Your DC contact with other parent?

[Shitfuckoh]

Hi,

Please could I ask what the typical contact is between your DC and their NRP?

Currently going through a messy seperation (not married) and I think Dad is going to be a twat in regards to when (or if) he actually sees the children. He's gone from Co-Parenting equally, to every weekend to already laughing in a sarcastic way and indicating he won't be seeing them 1 day a week... Even stated he wouldn't be forced or blackmailed in to spending time or doing anything with them.

We're not even in seperate houses yet!

Mines absent so not much help! You cant force him to be a dad unfortunately (not saying you are) but if he doest want to see then he doesnt have to. Once a week doesnt seem to be the norm I think the norm is every other weekend.

@CandyCreeper - thank you. We are still living in the same house at the moment so it's not an issue for now as such. He's spent next to no time with them this year though - works during the week but at weekends he's turned into a teenager.. Goes to the bedroom to watch TV, play on his phone or laptop. Even when he's downstairs with them he may as well not be as he's glued to phone etc and they need to repeat what they were saying to him a few times before he'll respond.

Things came to a head at the weekend and I told him I think he needs to spend more time / actually do things with them. His response was to say he won't be forced or blackmailed into it. Which has opened my eyes to how exactly it's going to be when he does move out.

Sorry to hear yours is absent, is it harder or does it become the norm?

Who broke off the relationship? Im just wondering if he is doing it as some kind of punishment if it is you that ended things??

It hasnt become easier as I have pretty much no family so no other help. I was in a similar situation, trying to get ex to step up but he just couldnt be bothered. I think it depends on your support network but it doesnt sound like you can rely on him.

@CandyCreeper I did I'd agree that it may be some sort of 'punishment' as he was going through a phase of trying to 'talk me back' when the Co-Parenting and wanting to see them during the week, full weekends etc. I pointed out at the time that actually if he had them all weekend every weekend I'd never see the eldest 2 due to school - became 3 times a week and every other weekend - sounded fair to me.

Until he realised that his line of talking wasn't getting me back, so he changed tactic to 'I'm sorry' blah blah blah and during that few day period he then wanted to move within walking distance, so he could be on hand if I had any appointments, needed peace etc. But of course when that one didn't work it became something else.

He's also going down the 'I'll get a place in my home town'' (200 or so miles away) but when that's only got a 'mhm okay' response the following day he said he never would... Then he was at the stage of moving to the next County & having them every other weekend with maybe coming here to see them after school once or twice the opposite week - but of course his 'talking' he was doing in the meantime wasn't winning me back so now changed to where we are at right now.

Maybe once it isn't so 'raw' for him and he comes to accept it more, he'll step up. I said to him a couple of weeks ago 'You could have done such and such' (can't remember what it was now) for him to turn around and say ''you'll have to get used to doing it all yourself when I'm not here'' but I kind of do anyway... I do the shopping, cleaning, cooking for the DC, school runs, making sure they have clean clothes. Making sure all paperwork is filled in for them. Homework, appointments, meetings. Most importantly I interact with them and I know who their friends are, what they're most favourite food is and what their current 'craze' is on TV.

Wow so long, sorry!

My ex is interested in waves of when it suits him. You can’t force them to be a father, if you keep trying you end up frustrated. At the moment he is seeing my DD about a day every few weeks but I should imagine if history repeats itself he’ll soon disappear again..

he may change his mind when he works out the maintenance calculation.

How old are the children .

As he does nothing while he is there now . I would offer eow and a night during the week .

However I simply wouldn’t discuss it now as this isn’t about the children it’s about getting a response from you.

Is there a date for him to move out?

Hi
It's tough going and the games parents play or what they will say to hurt you or both you and the children
I think once he is out of the house it mayb change and the courts can come into sort it out if need be.
I've seen dads disappear to re appearing I guess he is trying to adjust or play on his messed up feelings.. selfish and hurt is not needed.
I suggest emails.. these can be looked at when needed and seem to work for me. It cuts the on going texts or invasive hours I'd get them.
Emails and if it got to toxic send them to a spam folder if he gets nasty
Another handy way to track how you communicate should you forget or go to court.
Play no games and leave him to his selfish ways.. one thing I didn't realise is it is so easy to buy into there nonsense so make sure you don't... treat them as a business partner was my best advice.
Hang in there be the better person and I hope he leaves peacefully