Final court hearing tomorrow

[octobersunshine]

Cross posting here for traffic.

I have my final court hearing tomorrow. My ex partner took me to court over access for our two year old child.

I'm really terrified. I'm going to be subject to cross examination and I know I'll be torn to shreds on his instructions.

Can anyone who has been through this process offer any advice or what to expect?

To my understanding in the vast number of cases an agreement regarding time with both parents is agreed, therefore negating the need to take the stand. Everything else can be judged on by submissions rather than cross examination.

There will be a lot of pressure to agree contact before you go into court.

It’s a long day, try to get some rest tonight.

Thank you.

His written submission is full of falsehoods and inaccuracies. He's also completely upped his request from last time meaning my statements are based on what he said he wanted. Because of this, I've been told he needs to be cross examined and to expect that he'll want to cross examine me because of it. I know it's the only way but I'm still scared

Do you both have barristers?

Yes we do.

In the last hearing, he had a barrister, I had a solicitor and the difference was marked really. His barrister tore me apart.

I just want advice on how to put my case, how to come across and not fall to pieces.

Is it a fact finding hearing?

If so, I did this last month.

Just make sure you're familiar with your evidence, your statements and your allegations.

People that are telling the truth are detailed and consistent, for that reason the judge ruled in my favour on everything because me ex contradicted himself constantly!

Give lots of time to prep with your solicitor beforehand. Make sure they are on the same page as you and clearly communicate your position and what you want to be highlighted to the judge.

The word cross examination is scary! But see it for what it is, a chance for you to have your day and explain in your own words your position to the judge

Good luck

Hi Ode,

Thanks so much for this. It's really helpful to hear.

Can you give any info as to cross examination? Was the barrister aggressive and trying to trip you up or was it like simple, fairly pleasant questions on your statement?

Because it was allegations of serious domestic abuse, and my ex wasn't represented, he had to pre submit questions to the judge and she asked me both her own questions and his.

His barrister will try to put doubt in the judges mind about what you say, it's their job. Yes it's upsetting, but you just have to stick to the truth and know that you are telling the truth.

Your solicitor should prepare you for the things his barrister is going to probe you on. Just think through your response to this in advance and also prepare yourself for the worst outcome that it is not in your favour.

Remember that it is the balance of probabilities, it's 49/51%. You need to convince the judge that your side is true.

Take your time in the witness box, don't rush your answers. The judge is there to listen to you. As for your ex partner, have a good look through their evidence too. That should give you an idea of what their angle is.

Hopefully your solicitor inspires more confidence in you next time! They're there to represent you, so make sure they do it! Lots of preparation, go over everything with them clearly. Mentally prepare yourself too

It will be horrible, and stressful, but it's something that needs to be dealt with for you to be able to move forward and not have to suffer the court process anymore

But no it wasn't simple or pleasant questions I was asked! Some of them were very upsetting, some of them were outright lies (asking me about things I've never said in my life!) things like trying to make out I was jealous of his new partner.

I just replied to them honestly and explained how they didn't make sense. Make sure you stay civil and level headed, don't throw insults or go off on a tangent.

Keep it focused on your child and make it clear your position and why, don't get sidetracked into a slanging match or tangent as it won't help you

One example I can give

My ex out to me why it took so long for me to report to the police if he'd done what he did

I calmly explained to the judge the context and every reason for that delay

In the findings the judge said that it is documented why victims don't report crimes until a time after they occur, and so she did not agree with my ex that this meant they didn't happen.

That's just one example.

Take your time, breath, think and ask him to repeat the questions if you need to.
If you think what you wrote is being twisted read back the bit in your statement, and repeat it.
Do not get bitter, they want that to make you look bad, also you can just say... No that is not true.
The one against me lost, when he was paid a fortune to be there. Watched him stomp off in temper, as the ex had lied...

Thank you for all your responses.

It's really helpful to be an idea of what to expect and to know that other people have gone through it and come out the other side. It's easy to get consumed by that feeling of fear at the moment.

It is scary but you’ll be amazed how you manage. Don’t have too much coffee beforehand, be familiar with your statement and the details if it’s a while since you wrote it, deep breaths.

Only go at the speed you are comfortable with. If you don’t understand or need a minute to think ask them to repeat the question. Look at the magistrates or judge so they have eye contact with you.

I was really nervous and spoke too fast but they asked me to slow down and I started again pausing for breath after each sentence.

I didn’t let the barrister rile me, just kept answering the truth and when they said something that wasn’t true or I disagreed with I said a clear ‘no’ in my answer.

Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice. It was so useful.

The judge found in my favour and made an order that was largely in keeping with my initial proposals when the process began 10 months ago. His barrister spent 40 minutes making a statement to the judge and tearing me apart and it was so difficult not to interject. I felt incredibly despondent afterwards because she was very good at her job and very compelling. My barrister said my statements stood on their own merit. It couldn't have gone better really. So thanks for all the support and advice

Glad you were listened to. Hope you can sleep easier tonight

Well done, what did you manage to reduce the father to?

So he spent all that money for nothing...

Glad it went well, well done!

Yep, all that money for nothing! Gives me some level of satisfaction really that the bench saw straight through him.

He was requesting 50/50 for our two year old. The judge went with my suggestion that there are no changes to his routine for 9 months then the introduction of an overnight and then another overnight next year working up til Friday - Sunday.

To be honest, I think his written submission was a load of fluff and the magistrates saw through it totally. He then put at the end of his statement that he was going on a two week holiday and wanted these changes implemented straight after his holiday. My barrister said it clearly showed his attitude about his own convenience.

I

On what ground could you be “torn apart”?

His barrister was saying I've been unduly restrictive in access, that my statement gave inaccurate picture of his role in our son's life thus far, that I didn't let him see our son at Christmas. Loads of statements about the welfare of DS and saying I didn't have a correct understanding of his needs at his age. All untrue. All trying to paint me as an obstructive mother really and undermine my own submissions.

It is their job to make you look bad, but judges know that, and that an ex is very bias against you...
Keep all contact about your child via email if possible...
This way you have time to think before you reply and proof. If ever needed... You can open a folder to keep it all in on the account.
If he phones, or tells you something on the doorstep, send him a this is too confirm what we spoke about. And to make sure I have the right information...
If he is an arse now. You will be better off doing this to cover yourself.
Well done on your win.