2 kids, 2 Dads

[Georginaware]

My relationship with my husband has just failed, we were together 5 years and all he did during that time was lie, cheat and play games.

I never wanted to kids with 2 dads, I let him talk me in to it truly believing we would be together forever and ever. I feel like such a failure 🙈

My kids are 7 and 3, he's such an arse he's not even seeing my youngest one so I can't even get out to get some sanity.

Anyone else in the same boat?

You are definitely not a failure! these days different dads is really common, my mum had 6 kids to 3 different men and ive never judged her for it. Does your youngest go nursery?

It doesn’t matter. Your kids have a loving mum and they have each other. Sounds pretty good to me.

Yes youngest goes to nursery in the mornings but I work full time as a childminder...feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes

Thanks for the replies x

I'm considering whether or not to do the same at the moment....except I have 3 😥 is it better to be unhappy with them or single with 3 to two different dads? It's good you have the morning free but I feel for you having even more kids to mind!! I couldn't do it. Do you regret separating or is it just how difficult it is? My partner is very good to us most of the time. He just doesn't want to live together or get married etc any time soon and generally acts like we're not family to him (not spending Xmas with us for eg) only my youngest is his. He also convinced me it was the best idea. I'm going out of my mind. It's catch 22. Do I waste my time on something that's not going anywhere or risk the fact that in all likelihood any decent man is not going to want to take on a single mum of 3 to two different men anyway!? Not that I'd ever want another man lol. Chin up op, you've got this. How long have you been separated?

Only a few months, the final straw was him terrifying my kids, to the point my 7 year old wet himself, he was shouting at us, cut his arm, threatened to get a knife - it was awful. But to be honest it's been far from perfect, all was literally like a fairytale until we got married and I fell pregnant, then a switch went off. He's a narcissist and compulsive liar...couldn't believe a word he was saying in the end. The job is hard, but means I can pick my kids up etc....I just feel like a total fool for believing him and rushing into things.

You are wrong to think you won't meet someone (although I know what you mean, my husband has put me off for life) the right person won't care. It's hard to know what to do, with someone who won't commit. Maybe be totally honest and open and just say if he doesn't pull his finger out you're off?

Omg well you are a million times better off then doing it on your own!! Just be so thankful you didn't waste another minute with him. Well done for walking away. A few months is realitively short, you'll get used to it and get a routine that works for you. Do you have parents that could take them off you for a night or anything so you could get out and see friends? I know what you mean about feeling like a fool. They have a way with words though. It's like someone takes the blindfold off at the end and you see it for exactly what it is.

Funny enough I did actually tell him he may step up or I'll do it myself because being in limbo is killing me as is. He hasn't responded or come back in 2 days. Not a peep. Probably got my answer right there haven't I? Lol.

Hopefully he's mulling it over...seems like guys these days want the best of both worlds...I suppose it's not log really and he's been messaging up to 50 times a day asking to get back together (even tho I just found out he's been living with someone else since a few days after we split, what a catch eh?)
But had to get the police involved and haven't had a message for about 10 days - I feel like a weight has been lifted...
I hope your man comes to his senses and comes back...in my experience the more you put up with the further they push you....it's like a toddler pushing the boundaries!

And no unfortunately my dad died a few weeks after we split and my mum won't have my youngest at the moment, but she said she will when he gets a bit bigger so there's maybe a light at the end of the tunnel!

Well I'm glad he has stopped messaging you. He sounds like a catch you're right! Ha! Feel sorry for the silly woman who took him in. He's obviously conned her too. Men are shitbags. He sounds like the shittiest. Do you have to see him for him to see your dc or anything? I know with the dad of my eldest two it was awkward for the first year or so doing handovers but now it's totally fine, we have a set routine which works and no friction.

Im so sorry to hear about your dad too, that's a lot to go through in a few months. You've had a rough time. Just think of all the possibilities without that ass in your life. Even if you were able to find a babysitter who would have them one night a month to get you a bit of a break. You need to look after you to be able to look after the kids. I personally love the evenings just when mine are in bed. A bit of me time when dp's not here. I did tell him he could take time so I'm not rushing anything. In my heart of hearts I know he loves us, but I don't think enough to commit to us and give up this very cushy, pretty carefree deal he has. I love him to bits, but I'm close to a breakdown atm. I feel like I'm a single mum of 3 with a boyfriend rather than a family with him if that makes sense?

Yes totally makes sense. It's easy for him being able to swan in and out...maybe explain that marriage or living together doesn't mean he won't get to still have time to himself? He does seem very selfish though, it's hard for women because as soon as we have kids our world just changes automatically but for guys it's totally different.

I do have someone who could sit with the boys, I should start going out definitely, I just get so nervous but know id be fine after doing it a couple of times.

Exactly! Everything else in life goes on hold when we have kids, they have to be priority for me. Not for him. He's so thoughtful and very much hands on with the 3 of them. But I spend so much time worried hes going to leave because he has no ties to us that it just ruins everything. Im constantly on edge. He's left quite a few times in the past (not since Dd was born) so I just can't trust him unless there's a solid commitment. Am I crazy to want a bit of stability in my life!? Ughh. I like to think I'm pretty chilled about letting him do his own thing when he wants too.

Is it just that you're nervous of the person looking after your boys? Do you have any mum friends you trust that could do like a swap with? You mind theirs one day and they mind yours another? The mental break will do you the world of good. Before my youngest was born the one night a week their dad has them was heaven lol