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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ok they're coming tomorrow...what was the plan again??

46 replies

flightattendant · 23/06/2007 15:36

Ex-P. and his two older kids (14 and 11) are coming tomorrow morning to see the new baby (now 11 days old). I'm very nervous.

I havent't seen the man since April when I had him round to try and explain his rotten behaviour when we were together (ditched him last November and he's been on at me for another chance since). Needless to say, no decent explanation was forthcoming...he'd had 'other pressures' which made him be a prick. . He did apologise, but that ain't enough.

The other day he asked me what he's supposed to have done that was so bad I had to dump him. I started saying 'there were so many things' and he quickly shut up, seemed to accept it ('ok, ok...') but I still feel like he wants to believe I made it all up just so I could have a great pregnancy all on my own!!! and have to rely on my parents! Yup, shucks I've been sussed...

Anyway they are coming between 9 and 11am (not sure when or how long)
I'm sending DS1 to Grandma's up the road, because I don't want him having anything more to do with Ex-P. (rather DS2 didn't either but have no choice in the long run, really).
What is the drill? Obviously I'm getting no sleep and finding it hard to cope already, especially with this little clan on my case (his mother has been a right bullying cow this week) but what if DS needs a feed, what if he's asleep, I mean, sure, they'll want to see him and hold him etc. but he's a tiny newborn fgs and I can't predict what he'll need.
I don't plan to feed in front of them or wake him if he's asleep, so what does that leave, do I just have to make conversation with them? I don't know if I can tbh.

Hoping this visit will be a one off especially if it's as tricky as I think it might be.
What does everyone else do in this situation?

OP posts:

NurseyJo · 24/06/2007 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

flightattendant · 24/06/2007 11:45

If they turn up now I would just not answer the door I think.
No, actually they'd hear DS1 racing around. I'd answer it and say, sorry, we're just on our way out, can you call me to rearrange the visit.

I've left my note on the front door anyway...it says, 'Gone to pick up DS, what happened, thought we said 9-11am? don't wait, we'll be gone a while.'

That's still there so if they did show up now, hopefully they'd go away again.

Saying that I don't think they will. And we do have to go out.

I can't think of a reason they'd do this, hopefully it isn't tactical and part of a bigger plot or something...god I'm a bit paranoid! Only excuse I can think is if they#'d been in a car accident or something, anything else they could have called to let me know.

OP posts:

Tinkerbel5 · 24/06/2007 12:28

defo keep a diary, dont do anything else now as you have given him the oportunity to come round and he hasnt even had the decency to ring to cancel, its up to you but you dont have to have him in if he turns up sometime today, he hasnt honoured the times he was supposed to be there so he cant come and go as he pleases.

Original poster

flightattendant · 24/06/2007 13:55

Thanks...no sign as yet. I can't figure it out. Wednesday when we spoke, he was all upset about my not consulting him on the name, and how he wanted to feel 'connected' to the baby. Then he wouldn't come over by himself and said we'll stick to Sunday. Now he's not even turned up. I mean I doubt they've all been eaten by a wild animal, it's a 5 minute drive

I don't understand but I am grateful that DS2 is too tiny to register it...had my older boy been expecting him, or had DS2 been older, I'd have been really angry that he'd let them down.

Just goes to show that his words about not being around to bring up the baby, were pretty accurate
What makes a bloke be such a tw*t?

OP posts:

Summerfruit · 24/06/2007 14:00

Message withdrawn

Original poster

flightattendant · 24/06/2007 14:09

Hi Summer, thankyou for your kind words. I guess it only means I don' have to see the man and that's a good thing!

also I get more of ds2 to myself

OP posts:

Original poster

flightattendant · 24/06/2007 14:11

Oh I just saw your pics!!! Precious little Elodie! How lovely they both are, you must be very proud xx

OP posts:

lulumama · 24/06/2007 14:19

oh FA

what a twunt

there you are investing all this emotional energy into preparing for his vist, and he cannot be bothered

knob

and second freckle...note down the arrangements you made and that he didn;t show or phone

no doubt he was too upset to show up

Original poster

flightattendant · 24/06/2007 14:30

Thanks Lulu x

I know, the boys need me and it makes me angry that my thinking has been so wrapped up over this idiot...well, no more of it, I'm going to get on with our lives, and try not to let him bother me.

How dare he!!!!

OP posts:

lulumama · 24/06/2007 14:31

yeah, you go girl ! get angry !

seriously, you;ve come this far without him, you can go further x

mojosmum · 24/06/2007 14:45

i dont know what make a bloke such a twat but if you find out could you let me know as dds dad is not much better

makemineadouble · 24/06/2007 19:22

Hi FA I'm annoyed for you because you put in so much effort getting ready for this meeting what a dipstick! no phonecall nothing!

But then I'm pleased that he's showing his true colours it all makes your case stronger and think how you'l enjoy telling his mother that golden boy did'nt even turn up ha ha

I agree with diary keep note as well and get a friend to witness the meeting was arranged and that your not making it up although I dont think anyone would doubt you I hope he does'nt just turn up now out of blue

Original poster

flightattendant · 25/06/2007 06:29

Thanks MMAD, my thoughts entirely...I have a feeling this will all be blamed on me, for being so mean the other day and saying, 'yes, you were pretty nasty to me and I'm not prepared to go back to that relationship'.

I'm sure his mother will know he didn't come, and try to defend him ('he feels things deeply') but honestly they are both unhinged IMHO.

Yes, true colours indeed...

He has no consideration whatsoever. (God I even hoovered, that won't happen for a while now!)

If he turns up, he's not coming in. But I think he's too scared to anyway.

OP posts:

Tinkerbel5 · 25/06/2007 10:26

fa has he rang you yet ? there is no excuse for what he did, if he couldnt have made it he could have called, at least that would show he is actually bothered.

Original poster

flightattendant · 25/06/2007 15:29

Hi Tink, no, not a sausage...I'm baffled. I think maybe he just decided that I was a bit too self assured about the reasons why I ditched him in the first place...and if he's not going to get any respect here, then he didn't want to come round...or something like that.
When I was seeing him, he always used to blame his 'disappearances' on my having been supposed to have called him...never the other way round.
I think it was a big excuse for just being highly commitment phobic.

Well if we never see him again, that works for me

Thanks for asking.

OP posts:

makemineadouble · 12/07/2007 19:18

Hi flightattendant x

Has anymore happened? know it's been a while but what happened? have you seen him or his mother?

Original poster

flightattendant · 13/07/2007 13:19

Hi there MMaD, how's things with you? It's really nice of you to remember.

Well, I still haven't heard a peep from either of them, after all that! It's so weird isn't it? I am glad that I can just carry on with my life without their (dubious)input. It's so much easier.

Tbh I think where it all fell apart with DS1's dad, was the fact I was so incredibly angry that he was just rocking up once a fortnight, never helped with anything else, etc. that I found it almost impossible to be near him. I think the same might happen with this bloke even if he did start visiting regularly.

I'm wondering if his mum knew all the time that he didn't intend to show up...that could have been why she insisted she visit by herself, as if she'd been coming with him, she wouldn't have been able to iyswim.

Also now, she'll find it hard to stick up for him after what he's done (or not done).
I don't know, but I hope this is it for a good while...

Thanks for aksing, hope you're Ok too xx

OP posts:

makemineadouble · 13/07/2007 16:36

Well! how interested were they!!!!!!!!

Your better off without them....If he asks again I'd tell him that after this fiasco to go through the courts that'l really put him off

btw how'd your ds1 take it? was he pleased or dissapointed that he didnt turn up?

Original poster

flightattendant · 14/07/2007 07:16

I know, it really showed his true colours...I'm sure you were right that his Mum was pressuring him. I always used to tell him when we split up, just to go off and be himself, and stop trying to pretend he wanted commitment - I had reaslised he just wasn't that kind of man and would rather he just get on with his batchelor life and leave us alone, rather than hanging around sulking.

DS1 wasn't told he was coming. I'm very glad about that as he still gets confused about ex - he has nightmares about him yet says he 'loves' him and misses him...this was a horrible side effect of ex pretending to be nice, while actually teasing DS1 until he cried, things like that - very, very screwed up and he did some damage I think - I packed DS1 off to my Mum's that morning without a hint, because I knew he'd want to stay if he knew, and boy would he have been confused/upset when they didn't show up...

Just shows what this kind of man can do to a child, which is why I don't want him involved with his son

I think you're right about refusing to give access now - as if I'm going to waste another day waiting in for him! He'd have a nerve to even ask IMO!

OP posts:

Original poster

flightattendant · 14/07/2007 07:19

Btw I told ex's mum that DS1 wouldn't be there, which she was furious about - I told her he wouldn't be having contact at all with ex. They seemed to both think they had some kind of right to be involved with him too, but he is one part of my life I never have to involve them with...tricky to sort out later if they end up seeing his brother, but at this stage he doesn;t need to be damaged any further by the idiot who was so nasty to him.

Main reason I left him was the way he behaved to DS1.

OP posts:

makemineadouble · 20/09/2007 22:17

hey you x whats happening ? go on make me laugh? tell me youv had him back! lol no... tell me youv started new, sizzling hot relationship????

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