Resentment as RP

[Chucklecheeks1]

Title says it all really... feel like I'm the tired and stretched all ways parent whilst NRP gets EOW fun with no responsibilty.

No school run, hair cuts, dr, dentist, homework, worrying about money for trips, uniforms etc...

It seems never ending

Have you suggested a more equal residence pattern?

Did you choose to be RP?

You reap what you sow op.
Remember that...
I dare say my exh wishes he had, at 12+14 my ds's went nc due to lack of parenting.
The relationship you will have with your teen /adult dc is worth every second sweated.

I'm also wondering if you chose it. My DH's ex decided that she would be RP when he left, she didn't give him the choice. Stated two nights a week and the maintenance figure.
He/we play a significant role in DSC's life, but when the ex has previously mentioned (only once or twice as he generally makes sure childcare is covered) why did sorting childcare fall onto her, I did have to bite my tongue when thinking "but you were determined to be RP" 🤨

Residence is due to ExH moving an hour and half away when he moved in with OW.

We dont communicate due to history of emotional and financial abuse. He sees the kids as much as his location allows but location is his choice.

He is a better dad doing it that way as he can't cope fulk time. I accept that. I just need a way to stop feeling resentful.

I have an 12 and 8 year old. The eldest struggles with him and goes through phases of hating him and loving him. We are on a loving him phase so she lies to protect his actions and behaviour. When gis9 criticism of me becomes too much for her the hate phase begins.

Shes waiting for counselling to help her.

Its just tiring knowing this wont change. I didnt choose anything... he decided as he did our entire marriage. Couldnt cope with full time parenting so he does it part time.

I don't resent my kids, the time or money I spend on them. They are my world. I had kids with a partner though and naively thought even if we split we would co parent. Id just like a little bit of the fun with them too though.

Am in the same position OP. My ex also moved far away to be with ow and not for a second did he ask or apologise for leaving me to do all the real parenting. He does eow and half the holidays but as he's a teacher even that isn't a great stretch. I think it says a lot about how this kind of thing is viewed that during our financial negotiations his solicitor said 'well he has them really quite a lot'. Er no, 4 nights a month isn't a lot and he does none of the mental load. But as is evident from some of the replies on here if you admit to resenting it you get accused of resenting the kids.. I don't for a second resent them but I resent the fuck out of him doing nothing and then criticising anything I do that he doesn't agree with from his position of lofty Disney dad who doesn't have to juggle work, kids, house etc.

I hear you. I’m just so exhausted with it that some days I struggle to function. Another lofty Disney dad who can’t so much as play and active role. But I knew he was like this whilst we were married.

Not just you, my ex wanted 50/50 so I agreed. Turns out he didn't mean it and I'm RP with the only break a night every other weekend. I'm exhausted. Worse, he doesn't do anything with his freedom except try to make my life harder. I look forward to the years ahead when the kids are older and realise what a dick he is!

Its exhausting isnt it?

And to the posters who went straight to asking if i wanted to be RP, should it make a difference? If my kids had two active parents am i allowed to be tired then?

People choose to have kids but it doesnt mean they dont find it difficult sometimes.

Any respect my ds's had for their df was chipped away by his Disney parenting.
He tried so hard to turn them against me it totally backfired. They realised how hard I worked at our relationship, at being a dm and they appreciated it eventually!!
Your ex is dicing with resentment in the future ime.

I'm with you OP. My ex moved 40 mins away and has every other weekend. I get to pick the shit up daily whilst he acts like the Disney dad two days a fortnight. At the same time nothing I ever do for the kids is good enough, both from their and ex's viewpoints. It's bloody hard. He'd got a shock coming though, I'm off on holiday for 11 nights as of Friday so he'll find out what it's really like!

I felt like this for a long time OP. I actually had some counselling to deal with it because it was making me so angry. The counsellor herself wasn’t actually very good but it made me snap out of it because I realised that if it was getting to the point where I was willing to spend lots of money to deal with it then it was ridiculous and he didn’t deserve that space in my head or my hard earned money being thrown at it. I made a decision to accept things are what they are and just get on with it. He was never going to change. I had to accept that or I would eat myself up with anger. My anger wasn’t affecting him in the slightest. Just me.