Hi,
My ex and I separated a year ago. We have a three year old. (current age)
Initially my ex was happy to have our DS overnight on Friday's only, and would bring him back by 11:30am on a Saturday morning.
My ex's Mum, our DS's Nanna, has always taken care of him on a Thursday instead of childcare. I didn't think my DS saw enough of his Dad, so suggested he collect him from nursery on a Wednesday, have him overnight, and then his Mum would take over in the morning. (For reference, he leaves the house for work around 6am) Which he agreed to.
This arrangement has been in place since, and he continues to live with his Mum.
He recently started a new relationship, probably less than two months ago. He has already had our son around her, which I don't agree with, and against my wishes he has continued, even staying overnight at her house. I appreciate I can't do a great deal about this and have to trust he is being taken care of.
He is now saying they will be living together within a week or two, and looking for a new place together in the new year. As his new partner doesn't work Monday's (hairdresser) he now wants our DS on a Monday. This is purely on the weight of new partner being able to pick up/drop off as far as school is concerned. I think a lot of weight is being put on the success of this new relationship and my DS's routine. If it goes sour, where would that leave him?
My Ex has somewhat of a drink problem. He absolutely needs a bender over a weekend, hence why he's never requested additional time over the weekend.
He thinks I'm being difficult not agreeing to it. Him having extra time isn't a problem, providing he can facilitate it, at least until it's clear this new relationship will be a success.
Can I have advise on what you'd consider the right way to handle this?
My solicitor agrees with me. And I have suggested mediation to put things in place. He is however someone who thinks he can bully and dictate. I genuinely believe he thinks it will be an argument around a table with a referee. And I will be exposed as a bad mother for keeping DS from him.
As a sideline, he also doesn't pay maintenance. He is happy to pay genuine bills, which currently stand around £22-25 per week for wrap around care and hot meals at preschool. He has also now asked for me to split this (after being in place for one term) given his plans to move out of his Mum's. He would do his best to distort his earnings to the best of his ability to make it so official channels wouldn't be very successful on my side.
Again, advice on Child Maintenance would be appreciated. I originally stated to friends and family I wouldn't take anything that wasn't offered for our DS, fortunately I earn a reasonable living so don't depend on his help. However, moving forward, am I best to safeguard regular payments? If he has packed lunch for example, the school lunch bill wouldn't be payable. The calculator states they'd enforce around £50 per week.
Thanks in advance, and apologies it's a long read!