DS doesn't want to FaceTime Father

[Karma2018]

Hi. DS is 5yr and at present I personally am having a no contact with his father as I have to heal myself. Basically asked for him to have DS every other weekend so I could have some time for me and he said 'He couldn't commit'
So I said ok. He's with me and you are not welcome at my home on weekends. This is my time with my son.

This comment hurt so bad to the core that he would not jump at the chance to spend with his DS he claims he loves so dearly! Note; He has open visits Mon-Friday 6.30 until bedtime. I give them their space. So far he has stayed an average of an hour.

Anyway, he FaceTime him this morning whilst I was cleaning and so missed his 2 calls.
I asked DS if he wanted to FT him he said NO. As he was watching his kindle
Ex texted; 'Good morning. Big kiss to DS. Hope you are ok'

I texted him back stating;
'Hi. DS didn't want to FT you. Have a good weekend'
Ex texted; 'Was he watching his shows? I miss his face. Can I come see him tomorrow 12ish?'
I replied; 'Yes. And no for tomorrow.'
Ex replied; '?'

I haven't answered.
He knows that DS is not really good on FT, but he also knows that when he didn't want him every other weekend he losses his opportunity.
Granted before he could come and go as he pleased.
I have never spoken ill of his fathers behaviour to DS and never will.
He loves his dad.
When I kicked him out we have only said that 'Daddy is going to work' and never made it difficult for him to see his DS.

But now 6 months down the line, new GF (and no! I don't know anything about her or want to know.
But found out he was hiding her from me and they went on holiday in September but hey, that's his issue)
We made a promise not to introduce new others to DS)
And so it's November and he is in 'Good place and happy', asking for every other weekend was reasonable, he would love to spend QT with his DS.
You'd think he would want the same for me?

Assumptions are motherfuckers!!!

Help! Any advice.

It sounds like you have done everything possible for your ex to maintain contact with your son. You have offered him every other weekend which he would not commit to, I would not allow him in tomorrow as you have already told him he is not welcome at your home during the weekend. Stand your ground.

Stop letting your ex come and go as he pleases in your house.

Agree set times and he takes your child out or to his house.

This isn’t fair on your son or you.

First, you might want to get your post edited to remove your sons name as it's rather identifying. Aside from that, I think you're being too flexible as it is. I appreciate you are trying to keep everyone happy but giving your ex open access on weekday evenings is too much IMHO. You are entitled to your own time and space and he is your ex. Stop beding over to suit him. You've offered him alternate weekends and if he gives a shit about his son he would bite your hand off for that.

I agree with pp.

Report your own post MN will edit name out.

Stop him coming to the house.

Offer him what you think reasonable.

Collect from school drop SAturday evening if there has been a long gap since contact building up to EOW.

i suspect your DS will be part of a pattern new girlfriend wants to show he is a responsible dad. so make sure you document everything.

Message I did offer you EOW which you declinded so now we have made plans..Do not explain plans as plans could simply be watching a movie at home.

@TooTrueToBeGood Thank you kindly for pointing out my error!!! This newbie wrote on autopilot.
I agree with your comment.
He has called 8 times this weekend and called to FT DS 6 times.
I didn't answer once.

@Starlight345 You are right and I particularly like your message that I should send him. And I will use it that sentence 100%!

At present I am in a no contact phase with him personally (but I will only answer questions relating to DS. Nothing else. And keep them short and to the point) to try and work on myself. I need to.

Thank you kindly!

You have split up. You need proper access that doesn't happen at your house and doesn't involve your ex having to contact you multiple times a day.

You offered weekends - he said no.

Your current set up allows your ex to call you far too many times, even if you aren't answering.

See a solicitor, get a contact agreement. Then you are done.

@Starlight345
Thank you for your advice.

Can you clarify what you mean when you said;
'i suspect your DS will be part of a pattern new girlfriend wants to show he is a responsible dad.'

Do you think that he NG is putting him up to all this new behavior? Or do you mean Ex is doing all this to show HER he is a responsible dad?

I would understand the former point as anyone in a new relationship would only want to show their best side during the 'honeymoon' stage.

Possibly either.

He may well of spun her a story, I was to see Ds but....

There are many variations on this . New girlfriend more interested in going out than spending time with kids , dc get dumped . He gets dumped Linley .. I will play daddy.

Ultimately your time with dc should not be based on whether you are in a relationship or not . If you see dc eow then that remains no matter what your relationship status.

Some nrp seem unable to see past what partner wants

@Starlight345 This makes sense.
When I offered EOW at his house and he turned it down, it brings me to think that maybe he has already moved in with her and so doesn't want DS at her place.
We have an agreement that DS wouldn't be introduced to respective partners. He even re-iterated it recently in a text last week.
My gut tells me this maybe the case and also as to why he won't take all of this stuff. (Which by the way I have started packing and will leave a bag for him to take every time he comes to visit making sure DS doesn't see)
For now I know, I should just let him do it all (the packing), and restrict access (which for now is not right for me or DS)? but I would rather do myself to ensure it's all gone and he is not going through my things.

Oh pack it all up and give him a time limit to get it out. Put it in garage shed if you have one . Get this man out your house so you can move on

Dont let him see DS at your house...it will be confusing for your DS
is his dad a visitor?? where soes he live etc etc he might not be saying anything yet but it will be in his head...
dad is living somewhere else......it is all a bit blurry at the moment...in my experience children prefer clarity over boundaries

pack it all up .... tell hm when he has to collect it from - you sound like you are not quite over the relationship yet.... the stuff about gf/new partners is red herring really - focus on sorting out access arrangements... and facetime is crap for a 5r old they are always more interested in something else :)

@averythinline Thank you for the advice.
We tell the DS dad is going to work and so far ok.
It may seem strange to you all but it works so far for us all. But I am 100% sure this will change.

Agreed. I've packed his stuff.

Agree about your comment on my feelings. Of course I have feelings for him, and in time they will heal as I work through everything and work on myself. At present I'm in a no contact phase. I only contact him with regards to DS. Absolutely nothing else.

When he came to see DS tonight and saw some his stuff he said 'We should sit down and talk'
I'm not going to read too much into this statement.

I didn't reply except 'Night' and closed the door.

He went off in the direction of the GF house with his first set of stuff.