Hi,
Just wondering how you all deal with when your kids are with their dads? I have to be perfectly honest but I am dreading it and just very anxious on top of it.
Ds is 14 months but hasn't seen his dad since he was 7 months old due to a domestic violence incident when ds was there. I ended the relationship with my ex when ds was just a couple of weeks old due to it been a horrible relationship I was miserable in and also his drinking every day and I did not want ds growing up around any of this. I was advised by my solicitor 7 months ago to stop contact cos of the DV incident and due to the fact ex tried to run off with ds. We have been going through court since June and the court wanted to know about other DV incidents that have happened and also wanted my ex to do drug an alcohol tests so the court had ordered no contact which was recommended by cafcass. He has now finally took the drug an alcohol tests which he has delayed for months as they were ordered in August but I know him and know for a fact he will have delayed the tests to give him a chance to cut down to give a better result. I spent over 4 years with this man so I know how much he drinks, he also had a 25 year cannabis habit which he also stopped cos i told him id get him drug tested months ago stupidly.
We are back at court next week to see about a third party supervising contact to reintroduce ds to his dad as he is only 14 months and not seen his dad for basically half of his life so won't know him. It will be supervised initially then he will be allowed ds on his own. This is terrifying me as I know now he has the alcohol tests done he will go back to normal with his drinking. He has also taken ds around cannabis use in the middle of the afternoon at his friends house to which I was told its none of my business. He also drove a car with ds in when ds was days old after my ex had sat up drinking all night and was meant to be looking after him.
I know after this hearing next week he will most likely get contact again. I am hoping my mum can be the 3rd party to supervise as she knows ds's routine and needs but it's scaring me to death when he's going to get him on his own. I have found court very disappointing and everything just seems to be played down. Court just seems to want this perfect Apple pie world where everyone gets on but it's not reality. Tbh ds is still a baby with no voice of his own so for them to order just 4 sessions at 2 hours a time of supervised contact (8 hours essentially) then gets to have him on his own when ds hasn't seen him for 7 months and won't know him is pretty bad in my opinion.
He has no clue how to care for ds he's never even fed him food before. Even when he was a younger baby he struggled with basic care like nappy changes and when to do it and it's even harder now as ds is walking and has very different needs now. Ex has never had any dealing with children before so not sure how he's going to cope.
I have got used to having ds all to myself for the last 7 month's and my whole world revolves around him I have no life of my own. When he starts having him alone my anxiety is going to go through the roof. We are having a section 7 report done through cafcass so need to go back to court in January after it's done. I am just so worried and anxious about my ds. I ended the relationship to get him away from coming to any harm but I have to do what a court orders and quite frankly do not know how I'm going to cope with him having him. Even worse when he will eventually have me back at court cos he wants overnights.
How does everyone cope when their babies are away from them? Some are maybe glad of the break but i am dreading it because of the situation.