Hi guys
Iām new to mums net šš»
Any advice I would appreciate.
My girls (twins) 7 years old, there father an I split some years back.
He spent the first 5 years of there life in prison.
When he returned home, in the interests of the girls mental health an the fact they showed a want to see there dad. I allowed contact, and watched closely, to assure girls welfare was met, which it was till a few months back.
So I have been more than accommodating and always allowed contact on amicable terms between us, and been flexible with him.
Things seemed ok, but
3 years later, we have had to take the court route because I stopped contact,
when his new partner hurt my child.
The child came home very distressed claiming she felt picked on and could not turn to her dad for comfort.
I addressed the issue, an he refused to believe the child.
This led to no contact for 6 months.
In that time, he didnāt ring or try an contact me or make any adequate effort to address the issue properly.
We went to court a few weeks back
and had to have mediation.
Weāre i got the point across, that if i raise a welfare issue, he has to address it!
Not start a shit throwing match, and dance around the issue an blame the child on telling lies.
Even if the child did lie, itās for a attention in my view, which heās clearly not giving, (the said child did not lie ) mediation paved the way for contact to resume on new terms.
Another issue, has always been money.
He refuses to tell me his financial stand point an I recently found out heās on benefits he does pay voluntary maintenance, which was agreed between us.
This has not came easy either I had to push to get it and in the summer he has the girls 3 nites a week. So I agreed to drop maintenance during that time, seeing as he asked, stating he had to buy adequate food and clothing. I agreed, feeling that was fair on him.
Itās never been about money for me, itās always been about the girls having a relationship with there dad and a happy fulfilled child hood. As no parent wants to raise a child with issues who may turn to drugs or drink later in life. Thatās my belief anyway.
But I feel like a door mat the more I give the more he wants heās narcissistic to a really demeaning degree, I literally can not talk to him, he turns everything into a point scoring session were he always feels he ya stonhavr the upper hand,
he even allows his new wife write his replies to me. Which are written in a very demoralising manner to say the least.
In the latest court order, he wants the agreed contact , but has put in the court order, that I am ānever allowed to ask him for any extra help with money towards the childrenās school uniforms, or extra curricular or other wise.
I mean he pays the bare minimum let me tell you, itās more than the csa would give me by a couple of pound , absolutely nothing exciting.
He has no other children to pay for an his wife owns the home he now lives in. My question is , given heās home some years from prison (3)
Still not found a job ....
Missed 5 years of there life were I carried the financial burden for him...
Can he actually put that in a court order?
I mean what if he gets a job ? Or his financial circumstances change?
His solicitor sent it in writing to my solicitor, making me think, this must be legal??? I mean heās actually saying this weekly amount is all Iām contributing to my kids upbring f;āā¬ you, what if the girls do need extra help? Or the girls major miles stone in life were I need help.
I feel like a door mat in the interests of the girls, he seems more focused on money than anything else, the order clearly states that his solicitor took instructions from him to add to the order that āI must never ask him for any extra money for school uniforms or extra curricular helpā or anything else !!! The amount he gives is the amount he is prepaired to pay for the forceable !! I feel absolutely disgusted and Iām really struggling now to stomach him, as I have always been fair with him and included him but now I feel so disgusted and down throdden by his attitude I donāt know what to do.
I donāt feel I can sign that order, I feel that is the treatment I do not deserve, given I have never made life hard for him, with his kids an always been accommodating... maybe Iām just venting I Donāt know but has anyone been in a similar situation like this ? What happens if I donāt sign the contact order ? Can I just add Iām not a jealous ex either , I have now married myself and have 2 more beautiful children and Again I am new so please be gentle...
Thankyou guys
Xx