Lone parent rant...let it all out!

[anothermansmother]

I just needed a place to vent and have a little rant.
I've been on my own now for 9 years, I've done everything alone since before ds was born and ds was 2. And I'm tired and I'm skint and I'd love a break for even a day, but I never get one!
Today I got pissed off as one of my friends was telling how much easier it is for me getting help as I'm single, I don't get a penny from anyone, not ex partner, not family no one. Yet I hit my tongue as she would have bore the full force if I had if started.
Sometimes I feel that life is very unjust, whilst I'm working full time, ferrying children from place to place my ex is working 2 days a week and doing what he wants. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't go near him but if he got off his lazy arse I'd be better if financially and not so stressed all the time about money.
The only plus side to being s lone parent is all the love from my beautiful, fantastic dc, who I wouldn't change for the world.
Ok rant over anyone else want to get anything off their chest?

I’ve never understood why people think being single makes it easier to get help. They have either never done it or are living in a parallel universe.
I’ve been on my own for 7 years, and while I do get cm, my ex does about 20 nights a year, has never done a school run, a play date, a docs appt. It's the lonely evenings that get to me.
And he complained about the cost of school lunch - which has gone up by 10p a day - of which I pay half - so 5p a day x 190 = less than £10 a year. He sat is my kitchen, drinking my coffee, beside his new flipping iPhone and whined. And I wanted to punch him more than I can say.
But I didn’t because my ds is a exuberant carefree 10yo who says things like “you and daddy never argue, do you” and I would walk over hot coals not to dent that happiness.
Deep breathe, another night in

I've only recently become a single parent and my rant is directed at myself. 13yo DC has adjusted well, but younger DC 10 hadn't she's become very inward turning and not talking about her feelings. It becomes frustrating dealing with it and I end up having a rant at her and then having the terrible guilts about it and hate myself more.

Another thing that gets to me is the kids being ill, I've just had to take 3 days off work because if a throat infection. It's got to be done but still it doesn't make me feel good that I'm taking time off. Also it's the school ringing during the day "can you collect X because Y" aaargh! Up and away from my desk more time out of work.

Finally it's the lack of awareness of some. I have one colleague who loves to crow on that she's a working mum, with DH and extended family. At one meeting it was "Ooo! You can tell I'm a working mum because I always have wipes in my bag" I'd arrived late at that meeting and got snarked at, because DC2 was struggling in the morning and we were late for school and I had to see the ELSA teacher too. I spent an hour and a half having to constantly re explain a system process over and over because "I'm not technical and I need to understand" buy a book or Google it fucker (it's an industry standard) it's a lot less hard than the process of getting 2 kids off to separate schools at different times on your tod with all the ancillary bits of shit that kids never remember to do. And if the high point if your work day is having wipes in your bag to clean a white board, with four gormless dicks in your team who contributed nothing and also can't read a book or Google it and you need to be spoonfed by me. With a follow up email afterwards asking me to turn up at meetings on time. Funny thing is blokes at work are much more understanding about being a single working parent - probably they are thinking "thank fuck I don't have to do what he has to".

Rant over and out thanks for letting me get it off my chest.

@disneyspendingmoney That's just it, I feel constantly judged. Whilst just getting on with things. There is no judgement if your part of a couple even if you can't hold your shit together between you!
And also people are very quick to forget when they are no longer a lone parent and ask stupid questions like why can't your ex babysit so we can have a night out!

I'm sure the judging bit affects every single line parent. I don't need others judging me because I can do that all by myself. Kids don't get my full attention. Work doesn't get my full attention. Home doesn't get my full attention and neither do the bills.

I'm pretty new to all this but if this is what my life is going to be, while ex gets pissed up, wallows in self pity and wines about how hard done by she is (talk to the kids social worker love stop being in denial) and has hypermanic episodes while paying no child maintainance and turning into a fucking stereotype. Then all so be it, but dafuk.

Fortunately/unfortunately I was brought up to be concientious and do my obligations, I don't resent the kids because they didn't ask for this and haven't deserved this and I worry that one word out if place will cause me to do something dumb arse, cos tired resentful, having to deal with ex shit, school shit, work shit, other people's shit while all the time trying to present as fucking reasonable.

If what in feeling is the average for a lone parent and I get male privilege get out of jail card then all single mums getting no maintainance, no support and under £40k should be armed by the state and given a double oh license

Sorry one final thing.

The arrogant cockstar narcissistic bellends who whine about paying maintainance and not see their kids on their schedule.

One smug superstar expert third party consultant on my current prohect, on hearing about my separation crowed on about how unfair his maintainence payment was (I know your consultancy fees mate) and how he was taken to the cleaners in the divorce and only get to see his kids once a month for a few hours.

Given what I've been through and what cafcass CP section 7 and the court has ordered. I looked at him and said "Fuck, man. You must have been one nasty bastard to your missus if that's what happened. I feel for her"

The fact I have MH problems and no family and nearest true friend is 400 miles away... Means I spend most of my time wondering what the fuck is going on.

I'd like someone to take over for a night. Not so I can "go out with the girls" and spend all night wearing a unicorn hat and downing shots. But simply so I can sit in silence and unwravel my brain.

Because I'm judged because I don't achieve much. In between the juggling life, MH, work, house, bills etc. There are the inevitable phone calls from school asking me to collect one with a split head - or another off school on a day when I thought I had it all figured out.

Add into the mix a horribly aggressive ex.

Or spending the early hours of Christmas day last year scrubbing the landing carpet because the seasonal spew-fest had commenced...

Or because this morning DS's bike gave up (brakes have rusted on to wheels) and I didn't know whether to say "awww too bad' or "let's go to Halfords right now" because there's nobody to ask for a second opinion. So I suggested he took an electric scooter... Which has run out of batteries and I forgot to charge and then couldn't even find the charger when I looked.

It's just a long list of failure.

I hear you all. I'm still coming to terms with my life falling way short of expectations.

Ex thinks he's dad of the year. Conveniently forgetting about the financial incontinence he ensures will happen for at least 4 months each year
Ex 'forgets' conversations we've had but moans and complains if I communicate in writing.

I've given up trying to get him to understand that written words help keep all parties on the same page re plans/arrangements.

He wants everything done verbally, allowing him to forget, confuse, gaslight etc.

I worry that I am too bruised to ever be loved properly. That really saddens me

I think that's just it. As a lone parent You're trying to piece together your life from who you were to who you are now whilst keeping some normality for DC who don't really need to know anything about it. My ex doesn't see DC due to dv but did at one point get a new partner who wrote to me asking for him to see DC as she'd had a miscarriage and "it made ex think about wanting to be a parent again" he was offered supervised contact but never showed up.
He has since had 3 more DC but I don't know if he sees them. I don't think I could forget my DC as quickly.