My ex has stopped the child maintenance

[EvaR85]

Hi everyone, I’m really asking for advice here. I’m at the end of tether with my ex, the father of my 2 children who I’m still married to.

We separated over 2 years ago after he was violent to me. The separation process was an absolute nightmare, he became even more violent, he abused me sexually and mentally, stalked me and made out to my family that I’ve cheated on him. He wouldn’t leave me alone up till about 10 months ago. I had police involved, but withdrew my statement after he and his family begged and begged to me that he’d leave me alone. I went through absolute worst times, I had to rebuild everything from nothing with two young kids in tow. Let me add, I am not British (my husband/ ex is), so I have absolutely no family or friends here. I went through being homeless, having social services and police involved, and my ex constantly harassing, stalking and emotionally abusing and draining me.

Now the situation is stable, I have a nice house for me and my children and a stable income. Me and my ex had an agreement where he has his children from Friday night to Sunday afternoon every week, and he was paying £50 a week in child maintenance.

Recently (since he’s with his new girlfriend) everything has gone downhill. He has stopped paying the maintenance, and he has moved in with his gf (she lives in a different town over an hours drive away), also he has not given me the address, because apparently he is unsure that I’d cause any trouble. Which is absolutely ridiculous. His gf is very young and seems to constantly cause unnecessary drama between us, also he is not bothering about the kids anymore, like how they’re doing in school or anything.

Basically I have really really had enough of the stress, and I want a legal arrangement in place as to when and where he can see his children. If he’s not giving me the address he’s taking them to, and paying no maintenance then I feel this is the only way.

Maybe anyone could tell me where do I go for help to sort this? Do I need a solicitor?
Has anyone had a similar situation? I really have no clue of what to do.

P.s. since I withdrew my statement with the police, i am not entitled to legal aid, I have already been in touch with them.

Thanks for reading this ❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Firstly go to the cms for maintenance.

Secondly a court order would only make you have the children available to him it doesn’t force him to have children.

Thirdly I would never allow my ex to have my child every weekend when do you get quality time.

go to cms and you cant force him to have the kids and to be quite honest (if it was me) i wouldnt want him to have them anyway if he was a violent abusive man.

I am not the greatest fans of the CMS however I would recommend using them as it somewhat regulates things. It also proved a point to my sons dad that i wasnt going to tolerate his shit.

I am really sorry for what you have been put through. But I have to agree, I wouldn't want my children any where near a man like that, so please dont force it. It hurts and I sympathise but I tried to force contact for so long and then one day a Solicitor told me to stop as 'you cant force anyone to do anything, even be a parent'. It was the best thing I ever did, as soon as I stopped he never tried. That proved the man he was and I knew it was for the best. There was no way I wanted someone as toxic as him around my DS

Thank you for your replies.

I wouldn’t be forcing him to see the children, he kind of wants to be in their lives, but only when it suits him.

He’s had them most weekends, and it worked for me, as I have to work at some point, and the weekends are the only time I can get the hours done. If I stopped him from seeing them, it’d also mean I’d lose my job
My kids are 7 and 4 year olds, and I wouldn’t want to stop the contact completely. He is not a bad dad (not a great one either) after all, and I believe he wouldn’t be violent towards the kids.

But with him not giving me the address they’re staying at, and stopping the money, I feel like I need to “teach him a lesson” or show him I won’t put up with it.

I’m just not sure of the right thing to do in this situation.

Contact with the children is separate from maintenance. Although frustrating.

Make contact with cms. Show him you aren't going to be messed about.

Arrange to work when you have paid childcare. Don't be dependent on him. He will only use this against you. Put in a claim for tax credits or uc. They will pay up to 80% of your childcare bill

Make the children available for contact. If he doesn't come. He misses out.

Sadly the court process isnt cheap unless you self represent. For all three court hearings it will cost about £5k. And he can't be forced to see the children.

Sorry you have found yourself in this situation.