Lone parent in need of help

[Charlie03]

Hi guys so I’m a lone parent after my fiancé of the time walked away when our little one was 6 months old. He hasn’t saw Dd since she was 11 months old and now dad is well over 2 years old. That I don’t mind as dd doesn’t remember that disgusting excuse of a father. Just found out that said person is about to have a second child, he hasn’t bothered to at least let us know and and has no interest in Dd, doesn’t pay maintenance which Cms clearly don’t mind as I’ve not had a payment for over 5 months. I know this shouldn’t bother me but it does. What’s the best way to get the stress of the situation out? I work 50 hours a week and dd goes to nursery full time.

The honest answer is it always will. But the more time that passes the less you let it bother you. It's been over 3 years now since my DS dad told me he was choosing his gf over his son. Haven't heard from him since and I certainly won't chase him. It's his loss! He also has another child. A son. At first it upset me. Like what's wrong with my child for him to reject him. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He is perfect so more fool him.
What I will say the bond I have with my child is incredible. I really don't think it would be as strong as it is if his dad was around. He ground me down. He made me ill. He ruined me physically, mentally, emotionally. I sometimes can't believe I was that woman. I've rebuilt my life and our family life and even at such a young age I do believe my DS knows how hard I work for us as a family. He proudly tells everyone I am his dad too. Or that he doesn't need a dad as I'm his mom and dad. But then he will also sometimes ask me if he can have a dad as he thinks it will be nice. He asks me dad questions often. He is 5 this year. I also answer him. I can't go into all the detail as he is far too young to hear how toxic things were but I don't lie to him and I remain really dignified. I take ownership of my part in things and one day my son will understand why I argued back 'and said some horrible things'. I think that's really important to be accountable for the part you played. By that I mean, I did no wrong to my sons dad. I gave him everything. He took me for a fool and I guess I allowed it. But what I did do was argue back and say some bad things because thats the only way I could try and hurt him after all the hurt he put me through.

I'm sorry you feel like this. But it will get easier

It’s hard as it happened when I was in hospital seriously Ill. I’ve kept photos of the other family with dd as a baby so when he’s old enough and has questions he can see what they looked like if he wishes. I can’t talk to anyone about this as everyone who knows the situation harbor anger towards him and so the answers will always be the same. I know my child isn’t missing out by just having me as my parents raised me to do the right thing. It’s better to have one great parent than someone who doesn’t bother. It just angers me because he won’t sign documents for me to change his last name and yet he has made it very clear he wants nothing to do with my child. No birthday cards but yet he always sends a Christmas card with a sarcastic message in for my child. All of his family have casted my child out because they refuse to talk to me to arrange things but like you said it’s their loss. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation but its promising to hear that things will get better. I hope everything turns out the way you want it too. Your boy is certainly lucky to have a strong person for a parent ❣️

I feel everything you have said. Im going to PM you x

Im in a
similar situation. My ex walked away from our 4 kids and has only seen my youngest 3 times in her life (shes 2 in may) its disgusting how some men treat their kids. No cm aswell as he doesnt work or claim benefits apparently

I agree. I cant get my head around how you can have a child and not want to see them. Very sad indeed

Eventually the feelings of anger/upset will go and you will hardly think about him.

My ds is very happy and only has me. When he was old enough I told him his dad had another child so he knows the truth. Ds and I have had a happy life without his dad. We honestly never ever think about him.

My Ds hasn’t seen his dad in 8 years . I agreee feelings pass . Leave them to it . It may be worth speaking to a solicitor about name change . I read in a forum the other day it was relitively easy to do when dad is not involved but no idea myself.

Are you chasing cms? I would be.

I feel angry that my DS' father doesn't want to make any effort with his son (although he doesn't have other children). If I think about it then it does make me angry, partly because the fact I get no maintenance means I have to work longer hours and be away from DS more, and it doesn't seem fair. But there are many worse off than me, I value my independence and not having to deal with his twit of a father who saps my energy. I would rather spend my energy on my son. So I just try my best not to think on it and focus on my son instead. I know it's easier said than done but it's very much his loss, and you should feel proud of yourself and all you are doing on your own to provide and make a great life for your DD.

When does the anger go? im still very angry 2 years later!