Help a dad out

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I have recently separated ( 6 months) from the mother of my 2 boys. I am living at my parents while she can get herself a house sorted out and paying all the bills etc to cover her.
She has recently been seeing someone for 3 months, he has a child that he doesn't see and she doesn't know the circumstances.
She is talking about moving in with him next month. I am not comfortable with her doing it, i am not still attached to her but my 2 boys are 2yrs 8 months and 9 months old and i don't want them around someone d know nothing about, and in a different county.
Do i have any say in where she can live, he hasn't even met the boys yet and she wants to live with him.
She doesn't know what he is like with children having never seen him with any.
Anyone been in a similar situation? know what i can do?
at the minute i am seeing them on every day off i have and i go around the house in the mornings ( i work night shift) after work and help her out if she has had a difficult night, the baby isn't sleeping well at the minute. I'm doing everything i can to be reasonable but i dont think this is a good idea.

It seems very soon to be moving in with him, especially if he hasn't met your DC. She won't know how he gets on with them. Sounds like you have to get access and maintenance formalised. Best to see a solicitor or Citizens Advice.

This does sound very quick and I’ll thought out. I can see why you would be worried.

I’m no expert but there have been lots of threads from upset women, worried that their DC are being looked after by their father’s new girlfriend in similar circs and they’re usually told that there’s not a huge amount you can do.

Maybe you could get your contact with your children formalised legally and you might be able to argue that her moving them further away would disrupt that?

How far away are they planning to move?

I’m sure someone more knowledgeable will be along soon but I didn’t want your post going unanswered.

Hi OP,

I'm sorry this does sounds like a difficult situation, and I too would be very concerned with how this is all being rushed. I'm not from the UK though, so I don't know if there is anything you can do legally. I hope she sees reason and puts the welfare of her DC before a new boyfriend.

This is a pretty quiet time to post, but hopefully there will be some MNers that are up and about and can give you some good advice. Maybe give your thread a bump in the morning if there aren't many responses tonight.

Best of luck to you!

You will struggle to have any influence over where she chooses to live, unless she is moving some distance with the children. You could always make an application for the children to live with you via a Child
Arrangements Order, but that is a long and litigious route which will likely undermine your efforts to be collaborative parents. Have you suggested mediation? It might be worth a try? You can also find out any safeguarding information about the new partner by making a Sarah’s law and/or a Clare’s law application to your local police - which would, at the very least, identify any domestic abuse/sexual abuse risks.

Talk to a solicitor and see about getting a protective order in place stopping her from removing the children. Dad's have rights too and your children needs a relationship with their father. Time to stop being nice with her and play hardball.