Going through a difficult phase myself.

[SofaKingFedUp]

I don't know if i have PND but recently I feel maybe it could be what's wrong but then some days I'm like nah I'm totally fine. So I don't really know, did those "questionnaire" things with HV last visit but she said she didn't think I was so...
I'm a single mum, father lives in a different country so texts everyday about DD but no help from him in any aspect.
First 3 months of parenthood were great, stressful but i was enjoying it and took to being a mum pretty well.
Then I started gettin phases where I would feel really low, lonely and a bit of a failure. I get really irritable in the phases and the smallest thing can put me in a bad mood, make me angry etc.
Before I became a mum I had the patience of a saint. It took a lot to make me angry or upset, I was thick skinned and had faith that life is life and everything happens for a reason etc
So why now am I feeling totally opposite. I feel I'm going to be a single mum forever, I feel like a shitty mum because I can't deal with DD crying, she doesn't even cry that often it's just when she has to nap she fights it. I've tried everything, singing a song used to work but now it doesn't, her dad used to play this song to her when we visited him and now that seems to 33help but that now pisses me off cos he's never here and has seen her a total of 5 weeks out of the 7 months she's been alive. But yet his song helps to settle her. But as soon as she starts to cry it's like my whole body tenses, she's started doing this high pitched whine when she's bored and it really annoys me. Why?! I feel like such a horrible person that my baby's only way of communicating with me is annoying me
When I'm not in these phases everything's fine. I can deal with her crying better I can handle it and I feel positive, but these phases are happening more often now. I have basically no friends that live near me. I've started to use my KIT days at work but this doesn't seem to help because the boss is puttin me down for 10 hour shifts so I'm shattered cos I still have to care for DD before/after work.
I take DD to soft play at least once a week and I seem to be the only person alone. Everyobe has a friend or a partner. It makes me feel so lonely.
I've started taking DD to swimming lessons hoping to meet other mums, but it was full off grandparents (like 60 years old, no joke) not that there's anythinf wrong with that but I'm 28 and I'm looking for someone with similar interests. There's a new baby group just started near me which I'm going to go to but my anxiety plays up and then I get anxious about going...
Recently all I've seen on my social media is people gettin married, having babies, buying a house, doing stuff together as a family. And yeah I'm really jealous. That's all I wanted but my ex decided he would just play with my life instead and waste my time. Of course I have something beautiful from that waste of space but I just feel so shitty.
What can I do? I also feel like my mum is judging me if I show how I'm feeling or tell her. Her response is always "but she's a baby" "she could be worse, she could cry all the time" or "but look how cute she is" yeah she's beautiful and of course I can see that she is Infact a baby, but does that mean I'm not allowed to feel exhausted/overwhelmed/low/lonely?? I know she could be worse and I know I'm lucky that she hardly cries but I feel irritated when she does and I don't want to feel like this,But I can't help it. I can't seem to stop myself from gettin irritated by it.

I love my DD I just don't know why becoming a mum has changed my outlook on life, made me so negative and left me feeling the loneliest I've ever felt. I do everything I can to make DD happy and make sure she's taken care of and most of the time I love taking her out and playing with her. Just some days i want to just run away. Even if my mum takes her for the day I have no one to go and do something with. So I'm even more lonely. I'm living with my mum at the moment to save money for a place of my own, but I hate asking her for help even though she loves looming after DD, one time we argued and she threw up the fact she babysat DD while I was in hospital over night (unexpectedly) so since then I don't like asking. And that's no one else to help out but I'm exhausted physically and mentally.

I'm sorry it's so long. I just needed to vent.

could relate alot to your op. im a single mum ex is completely absent only i have 4 children (7.6.4 and 18 months) whenever i take them anywhere i am also the only one alone, everyone is in big groups or its couple, really knocks my confidence taking them out as i feel abit of a loner.

@CandyCreeper Its really rubbish, isn't it? I'm really fed up of being alone. How do you even meet people when you have a child/children.

its off the cards for me as i have no help 😭 maybe your mum could help out sometimes when your dd is abit older? i wouldnt worry about asking just take the help if its available.

Op, you aren’t the only one. Being isolated & lonely is horrible. And quite common I think. .
I’ve been on my own for a long time now, but before that, ex just carried on with his non-parent life living in our house and assumed I would do everything. So I left.

Then I did park run with ds in a buggy on Saturday mornings. And I went to the local church mums group (I don’t have a religious bone in my body). I joined the local baby sitting circle - bit of extra cash and get to know other mums. And I offered to help year 1s at the local primary with their reading practice. It takes a bit of effort but I gradually got to know other parents. No new partner but people to chat to and one or two good friends.

Op I could have written your post. Dw about feeling guilty at being annoyed at your DD. Sometimes life is overwhelming but you know you love her. It has got easier as my DS has got older and he can talk to me now and is more independent. But I get the lonliness. I've had a bad night tonight, most nights I just sit in front of the tv and have no one to talk to. Not nice. I'm hoping as time goes on I'll have more people to speak to or maybe even a partner

It's really hard being a lone parent, and knackering. However lovely your child is, doesn't make it less knackering! And it can also be isolating. You do sound a little bit like you might be suffering from some depression though - worth a conversation with your GP?

How old is your DD?

@Amazona24 hope you're feeling ok. I'm hoping as DD gets older and communicate more, I'll find it a bit easier. I want to move into my own place but I feel right now it may make me feel worse. Let's hope we meet some people, or partners. Because loneliness is horrible

@MissB83 i went to my GP last week and explained everything, she's now set up an appt once a week with someone who I can go talk to and help me change my way of thinking. So hopefully it works. And my DD is 7 months

Hi everyone. Need to admit I am struggling a bit this year now it's nearly Xmas. Divorced 6 years but ended a shifty relationship 18 months ago. Childcare disappeared due to exh moving so I probably would have met someone by now but I can never go out!!! Also I'm v worried about the dds being exposed to yet more da. But if a vicious circle really. Think I might delete Instagram it's really not helping. Massive trees and cutesy pics. My dds wanted to do plastic free so we bought a little potted tree which now feels inadequate though I know it's not.

I'm always glad when it's January again!!!

sofa also just to add I had/have PND. It's not as bad as it was I cried every day. Now it's just bad days here and there. Anti depressants and counselling helped