No father/Domestic violence/ raising a boy !!

[Sophienaomi]

I was beaten up when I was 9weeks pregnant. I walked away, got a restraining order and will never look back.
My boy will never have to set eyes on him as far as I’m concerened. He is a disgrace.
But what THE HELL do I do about my boy when he is older in regards to answering questions such as; where his father / who is father is etc...?? I know it’s a long way off, and I should just be concentrating on me and him right now, but I cannot help but worry and stress about how I will cope raising a boy with no father. My family tell me not to worry, and that he has ‘plenty of male role models’but to be honest that advice does not help .. any new/different advice would be fannntastic - just to ease my crazzzyyyyy mind

They don't miss what they never had. Sometimes they wonder why they haven't got a father but truth be told, the love of one stable parent is enough to get them through their childhood mentally/emotionally healthy. Being honest in age appropriate ways helps. Acknowledging that positives your son has that he got from his father also helps - beautiful eyes, musical talents etc. That he shouldn't be ashamed of 50% of his DNA. Focus on the fact all families are different. Get make role models. Don't go on about his father but don't hide it likes its some dirty secret, answer the questions as and when they come age appropriately.

You could tell son the first name of his father and show a picture. You could explain he is not around because he hurt you and him, that he didn't know how to be a daddy so had to leave because children need sensible kind calm loving parents etc. Show him all the males in the families he does have that do love him (grandads/uncles).

There is a book called Raising Boys without Men that might help you. It looks at single mothers and lesbian partnerships parenting.

Everything you have said is right, and I will not show my hatred for him to my son, because that is something I hate to see!! When mothers allow their children to see their true feelings towards the “father”
But inside I really feel like doing it 😩 I never would. I hate myself for allowing him to be the “father”, depriving my son of TWO loving parents. Hard isn’t it, to know if what your doing is the best for them x

It gets easier the longer you parent alone as it becomes your normal x

My younger son does not see his father. I don’t mention him but do “big up” the rest of his family - where they came from, what they are like etc. (He doesn’t see them either, though!)

I don’t really have a lot to big up about him or any of his family for that matter. Some will say I should of thought about that before getting pregnant, but things happen and I’m just so lucky to have my son. & thank god in a way that the “father” did what he did otherwise I would be stuck with him now

At a young age i wouldnt mention domestic abuse to ypur child hes been lucky to not whitness it you dont want to put that stress on your child. Children run away with info and it might scare him. Id deffo tell him when hes older he deserves to know the truth about his father but a s a child id stick to a story thats not exatly a lie but not exactly the truth either that he lives far away or something...not entierly sure but i know i would save the abuse story until much later and ould also be a very good time for you to teach him more about abuse and healthy relationships and how to respect women. Healthy relationship talk should start from a very young age though in netherlands they have lessons on it in school from age 4. And they have the best stats in the world for healthy relationships ect. There sex education is healthy relationships. Ill be doing it with my son so when the times right i know when i tell him about my abuse hell understand and understand the whole compexity of the situation. Ill keep it until hes in secondary school though.

I found myself single before giving birth too... and my son’s father has not met him. I had exactly the same worries as you!

Son is 4 now and the happiest, loveliest little guy. I’m so lucky that he’s been surrounded by love and stability all his life. Yes, two loving parents would have been great but we have the second best thing.

Honestly you have 3 years or so before your DS will even be aware that some kids have a Dad around! So just be kind to yourself and focus on stability and love

Oops “Second” best thing doesn’t sound right! I thing our little family is the First best

HELP! 8 weeks pregnant and have a 8 month old. I am on my own (same father to both) father is not involved - I am exhausted, have no patience with anything, can’t eat anything so have no energy for 8 month old, finding it difficult to see the light!!