Ex's mental health and visitation

[maximummy123]

My ex has just told me he can't have daughter tomorrow because his head is not in a good place and she shouldn't be around him at the minute but he wants to have her in a few days. I am now worried about him having her. He won't tell me what is going on with his mental health. He just expects me to trust he is safe to have our daughter. I don't know what to do for the best.

He might be having a bad few days it's that time of year plus unlike a rp he cause change plan when he's unable to cope.
Have you even asked someone to have your dc when you've need a break? Like when you to broke up, I'm not making excuses but sometimes it's better to have some time than have a dc around when you aren't able to take full car or be happy

plenty of parents have MH and still look after their kids. I think yabu sorry!

Very very few people with mental health difficulties are not safe to look after their own children.

It's difficult for people to admit to mental health problems, even more so for men. I'd respect his honesty rather than making something up.

I understand many people have mh problems. I have had issues myself. Its just that I have no idea what is going on with his mh. He keeps everything from me and then tells me to trust him. At the same time he expects me to tell him everything about my health incase it affects our lg. His health does affect her. He keeps cancelling visits because of it.

well he doesnt have to tell you. its personal.

If its going to affect our daughter i should be told. He can't expect me to tell him everything about and to tell me nothing. I am sick of upsetting our lg everytime he decides at the last minute that he can't take her. I can't explain to her why coz i don't know. All i can tell her is 'sorry daddy isn't coming again'.

You shouldn't be telling her what he say any way.

If i know whats going on i can tell her daddy isn't well or he has an appointment for example but he doesn't tell me anything. For all i know he is just too busy or can't be bothered half the time. He cancels more times than he actually sees her. Why should I make excuses for him

just say he is not well, dont see why she needs to know more than that? also dont tell her he is coming that way it saves the disappointment if he doesnt show up.

Make excuses for you child!!! Jesus Christ! Do you know how it feel not to be loved or wanted? You obviously hate your ex and he hurt you, but it will never ever compare to how the child feels.
I'm and sick of people acting as if the child is fine, when they aren't and as they grow that feeling gets worse.
I get your pissed off and he probably is feckless, but your child is the one you protect over and over again. Because child never get over their parents.

I know exactly what it feels like. My family life was awful. My mum and dad hated each other. I barely saw my mum. I have always felt like she never wanted me or that i never deserved to be loved. My dad cared more about my brother than me. I have looked after myself since I was a teenager. He is doing exactly the same to my daughter now as my mum did to me and yes i hate him for that and what he has done to me. I will never forgive him. Don't judge me when you know nothing about my life. I thought this site was meant to be about support and advice not judgement.

It wasn't a judgement at all
That's the point it's telling you to take a moment and understand why you shouldn't be telling her stuff.
It's your tone.
And it's your thread that jump to conclusions that he's a sudden danger because he doesn't communicate.
I totally get you angry at him and he may be lying or using it as a excuses but you need to remove as much feels and worry for yourself and dc.

Ps that's awful you feel like that (by your family) and are scare he doing the same.

Mh is such a vague term .

My ex threatened to kill himself and my Ds so for me to hand my Ds over yes I had to assess if he was fit and safe to look after my Ds.

So to say it’s none of your business is bizarre .

I also know my best friend who has bi- polar at her most ill will say she is really well and doesn’t realise how ill she ill till she is better.

My point is the spectrum of mh is vast .

If he is so unwell he can’t see his dd I cannot see how he will be well in a few days .

Well no ones health is anyone elses business really is it? plenty of mums
out there with pnd still looking after their children.

Considering he told me he shouldn't be around our daughter and I clearly can't trust him to be open with me about his illness, my only option will be to contact social services and explain my concerns. He will have to tell them all his issues instead and they can assess if he is well enough to look after his daughter. Until the assessmentment is complete i will ask them to arrange supervised visits. My daughters wellbeing has to come first.

Sounds like you just want a reason to stop contact, not sure why you posted to be honest. You obviously had your mind made up.

I don't want my daughter not to see her dad. I just want to be sure he is in the right head space to look after her. If he won't be honest i don't know what else to do. The reason I posted is that I am fairly new to being a single mum and I thought that I might get some helpful advice or suggestions of how to deal with this. Clearly this site is not the place to ask for support. I will delete my profile.

If your newly single than the last thing you want to do is call ss because he won't communicate.
Don't take everything as judgement or negative.
You could repost and get loads of other advice, also many people have been on the other side so don't like the idea of mental health being a cause to judge parenting or have made your mistake and want to help
You not.