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Original poster

Being away from your child

33 replies

Hotchocolate18 · 21/12/2018 23:23

Does anyone else find it increasingly harder to be away from their child when it's their dad's weekend?
Had a tough week with my ex demanding more days even though he has him alot. Been a stressful week and I'm really missing my son tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hotchocolate18 · 21/12/2018 23:36

:(

OP posts:
PippilottaLongstocking · 21/12/2018 23:39

My son starts overnights with his dad in January and the thought of it makes me feel sick, hugs to you OP

Original poster
Hotchocolate18 · 21/12/2018 23:59

Hugs to you too. Tough being without them

OP posts:
eve34 · 22/12/2018 07:40

It is a big adjustment for you. And takes time. I know when kids first started overnights it broke me. People told me to try and plan stuff. And you will appreciate the time eventually.

I joined a community allotment. And volunteered at the night shelter. So had something to do on both sat/sun. I made plans with friends. And was lucky that I made some new single mum friends too.

It's a year now and when his eow comes round I am grateful for a bit of peace. I miss them but it becomes routine.

Do what you can to keep busy. And be kind to yourself. I have yet to forgive the person who told me to carve out me time. They just didn't get it at all. I wish this on no one.

Original poster
Hotchocolate18 · 22/12/2018 08:26

Thank you eve we have had this arrangement for 2 years now. But it just never seems to get easier. Feels like I'm missing an arm when he's gone and the house is so quiet. Does help his dad was being absolutely horrible to me this week

OP posts:
OnlineAlienator · 22/12/2018 08:28

Yes. I went from working-from-home and home-edding to now split and working out of the home PT with a view to going FT. DD may go to school. He gets to stay at home with her now tho Envy it's really hard Sad

knittedjest · 22/12/2018 08:30

Get a hobby, make some friends. If the house is too quiet put on the radio. It's not healthy to feel like your arm is missing because your child is with their father for a night.

CarolDanvers · 22/12/2018 08:33

It's not healthy to feel like your arm is missing because your child is with their father for a night.

Indeed. Good thing no one actually said that then isn't it?

eve34 · 22/12/2018 08:42

@Hotchocolate18 I found the volunteering really helped. Not only did if fill a chunk of the day. It helped me appreciate what I have.

knittedjest · 22/12/2018 08:42

Carol

The OP said it. 6th post.

OhioOhioOhio · 22/12/2018 08:44

Cant post properly now but i have coping strategies that work really well. Ill write later.

CarolDanvers · 22/12/2018 08:51

Missed it. Still think though that you feel how you feel and being told it's not healthy is unkind and not even true. People feel how they feel and react differently. OP will surely get over it in time. I'd struggle hugely with my kids being away overnight and probably would get very little sleep as both have autism and they'd find it really hard and distressing. It would be totally understandable for me to feel that way.

knittedjest · 22/12/2018 09:06

carol

The first couple of times, sure, but for two whole years? No adjustment at all? That it isn't healthy. Not for the op or her child who will pick up on these feelings. It shows an unhealthy attachment and an underdeveloped sense of self. She shouldn't be relying on her young son to soothe her after a stressful week. That's what we have friends for. And her life shouldn't be put on pause just because he is spending the night somewhere else.

CarolDanvers · 22/12/2018 09:12

Oh leave her alone and let her have a moan for crying out loud. I'm sure she manages fine mostly but posted when feeling a bit low. Others have managed to give advice without telling her she's not normal or is unhealthy, always one isn't there? Hmm

GeorgeTheHippo · 22/12/2018 09:23

I think you need to keep yourself busy. Sit down and have a think about how to do that. At first your heart won't be in it, but that will change. Find some regular activities and make yourself do them. Get out of the house!

OhioOhioOhio · 22/12/2018 09:29

Eve34

I agree with you and the 'yet to forgive...' statement. Ive been told to go for a walk and watch a film.

Most people dont get it. But they dont know they dont get it. I also cant stand the glory i get for having eow to myself. People forget that meanwhile every other fkn job belongs to me. And that when they go to him i know they are not going somewhere nice. My stbxh is an abusive bastard. It has been very difficult.

But a psychologist told me that if you stop your children from seeing their other parent then as they reach adulthood they will resent and in turn possibly disown you.

This is what keeps me strong. And knowing that i could never explain to them how much of a bastard he is. That they have to find out for themselves.

CandyCreeper · 22/12/2018 09:34

I agree knittedjest, I never get these
posts tbh. My ex is absent I would love a break, but dont get one. If your ex never took your child you would probably not be happy either so just try to enjoy it!

Original poster
Hotchocolate18 · 22/12/2018 11:15

I do have hobbies thank you but they are not on now as it's Christmas! I think it's really unkind to say I'm unhealthy when I'm feeling Down.
My ex was emotionally abusive to me and the way he has been this week demanding more days has stressed me out. I worry he is slowly placing seeds to turn my son against me because that's the type of person he is. Yea I get a break but imagine someone trying to take your child from you! I'm sure you wouldn't be sitting there being fine about it either.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 22/12/2018 11:30

Candy

When i lived with my ex he never did anything with us. He was out of the house unless he was sleeping. I never got a break. When he got thrown out he suddenly became father of the year.

Write · 22/12/2018 11:36

Christmas is a tricky time. I sometimes delight in waving DD off and others times I miss her terribly.
This time of year hobbies are halted and lots of people are having family time, plus it’s very much a children’s holiday so it’s understandable you miss them more Flowers
I notice especially as they get older as you don’t need the “break” as they aren’t hard work just enjoyable company.

Write · 22/12/2018 11:37

Oh ffs Candy she’s allowed to miss her child just because you’d like a break!
That’s like saying someone isn’t allowed to not enjoy a meal because some people are starving. Cop on

blueskiespls · 22/12/2018 11:51

@Hotchocolate18 hope you're ok.
Me and my ex share the children. I have 4 he has 3 days a week. This has been for nearly 3 years.
I feel like the 'missing them' comes and goes every few months. I have a fiancé and life, I'm busy, work, hobbies etc... but sometimes I just miss my 2 dd's so much! There is nothing wrong with that. I used to be with them 24/7 so it's a normal reaction. And it's definitely always worse this time of year. Even though this is 'my turn' for Xmas day.
I don't like the feeling of not feeling like a parent for part of the week... hard to make others understand

BUT saying all that... they love their dad, they are safe and happy when with him. I have nothing to worry about really. Just my own feelings from time to time!
Sending you love Star

Guest275 · 22/12/2018 13:41

How many days does he spend with him now? Every other weekend? He wants to spend more time with his own son. How is that "horrible"?

Original poster
Hotchocolate18 · 22/12/2018 13:44

He spends overall half of the nights of the month at his dad's now and every other weekend too. I feel like he isn't a healthy person to be around due to his malnipulitive ways. Becoming more and more apparent

OP posts:
blueskiespls · 22/12/2018 14:14

@Hotchocolate18 do you have a court order or just an agreement between yourselves?

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