EXH collects the kids from school twice a week. He lives over an hour away in rural area bad for snow etc.
Last week he texted DD12 at 6pm saying the snow is supposed to be bad and he suggests i work from home tomorrow to ensure someone can pick them up. He wont communicate directly with me and has been told on multiple occasions to not text DD about parental issues as she gets stressed being in the middle.
I couldnt work from home so had to take unpaid leave in the afternoon to collect them and as i was doing this i said i wasnt sitting around at home on the off chance i was needed. I was using my leave to spend some time with them and as such he needn't attempt to try and get through the weather.
On sunday at drop off he announced the weather is supposed to be and again and what was i going to do if he couldnt collect them. I asked what plans had he put in place in case he couldnt and he said hed told me. They live with me and thats my job. He went on to say even if he was dead id still expect him to help 'me' with the kids.
I arranged cover for tonight and i have for later in the week. Its caused three people to completely change their personal and work commitments so again i said as he has no way of telling us if he is or isnt collecting he again should tske it that he isnt needed and I'll collect the kids.
Tonight when DS8 skyped him DD mentioned to him if he was collecting them. He told them "your mum wont let me and has told me not to. I really want to see you but mum wont allow it". He added If they want him to collect them they should text him but dont tell me. No mention thst hed told me he msy not be able to come. Just straight up told them i said no.
Id love nothing more than him to guarantee that he could get them but he cant. He wont ask his parents he just expects me to drop everything and go and get them no matter that im at work. They are my responsibility.
Our marriage was shocking with some verbal and emotional abuse. Its continues to this day if i allow it.
AiBU,have i stopped him seing them even if unintentionally? Do i explain to the kids? I lose sight of ehats wrong or right because he is so unreasonable most of the time.
I see it as i need definate arrangements for the kids. He couldn't or wouldnt give this.