informal cm payments

[disneyspendingmoney]

So my ex hasn't transferred cm today, we have an "informal" agreement so far and true to the stereotype of crap ex's hasn't paid up.

pretty much what I expected.

Typical shitty behaviour moaned last week they didn't have the cash to take them out in contact day, yet had enough to take them shopping and blab about going out to dinner with someone yesterday to the dcs

Roll on when the dcs are old enough that I won't have to bother.

If he's not sticking to your informal arrangement, use cms.

I'm tempted to text, but rule 1 never communicate with a narc,

You know the score with him and yet oh decided to do things on an informal basis?

OP is a man.

How long have you had the arrangement OP?

I'd go formal. Are you sure you're even getting the right amount?

Male / female irrelevant

I’m baffled that you have nil trust in your ex and yet you thought it would be a good idea to not formalise financial agreements

There's no need to talk to her, just call cms and they'll make arrangements. There is no guarantee that she will pay on time but they can move her to collect and pay and take legal action (eventually) if the debt isn't cleared.

There is always the hope that someone will actually do what they say they will.

Does it matter I'm a bloke, I'm a parent first and foremost, looking after two kids whoes well-being is paramount.

No, not one bit, OP. I know you've had it tough and some other parents out there could definitely learn a thing or two from you.

I was just pointing out it out as some assumed you were female. Easily done, as I know from doing it myself.

Giesabreak
I admit I was being defensive

I do actually try to be gender neutral as I'm here mainly to be a better parent. I do know quite a few really shit dad's who get short shrift irl from me. The behaviour of my ex has been shocking close to that and I don't want to give the MRA types fuel out of context.

You really should just open a case with CMS. If they genuinely had no money, and you felt sympathetic then maybe... and only maybe, you could agree to skip. But they have money, they just chose to spend it on frivolities. There's no point engaging with someone who behaves like that. You just create stress and upset for yourself. Do everything through official channels.

Call CMS now or first thing tomorrow. They don’t backdate.

MissMalice

Thanks that's really useful to know, because our informal arrangement was less than what CMS will take from her.

Shit parents who don’t pay for there kids annoy me no matter there gender. I agree open a cms ASAP. Then you never have to discuss money.

They will allow her direct pay at first but if she doesn’t pay wil build up arrears

Sorry you are in the his situation. We hope that the nrp will do the right thing and support the children like we do.

My ex was the same. Plead poverty to the point I offered him and ow food package only for them to go on holiday a few weeks later.

I didn't want to go through cms. I knew ex would cause a shit storm. I'm still waiting to actually see some money. 4 months in. But at least I know it will get sorted eventually.

Cms. Collect and pay is my advice. Nrp isn't happy whatever you do.

I think you hope they put the same priority on the children that you do, and then you realise that they don’t and you are disappointed all over again.
Sorry you are going through this

When I was a kid and my parents split my mum said pay maintenance and you can have contact, don't pay maintenance no contact, wait til he's 16. Mind you that was over 50 years ago.

When did it change? Was that ever the case or did my mum treat him like the arsehole he was, that was my first thought when i met him at 16.

I would like to do allnif thus with the minimum of friction, annoyance, and resentment possible. I'm trying really hard to prevent the annoyance and resentment leaking out into toxic parenting. Hence, I post my feelings here rather than letting it slip in front of the dds.