.
Being on your own can be lonely but there are plus points too. One of them is in the first weeks you can”nest” with your little one, and not worry about what anyone will think. I like being a single mum. My ds is happy and well balanced.
Are you all ready? Who will be your birth partner? How will you get to hospital?
I’m very envious.

@maybabymumma sorry to hear that, I think from how he has just left you like that he wasn't worth it to begin with, its up to you wether you allow him to see your child but dont allow him worm his way into your heart because it seems like he will just break it again. Aww I dont know where your based? because I too feel lonely and down at times and would like to make some local friends with mums to be.

@whatsthepointthen aww I hope one day you muster up the courage to go to a baby group. Im shy as well and often Im very quiet in big groups of people so it puts me off attending those sort of things... But when baby is born Im gonna force myself to start going. Making one friend is better than none.

@seniorschoolmum I hear you but the early stages of parenting are more than often gonna be hard especially with newborns and especially if you are a single parent who lives by themselves. There are pros to being a single parent - dont have to worry about in laws.. But I find people ask to many questions about who/where is the dad? like healthcare professionals and friends and even family. I'd rather have the father involved even if he didn't want to be with me romantically I could handle that.
Im not 100% ready still haven't got all my ish packed lol my mum is going to be my birth partner and hopefully I'll be taking uber or my brother will taxi me to the hospital depending on day and timing.
Dont be envious!! You got your ds im still waiting for my dd to arrive in style lol.

The one thing I forgot was a baby thermometer.
Nothing worse than being on your own with a sick baby at 3am and the nurse on the phone asks you for the baby’s temperature. Like I did! . Best wishes

Hey, I broke up with my ex's a week before I found out I was pregnant (he didn't want the baby). I spent my whole pregnancy worrying about being a single mum and what the future would hold but I can honestly say that since my DS arrived 9 months ago I have enjoyed every second and wouldn't have it any other way. I love that I make all the decisions myself and I don't have anyone questioning my way of parenting. My DS is such a happy content baby and I honestly believe it's because I also feel so relaxed and happy. Obviously there are days when it's tough but those days aren't any harder than my friends who are with their partner who work long hours. Try not to worry and enjoy your pregnancy, having your little one will be the most amazingly s rewarding time of your life. Don't let being a 'single mum' take away any of the wonderfulness each day is going to bring xx

Hi there!
I'm a single mum of one DS who is nearly one. Funnily he had the same due date as your daughter OP but he arrived early!
Being a single parent has been both better and worse than I expected!
Better because of the amazing bond my son and I have, I couldn't have imagined it, you don't have to negotiate any other relationship with a partner so I can parent him how I like and we are so close.
Worse because it can be really hard, particularly when one or both of you are ill! I really recommend trying to get a bit of a support system in place for when that happens.
It's not so hard to make friends with other mums if you get out and about to groups. Mostly mums are around and without partners during the week for the first year so you won't really notice the difference! The friends I've made have been really supportive.
I feel a lot more confident in myself than I did a year ago, I was nervous before my son arrived; and his dad has been even more useless than I expected but it's fine! We don't need him
Good luck hope all goes well with the birth and the early weeks OP

Hi :)

I'm due the end of June.
It's come as no surprise to anybody but him, that me and the babies father are no longer together. I never admitted it in posts before but I had actually tried to break it off before finding out about baby, but then decided to try and make it work. The more we talked about moving in together the more down I got and I realised I wasn't doing what's best for any of us, especially the baby, he or she doesn't deserve a miserable mum to start life with!

My own mum has been wonderful and I'm to stay with her until after maternity leave so I don't have to worry about rent/rushing back to work too soon, so I know I'm really lucky compared to many single mums. Most of my anxieties are around what his family will be like when I'm not there - even that's a bit irrational because they are nice people and as I'm planning to BF that would be a while anyway lol

I’m a single mum to a nearly 3 year old and have been since she was around 4 weeks. I get zero help. But you know what, I love being a single parent. Yes, there’s no denying that it can be very difficult at times. But the bond we have is amazing and I feel such a sense of achievement.

I am also painfully shy, but when she was 6 weeks old I started going to groups. The way I thought of it is that I’m not going for me, it’s all for her. I never imagined to make any friends, but I did and it’s been fantastic. I also found little negativity for being a single mum and instead other mums helped to build my confidence by saying that they didn’t know how I did it etc.

It is so amazing being a mummy and you will manage. Some days it feels like you’re just trying to get through the day, but the magical moments make up for that.

I send you all my hugs and best wishes. It’ll be a rollercoaster, but an amazing one 😊 Please keep us updated on how you’re doing. You can also pm me if you like?

I'm due on the 18th of March, and struggling with the idea of being a single mum. I've tried to make things work with the father but he just seems to have no interest, or if he does seem interested he'll then remind me that 'we're not together'. Some days are really tough, and I don't know what to expect really when baby comes.
It's super comforting to see positive experiences of single parenting and I hope everyone that's struggling finds their happiness! X

Has anybody got anywhere with regards to financial support from the father? I'm not sure how to broach it or what is normal!

I broke up with ex DH when I was 8 months pregnant, I have a couple weeks left to have baby still and have moved back in with my family, they’re being really helpful in every way I couldn’t have done it without them.
I know ex wants to see the baby although he doesn’t deserve to at all but that’s his dad I guess ..
I can’t imagine how much of a challenge it would be for mums living on their own but I know you will get through it and it will get better 💐

I’m 32yrs old, single and 13wks pregnant.
The father is my ex, we were together almost 2 years and had a really good relationship. He ended it when things got too complicated with his business. I was devastated and never got over it.
Anyway, we reconnected after several months and this is when I fell pregnant...
He went travelling for 8 weeks to the U.S and decided that was where he wanted to relocate to.
When I told him on the phone he instantly wanted me to get an abortion, (we’ve been through a miscarriage and an abortion before) I told him I was against it and it just didn’t feel right.
He started coming around after a few weeks and said he wanted to be involved- didn’t want a relationship though as he wanted his new life in the U.S to enjoy.
He has come home temporarily to sort out his failed business and he has now changed his mind and wants nothing to do with the child as it’s not fair on him and I’m being selfish. He said he wants to start a new life and enjoy it and it would be too hard for him to have contact with us.
He missed the first scan today which really upset me...I just don’t know what to do or think.
How can I do this on my own? My mother is not financially stable to support me, I currently live with her at her partners house who already makes it clear I’m not welcome. So I have no idea where I am going to live either. I feel so depressed with this situation when it should be such a happy time.
I also deep down want to keep the baby, but I feel pressured to terminate...my mum hasn’t said much, just that she thinks it would be best to terminate...I’ve told two friends who have been supportive and say I can do this and don’t need a man.
Have any of you got any advice? Please?

I’m 25 & will be 13 weeks today. We literally just broke up this week. On Tuesday we went for a scan found out it was supposed to be twins but the one sac had formed nothing. Tuesday night we were saying I love you and by Thursday morning I was being assaulted and he doesn’t care about the baby. All this while telling me he’d always dreamed of his own little family. I’ve just taken out a flat for us in my name and been here all of a month. I’m still trying to process everything that’s happened now I have to also think about being a single mom, contact with the police, restraining orders etc.

Overwhelmed doesn’t even describe it.
I have literally one friend supporting me right now and we’re only just friends again after a long falling out. I feel very alone, anxious and scared.

Hey :) I’m 30 weeks pregnant and have a 6 year old. I have been a single parent from day one. It is difficult and so so lonely but my best advice is to try and get yourself in a nice little structured routine if you can.
First probably least important one for some...I found routines keeping the house clean and tidy, cooking etc helped with my mental health and made me feel good about myself. But if your baby doesn’t sleep and you find it hard to do, don’t pressure yourself!!!
Secondly, when you are doubting yourself, ask yourself if you would say those things about another mum..when you think of saying something horrible about somebody else you realise how blizzard it is and how hard you are on yourself.
Thirdly, Are there any people you are close to or know well enough to invite over for dinner? You could make frozen pizza, garlic bread and salad..nothing fancy or time consuming :)inviting people over is a great way to have company without having to leave the house. People don’t also need to be in your situation, your age etc!! Maybe you know a nice older couple?

Fourthly, can you speak to midwife about referrals for support groups/mental health services if you struggle with mental health or think you might once baby is born.

Lastly, enjoy being a mum and all of those snuggles :) with my first, everybody said to me make the most of it, enjoy every second, don’t worry about this or that, you’ll never get those moments back but I was so quick to wish those baby moments away and the toughest times were experiencing the milestones alone but oh how I wish I could go back to my son being a new born and appreciating those moments so much more!! I love my son and I don’t want him to feel left out, but I’m sad this baby isn’t my first because I’ll never have that alone time with this baby like I did with my son - those lay ins after a late night of him crying, life not being rushed and busy with school runs, extra curriculum, clubs, no back chat, not having to be as careful about what I say during conversations, not worrying or questioning myself every 5 seconds about my actions and words, actually being able to think for 5 seconds alone without the words mum and why why why why why why is the sky blue. Lol but now I am trying to not wish away these moments either :P haha but life is so much easier when they are babies so really enjoy it because you’ll never get to do it all over again :).

Oh and there are pros of being a single mum despite the loneliness -
You can do things your way!
You won’t have to tidy up after a man.
No arguments.

Really hope you are okay and your birth goes okay and hope to hear from you soon! Where are you based?

Blizzard? Bizarre 😂 blame it on baby brain and it being 5.30am

I was a single mother for some years. One of my daughters is a single mum by her own decision, another is single after leaving an abusive relationship. My youngest sister became a single mum early in her pregnancy: again because she ended an abusive relationship.
We've all had different paths. And some of us had a much harder time than others in different ways. But - we've all made a success of it. Not always in financial terms, but emotionally we've come through crap and are now each so strong.
We all have wonderful relationships with our kids. We've survived, and thrived, and every dark, scary moment has been worth it.
We're very lucky in that I was tough as nails (just luck) and I have been able to stand by my daughters and sister with full support later on.
I think you have to try your best to find ONE source of support. Even if that's online. Somewhere you can offload and express dark thoughts if you need to.
Those of us with a loving mum/sister/friend have it much easier.
It's the mums who are isolated who I worry for. You need to find a source of companionship. Even if you start here.
There will always be someone who's been in your shoes. You just have to find them.
Women can be unbelievably strong and when you have a child who depends solely on you it's amazing what you can manage.
Don't be scared. I'm here to tell the tale and you will be too.

I was single all through my pregnancy and still single with my 7 month old, although I thought it as a shame my little girl's father didn't want to be involved, I can say I have never been happier (I was exicted to be a mum) and once baby was here it got better and better, I go to baby groups (free and paid) and I have met some lovely friends! Life is good right now! I wouldn't really want him to come barging in now, but if he does then he does!

Do you have a family around? I would be lost without mine - my mum is quite happy to have Emma if she's not doing anything. For example like last night - I went round to a friends to watch Game of Thrones and my mum had my little girl! I also work a few hours a week and my family have her then. I feel quite content and I am happy with hiw things are.

Eventually I would like to meet someone and have more babies though!

Sorry I didn't realise how long that was!

SP of a 6yo here...

SP can often be hard work yes but in many ways it’s also easier. Nobody to criticise your methods or second guess your decisions. If I wanted to alter my baby’s routine, or get medical treatment for him, or wean him off milk, or take him to the seaside for the weekend, or dress him in pink, or anything else, I’d just get on and do it. 100% responsibility yes, but also 100% power! No negotiating or arguing for hours/days first! It was really efficient!