Ex not prioritising son- how do I manage this?

[hannahc30]

My soon to be ex husband left me when I was 6months pregnant for a girl who had barely turned 18. We have been relatively amicable, agreeing finances/house etc between ourselves without conflict. We have also been managing contact ourselves with no real issues however, I am getting fed up with him prioritising his gf and hobbies over our son who has just turned 1. He never makes plans with me despite constant prompting and reminding meaning I'm left hanging and when he does see him it's for a couple of hours at odd times that don't really work for our sons routine e.g. over nap time- I point out to him that he'll be asleep most of the time he has him but he says that's fine. I work 4 days a week and spend every other moment looking after our son meaning I never get a moment to do anything for me- for example this week he had him for 1.5 hours one eve when I worked late (i worked late because he had him) and will have 2.5 hours at the weekend (his choice, I offered him all day and always do) and this is quite a normal pattern. I found out today that he and his girlfriend are going to a spa this weekend hence the odd time to have him and I am beyond angry.
There are 2 issues here really- he doesn't communicate with me about plans despite agreeing in mediation this would be done in advance plus the time he does have him doesn't give him quality time with our son and doesnt give me a break...how do I address this? In the past when he's not liked what I've said he's blown up, threatened to take me to court to get full custody and threatened to post things online about me

Speaking from bitter experience I’d let him take you to court (he won’t).
I spent a lot of years tying myself up in knots trying to get my ex to spend more time with the dc (he doesn’t) and he threatened court all the time. I wish I’d just let him do it. The court would have ordered him way more contact than he was bothering to have. My dc are teenagers now and he seems permanently baffled that they can take or leave him but he is getting back what he put in.
You cannot make him change but you can change how you deal with him. He’s using court as way to make you behave and not argue with him. For one if he can’t be bothered to turn up he’s unlikely to be bothered to go to court and even if he did realistically court is not going to give full custody to a man who spend 3 hours a week with his baby.
If he wants to see your ds say yes if it is convenient for you say no if it isn’t. If he doesn’t like that he can take you to court who will put in place a schedule that he’s to stick to none of the turning up when it suits him. Don’t be bullied by him.

Unfortunately you can't make anyone be a good parent. He's not interested and doing the bare minimum. I agree with LooksBetterWithAFilter Then try and make the best life you can for you and your son. Best wishes.

Another here who spent many years trying to get ex to be more involved or even just see them.
I was given a gem of advice that I'll share....

Your exs relationship with his child is between him and them. Your ex will learn the hard way....if he puts in minimal effort....he won't get much back later in life.

Kids love their parents but there comes a time when they make their own mind up. Mine are later teens and they don't bother with ex unfortunately.

I agree with all the comments . Document every time he lets your Ds down .

I found the most liberating thing I did was to stop trying. It really hurt every time I tried and my Ds was rejected.i also realised he had stopped listening to me in our marriage so he wasn’t going to listen once we were separated.
As pp said he is going to be the dad he is going to be .