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when should the dad have a baby to stay?

8 replies

helsbelles · 31/08/2004 21:33

in anticipation - I have a 6.5 month ds, and was only with his dad for 6 weeks, though good friends, and he was at the birth, comes around nearly every day etc. (this does get on my nerves sometimes - he very much wants us to be together and I need him to 'let me go' as he plays a lot of emotional guilt on me, but is a great dad) but when should I let my ds stay with his dad o/nght/for the wkd? either a one-off or regularly? I don't want him to think I'm abandoning him too young but also realise that at some point, I should let his dad have solid time alone with him (at the mo. dad is very happy to be with us both, and I'm breast feeding v.well). I read steven biddulp and think 'not for 2-3 yrs then', but am I being too clingy?

OP posts:
Lisa78 · 31/08/2004 21:36

How about starting with small chunks of time, eg an afternoon. Or an evening where he can get DS ready for bed and bring him home? Then see how comfortable you are with that
You won't be abandoning him, you will be working really hard, with his dad, to ensure he grows up knowing his dad well, which is more than a lot of children (eg my DS1) ever get, so well done you for thinking like this

LittleMissmonsterchops · 31/08/2004 21:43

My dh and I are on the verge of splitting up, then we're not, then we are. Anyway we've argued about this and spoken calmly about it and I'm of the opinion that he couldn't handle dd on his own at the moment. He's a very heavy sleeper and is partially deaf so until she's going all night happily I wouldn't want to be away from her. Have also told him that while she's bfing there's no way she's staying away from me. If we split up I wouldn't be happy until she was 4 or 5 for her to be away from me at night.

Chandra · 31/08/2004 21:49

I think that if you trust his parental skills about feeding, changing nappies and keeping her warm you can trust him to leave him with your girl for a couple of hours some time of the week. The first time I left Ds for 10 hrs I missed him so much that I almost found myself weeping, just to arrive home and find they have had a great men's day out. He was 4m at the time.

granarybeck · 31/08/2004 21:55

i guess if you trust him, as you seem to, then whenever you would feel comfortable leaving him with you mum/sister etc overnight, you could leave him with his dad. You could prepare yourself with smaller chunks of time (making sure you do something nice to avoid worrying). it may help him read the situation as seperate but cooperative parenting if that is what you were wanting rather than being with you to see ds.

beansmum · 31/08/2004 21:56

i would leave him for a day or an afternoon and see how they get on. maybe you could leave them at your house and go out somewhere just for a couple of hours? his dad could put him to bed at your house while you're out. I wouldn't leave him overnight but i'm probably not the best person to ask, my ds is 13 weeks and i haven't even trusted my mum to watch him for more than 30mins!

Tortington · 31/08/2004 23:54

i think most men are perfectly capable and lots of women dont give them the chance even when they are in a relationship. let him have the kid overnight.

vicimelly · 01/09/2004 00:56

Agree that if you are comfortable that he can do the basics: nappy changes etc and you trust him then there is no reason why you shouldnt let him take ds. I left my dd with my ex for an evening(about 5 hrs) when she was 8 weeks old, and he coped brilliantly.
Now she's 3 and a half and I know I can leave her with him for any ammount of time because he's always looked after her and I know he can.
He had a her for a week during the holidays last year, it was very strange to start with but definitely a lovely break!!
You should go for it, start with small ammounts of time until you get more comfortable with it, then as time goes on extend it. Gives them a time to build a good relationship and gives you time to yourself!
Also agree with last poster, a lot of women dont give men the chance, when almost always they are more than capable of looking after their kids! lol
I think the longer you leave it the harder it will be aswell, just my opinion though!

helsbelles · 02/09/2004 21:31

hanks for advice! though I do leave my ds with him and realise he copes and it's good for both of them- only b/f stops either of us extendnig the period. I was more meaning when is it appropriate to set up a regular over-night stay, though at the moment, his dad can't provide him with his own bed or space to sleep in. I'll propose that he stays here for the night whilst I'm away sometime when I'm no longer b/fing (he already stays one night most weeks with me here).

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