Struggling to feel "me" since my Mum Moving in?

[Nofilter]

Hi,

Hoping for some advice.

I'm a lone parent to a lovely DD (2) and we recently moved to my dream property - an equestrian small holding in a rural village and I love it here and the lifestyle we now have.

However, as part of the move my Mum moved in with us. She's lovely and amazing with DD a really positive influence and her being here means we are all happy. Instead of being a bit lonely in a monotonous cycle of me and DD in a house there's atmosphere; dinners each night, laughter, all our animals (Horses, Dog, Mums Cats, Rabbits).. I can ride whenever I want, I'm a much much happier person and therefore influences me as a Mum.

BUT I haven't quite figured out how to feel like it's my house - Which it is...

I'm struggling a bit with feeling low in self esteem over my position as DDs Mum. We don't really communicate on who does what although Mum generally takes care of the house while I manage the business and everything beyond the front door so the land and horses...

I often feel lazy even though I never get a moment to myself - I'm either with DD, mucking out/doing horses or working on the business which supports us all financially - I completely manage and pay for all financial elements of all of our lives and am really happy to - as DD gets to only be with me or my DM. Great!

I just feel like I'm holding back a bit for some reason. The minute my DM goes away I have a spring in my step and run the household and DD and feel "in charge." Then she's back and I kind of spend more time in my room and don't feel that same happy balanced Mum...

It's like I regress to being a teenager in my DMs house even though I've grafted decades to earn this farm!

Someone did suggest making a "contract" of whom does what but honestly I think if we tried something like that with our really busy lives, things changing day by day (vet visits, land jobs needing doing like fallen trees and pipes leaking etc it's unrealistic - we just get stuck in right now come what may and muddle through and it works.)

But I can't shake this feeling...

Anybody experienced the same thing?

TIA xx

I definitely regress to teenagerdom when visiting my mum! It doesn’t seem to happen when she visits me though. And you don’t mention this happening before you shared this lovely new home. So I wonder if it’ll fade away when you find a way to feel more like this really is your home? You say your mum is in charge of the house - do you need to switch that round a bit so it feels like yours too?

Maybe Egro it's been non stop since we moved just getting used to it all so I'm hoping it will calm down a bit and we can make some choices like this...

That's reassuring to know it's not just me!

What kind of things do you think I could do to feel more "in charge"?

Mum does shopping/ cleaning / ironing etc I'm managing renovation and decorating and our farmhand who lives in and is also a decorated/carpenter.

The thing is a lot of what I do is on my laptop at my desk and what mum does is practical like you can see it although we're both just as busy and I feel that because I am responsible for our whole livelihood I take on that extra responsibility and sometimes worry.

But in the day to day I don't "feel" like I'm pulling my weight...

It's strange!! If I write it all down it's really fair, maybe I'm struggling with letting go of some of the control of my household, knowing what DD is eating 24hrs a day etc

We did share DD when we lived separately in a city and DM had her overnight once a week plus as much as I would allow daytime/trips out etc

So that's not changed it's just all under one roof.

I hope I can shake this though as it really works apart from this...

Hmm, if you meal planned together you’d know what your dd was eating?
For me it would be partly about practical stuff - arranging the shelves myself for instance. And is there space for you and your mum to have separate domains in the house? Eg if there’s more than one living space could one be yours and one hers?