Do teenage children expect us to swim with cash?

[PollyPelargonium52]

Hi there. I have been a single parent since ds was 5 months old. He is now 13.

A few years ago he was more aware of money and going without and so on. These days all he does is ask ask ask for things.

He knows I struggle. I have taken to writing down everything I spend on him (bar food) to see if it registers. Not helping.

Also he knows his dad only pays £70. How does he expect me to manage?

He cannot pay much as he works part time and is a single parent himself.

I have been ill of late so my earnings are down as I am self-employed.

I am still not well but going to the doctor now to sort etc.

It seems every few days he is asking for something and these are things he simply does not need e.g anothe rgame when a week ago he just got the latest Black Ops 4.

I despair I really do. Does anybody have any suggestions or strategies?

It is true what people say. Teenagers lack empathy. He was better when he was 8!!

If it helps it's normal! Could he earn money eg a paperound etc? Might help teach him its value?

I have a 13 year old DSD. No clue about money, the value of it. Thinks we’re made of it. As above poster said, I (sadly) think it’s normal at this age. She’s started to get an allowance in exchange for help around the house (which is like pulling teeth but that’s a different story). Hoping this will help.

yes I think they do. Mine is 14, he is just starting to realise there are choices to be made. He has just got a weekend paper round earning £28 a month, I've told him I expect him to save half because he has a few trips coming up with Scouts. I'm expecting him to save his spending money. We had some big choices to make this year over finances, I explained if we did A then we couldnt do B. So we had a choice. He has also understood that because of the choice we made Christmas will be skinnier than usual. But its taken a lot of hard work to get him there

My mum was a single parent and I'm embarrassed to admit that as a teenager I couldn't understand why I couldn't have as much as my friends or why my mum was struggling.

Once I moved out and had to start looking after myself, I felt awful about being so ignorant and selfish.

I think having a small allowance or job would definitely have helped with perspective by teaching me the value of money, so perhaps that's worth a try?

It is depressing isn't it. It is always about them. Me me me lol.

The post lady says it is the same for her boy.

Yes it would be great if ds could get a job. However a paper round would never work as he has difficulty getting out of bed in the morning!

I wonder what else there is he can do does anybody have ideas?

I have also told ds there are eight lifeskills he needs to practise weekly in the run up to Xmas if he expects Xmas money. This week it is teaching him a cup of coffee. Last week was a cup of tea. He is so lazy and argues to learn anything. I put my foot down and told him if he expects Xmas to come he must learn to cooperate and grow up a bit.

Children! Pleased to hear it isn't just mine then.

Stick to your guns op. I'd add another life skill to your list. Get out of bed when necessary to earn money.

Li hope you feel better soon

I think it's standard selfish behaviour I'm afraid. Ds1 is the same. So are all his football team apparently, so their mums say. I don't know when the 'realisation' occurs - only when they go off to uni?

My "lazy" boy managed a paper round for two years .I had to go with him sometimes but it was worth it for him to have some money of his own.

Yes it would be great if ds could get a job. However a paper round would never work as he has difficulty getting out of bed in the morning!

I suspect most of us would have 'difficulty' getting up in the morning if we had the option/no responsibilities!

Your son would soon learn that actions have consequences. If he couldn't be bothered to get up, he would lose his job and wouldn't earn money = no nice things.

Have him look into local cafes, pubs & restaurants my eldest 2 started working at 14 doing dishes, veg prep, cleaning down etc they were both earning £100 a week at that age just working as above
Once he is earning himself he will soon realise how hard earning is and he can buy his own games & gadgets

Unfortunately teenagers do lack empathy. You will need to be upfront with your son about your finances. Otherwise he'll never understand. He needs to start learning that if he wants something, he needs to earn it. Start giving him money in return for chores. Especially the things you'd normally pay others to do. Example: window cleaning or maybe car wash? This type of work won't buy him everything he wants at once but will make him realise just what it takes to save up for the things you want and he might even reconsider some of his desires to buy things when he earned his own money.

DS has his own bank account and I put in £40/month.
He uses this for school dinners, bus fares or anything he wants. He has to do his chores and home work (so if one isn't done, he gets less money). He makes his own lunch so he doesn't have to spend on dinner money. It works well for us and means he knows that he has to budget for himself if he wants something, or wait for Christmas or birthday if it's something bigger.

Some good ideas on here. Thanks ladies.