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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Would it be crazy and selfish to get pregnant?

25 replies

Mayarose3467 · 04/12/2018 22:49

Hello, I won’t write everything as there is a lot to write. I’m a mum of 2 year old girl and I don’t want to be with her dad. He’s got his good sides but is also a nasty piece of work at times. I find him controlling, mischevious, argumentative. I definitely do not want to be with him. My family and friends don’t want to have anything to do with him because of the way he treated me. The question I have is would it be wrong to get pregnant before leaving him? I know life would be hard. I can’t imagine how I would cope with 1 child let alone 2 on my own. But I feel so guilty that my daughter doesn’t have a sybling. I’m 40 so if I was to have kids it would have to be now. I don’t believe I have time to meet someone new and have a baby with them. Also I seem to be choosing wrong men. I would really appreciate advice.

OP posts:

Claw001 · 04/12/2018 22:51

Yes it would be crazy and selfish!

peachypetite · 04/12/2018 22:53

Don't be so fucking ridiculous. You know this is a terrible idea reallyz

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/12/2018 22:53

In the nicest possible way, I think you’d be completely mad. Why choose to stay with him long enough to get pregnant and then tie yourself to him for even longer than necessary? He sounds awful. Don’t have sex with him. Don’t spend any time with him at all. Your DD doesn’t need a sibling, she needs a happy mum who has healthy boundaries.

olivertwistwantsmore · 04/12/2018 22:53

Wtf? It would be insane.

eloliphant · 04/12/2018 22:53

This is incredibly messed up and wrong!

So you're going to sleep with someone you don't intend on staying with to deliberately get pregnant, then leave them just so your child can have a sibling?

You need to give your head a wobble OP

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/12/2018 22:54

It would be the wrong thing for your future child for one thing, to grow up with this man for a father who if he is as you say, is really not an ideal choice of dad! A controlling nasty piece of work.. this child would be exposed to that.

You might meet someone else and have another child or you might not have more children but siblings are not the be all and end all.

PlaymobilPirate · 04/12/2018 22:57

Crazy and wrong. There'll be enough upheaval for your current child if / when you leave without adding a baby into the mix.

Could you support an extra child?

Prisonbreak · 04/12/2018 23:06

Shit like this is why men label women phsyco!

Original poster

Mayarose3467 · 04/12/2018 23:38

Thanks for your answers. Yes he does have this bad side to him. He stole money from me, argued about what I’m wearing, pretended he’s me and contacted my work to put a complain in about someone I worked with. And yes I doubt it would be a good idea to have another kid with him that’s why I thought I would ask here. There was no need for name calling though.

OP posts:

cheesemongery · 04/12/2018 23:44

Think about your 2 year old and the attention and love she will need whilst you are alone, adjusting and just coping. With a newborn, she'll be maybe 3, going on 4 she loves YOU and needs YOU - she doesn't give a shit about a sibling.

You'd also tie yourself doubly to this man for the rest of your life.

Original poster

Mayarose3467 · 05/12/2018 07:45

I am tied to him already as my doughter is his unfortunately.

OP posts:

Claw001 · 05/12/2018 07:52

Having a baby should be a joint decision. Do you think your partner would want another baby, when you tell him of your plan to get pregnant and leave?

CAAKE · 05/12/2018 08:36

Slightly different situation, but I have a good friend who mutually agreed with her partner to do exactly what you suggest. They made a plan to have a second baby then split up because they wanted their older DC to have a sibling. They live close to each other and the children see them both, so it's worked out well for them. BUT I think your situation is quite different - it's never right to deceive a man into having a child he doesn't want (or might not once he knows you are leaving him).

INeedNewShoes · 05/12/2018 08:40

You would be incredibly selfish to knowingly bring a child into the world with a father you describe in such a way.

If you want another child there are much better ways to go about it.

Ozziewozzie · 05/12/2018 08:45

I beg to differ. Why is the idea so insane? Ok, it’s not that unusual. How many people live in unhappy relationships and still chose to have children or another child to accompany the first?
Op is already a mum and (tied) to the father. She already knows what being a mum involves. She’s not expecting him to have the baby. Op wants to enrich her dc life by providing a sibling. Lots of us decide to have another child for exactly that same reason. She doesn’t want to run out and have one night stands to get pregnant by other means. I’m shocked someone on here implied op was a psycho. That was appalling and uncalled for.

whatswithtodaytoday · 05/12/2018 08:48

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having an only child. A sibling night 'enrich' your child's life, but it might also make it harder because you'll be a lone parent with an incredibly hard job to do and very little time.

Just leave.

Claw001 · 05/12/2018 08:49

Providing her partner agrees to wanting another child, agreeing to financially support the child and being a part time dad, then it’s all good!

Sunisshining5346 · 05/12/2018 08:58

I'm with you @ozziewozzie..
She described how he is with her..but not how he is with her child..

Is he a good father to your child?
Could you both afford another child?

GinIsIn · 05/12/2018 09:11

Don’t be so stupid. The best thing for your DD would be to focus your energy on her, not add another child to the situation.

Halloweenallyearround · 05/12/2018 13:34

Having one is very different to have two. And are you expecting him to come to scans, would you be ok with him taking the baby out without you? Over night stays? Maybe with a new partner.
Would you be ok to be pregnant and alone.
The idea is one thing but the reality is another.
Have you thought that your dd will work out that the baby was conceived and you broke up- she may recent her sibling.
Could you imagine someone tricking your child in to having a baby? It's beyond selfish.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 05/12/2018 17:48

Jesus wept....

Sometimes, I despair. I really do.

NGC2017 · 05/12/2018 22:13

Wow. I think you know the answer yourself!

I've been on my own with my DS most of his life. He is now 4 and I really had hoped he would have a sibling by now. But he doesn't. But there is no way I would have a baby with a man I didn't intend to stay with just to give him a sibling. Focus on your child. Yes I'd love to see him playing with his brother or sister but he is happy, has my attention and doesn't have to seem Mommy struggling or battling with a dick for his dad

Lauren83 · 06/12/2018 06:01

Terrible idea! Plus it could take years to get pregnant at 40 and may never happen at all so would you really want to stick with him for years on the off chance it happens

Santasushi · 06/12/2018 06:10

‘He’s a nasty piece of work sometimes’

Don’t stoop to his level.

sue51 · 06/12/2018 12:11

Yes, it would be crazy and selfish. Don't do it.

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