Cafcass

[user1485859001]

Hi. Has anyone had any experience with cafcass?

Iv read the letter and done a little google search but just wanted to speak to someone with experience in what I should expect.

I have a phone call with them.

I have a phone call with them soon as well. I think it is just to cover any safeguarding issues in respect of children but not entirely sure.

Thank you for reply. That's all I could see regarding the call. I will let you no once they call me.

Unless you have raised any safeguarding concerns it's a short call. They will stick strictly to whether you think there are safeguarding issues and not the details of the case. It's very topline and you don't get a chance to say much.

Oh ok. I don't think there are any issues. The only thing is me and my ex have totally different parenting styles. He's dad commented once that he could harm her by being overly protective of her and the way he is. But I'm guessing it's best not to mention that.

Well they didn't call me when they were meant to. I called them but was told the lines were busy and someone will get back to me.

Cafcass will ask some basic questions like why the relationship broke down, and yes, any concerns of safety. It’s important to remember that they quite simply report on what you say. This can cause a lot of problems as it can very quickly be seen as fact. So don’t say anything that you don’t intend to prove with evidence.
If you and your ex don’t raise any concerns then cafcass probably won’t want to be involved.
Differences in parenting styles are not the courts concern, that’s up to you and your ex to sort out.
If there are no safety concerns then prepare to be humiliated in court. They hate it when two capable parents take it to court just to argue about contact time. If your ex is demanding more than 50/50 then fair enough. I take it mediation got nowhere?

I'd rather not go to court. My solicitor is trying to sort it between us first but we don't have much time left.

He wanted to go to mediation and so did I but he choose one which was an hour away from where I'm now living. He then sent me a list of others closer to me but then before I had a chance to go he went and
Applied for court. My solicitor commented on how quickly he applied.

The reason everything took me a while is because we had only just split up and I was overwhelmed with everything. I had to move out of our family home as I didn't feel like I could live with him. I found him very controlling and he put me down all the time. I don't have any concerns of how he is with our DD. I'm not sure if I should mention he's controlling behaviour in court. I guess it's something I will ask my solicitor.

At the time I had lots of appointments. I was also pregnant at the time and had appointments for that. Unfortunately I'm not pregnant anymore.
I'm not sure if court will take this into consideration.

I'm still trying to settle this out of court but we just can't agree.

You still get a chance to settle between yourselves at court before you go into the court room itself. This can be your solicitors negotiating rather than you in person. This goes down better than not agreeing at all. Anything you can't agree on goes before the court.

His choice of mediator and quick decision to apply for court suggests to me he was always intending to go to court and the mediation thing was just to tick the box and get confirmation he had tried so I would say it's worth reinforcing how keen you have been to agree outside of court and any mitigating circumstances. It's difficult to say what you want in court but hopefully your solicitor can make that point if required.

He said he didn't want to go to court but who knows.

I'm seeing him tomorrow night to try and talk it thro again.
My solicitor will also write to him and try to settle. He's doesn't have a solicitor.

I suggested he have her every wed and thurs and every other weekend in the basis he doesn't get someone else to look after her. He said he was going to put her in nursery or get he's mum or dad to look after her so he can go to work. I don't agree with this. Why take her out of a routine she's had since she was a baby.
He wants her wed night through to Saturday night. I definitely do not agree with this as she's always been with me. Plus once the house sells I don't no if I will have to move away as I won't be able to afford the places around here.

If I let him have her every weekend then when she goes to school I will never see her. Iv always been her main carer.
Also she will be going to nursery soon so it won't really work with what he's asking. He wants to put her in a nursery near him.
At the moment we have it that he sees her every Thursday and every other weekend. He had also seen her a lot over Xmas and new year. We have done days out together etc as I have tried to focus on what's best.

Unfortunately you can't dictate what he does with her during his time. It could be argued that it's important for her to have a relationship with her grandparents and that would be more beneficial than time in nursery if she's with you.

I think your offer is more than fair. I assume she's a toddler. At that age EOW and an overnight each week is sufficient imho if she's been cared for largely by you but no one can say for sure what a court might rule.

You're right to think about the future and what contact would look like once she's at school. The court are likely to agree that EOW is more beneficial to her as she can then spend quality weekend time with each parent and go away for the weekend etc.

I wouldn't talk about moving. If you plan to move far he can potentially put a stop to it. Also, you should both have a say regarding which nurseries, and later schools, she attends.

Whilst I agree with the above poster, you can’t dictate what he does on his time I will say this. In my experience, as a man who’s been through the courts they don’t look favourably on fathers who fight for time, only to farm the child out to nursery.
Also in my extensive research I believe courts like to hand out one week night (if it’s practicable) and every other weekend with half holidays. It seems their standard.
His approach does seem heavy handed though, clearly it’s all still raw for you both.

I’m really sorry to hear about the pregnancy, you must be going through so much.

I wouldn’t worry about court too much, you’re not a million miles from each other’s view so it’s very likely you’ll come to an agreement before going into court.

I understand you saying I can't dictate why he does with her. I don't mind in general at all. I'm pretty laid back.

I just can't see how it would benefit DD to interrupt her routine now. Iv tried to compromise and agree that on Thursday if he decides to put her in nursery or with grandparents then that's fine. But I don't agree to both days as it's not fair on my mum or DD. My mum switched her days as work and cut days down to look after her so It doesn't seem fair that he's mum can just suddenly says she will take over. I do think she should see her other grandparents though.
It's nice to see over peoples opinions though. I will consider all of this as I do only want what's best.

Yes she is 3.
That's interesting about the moving. I didn't realise that. I really don't want to move away and I'm sure I wouldn't but I have to keep all options open. I wouldn't just go anywhere. I would go somewhere I have family if I had to (because of finances). I live in London so it's very expensive.

Yes I agree it would be good if he could have a say in her nursery as well. I don't object to that as such. It would just be very difficult if her put her in nursery near him one or two days a week and then she had to attend one where we are living.

Maybe I'm over thinking everything.