cherry picking dad

[amainaledi]

My husband and I are seperated. He sees our (7 year old) daughter when HE feels like it. I am anxious to preserve the relationshp between them, so I never stop him seeing her, but I am getting increasingly annoyed that it only happens when it suits him. Today he was going to pick her up from school and he told her that he would.She was very excited as it is a rare occurence. He has just phoned and said he can't. Now I have to collect a disappointed child, who blames me and never daddy...I am so cross, I feel like saying don't bother coming tomorrow or whenever the next time it suits...but I know that would not be to her benefit.
Someone out there must have dealt with this before...

From the sounds of it you need to put visiting on a more formal footing then at least you know when and where adn will hopefully avoid disappointed daughter.

You need to set out regular arrangements, for your daughter's sake. Something like every other weekend. If he misses them, then he waits til the next visit, and so hopefully he will make more of an effort. See a solictor and get it formally drawn up if you have to.

I have been through this for the the 1st 6yrs of dds life thought like you it was best to let it carry on but it all got on top of me & i told exp he wasnt going to see her again as he was hurting her & i would tell her when she asked that it was his fault why he wasnt seeing her [yes i know i was wrong but i was at the end of my tether] anyway after 3weeks of him ringing me not me ringing him & me telling him i had nothing to talk to him about he broke down crying i agree to speek to him but wouldnt let him see dd & asked why he had treated like that as that isnt a sign of love & other things after afew meets & him realising that if he didnt do something i would let him see dd plus he thought i would also make him look bad so he has argeed regular acsess i have been to the solicitors & have refused to let him see her til he signs it & sends it back which he did straight away & has been constant with acsess since then.

think a few scare tactics work as most cant be bothered fathers are bothered what they will look like to other than what matters if you know what i mean

I agree it's really important to set regular times. This is for your daughter, so she knows when daddy is coming and there's no need to take the blame, it's best to be honest about their shortcomings and nobody's perfect, but your DD will make her own mind up on balance iyswim.

The other way is asking for resentment to build up. I used to tiptoe around DS1's dad in the hope he'd actually visit at all, but I got so angry when he kept messing DS around that I eventually made some criteria and his dad really didn't like that (he had to be sober for a start ) and started to make excuses. After a few weeks he stopped coming at all.

It just showed his character and true feelings towards my son, IMO...I'm just glad DS wasn't attached to him already as that would have been awful.

Good luck xx