Pregnant and single

[kirstyk]

Hi everyone
Quick run down of where i am.... I'm 32 and i am 20 weeks pregnant with first child. I have got rid of exp(father of baby) as i found out he was cheating on me left, right and centre!! He lives about 250 miles away from me and only keeps in touch, very sparsly, by msn. I have all kinds of excuses off him why he doesn't call, like his phone is down and his mobile bill has reached it limit. I know it's all rubbish, don't worry i don't believe a word he says anymore!! I always get the usual crap about how much he loves me and wants me back so we can be a family, yeh right, but i know he will never change and i can never forgive him for all his lies. It's all talk and no action.
I have never had any money off him and probably never will if i know him like i think i do. My family have been great and have helped me loads. I am not worried about having this baby on my own, but i just wondered if anyone else is in my position? Have you met anyone else as i do worry about meeting guys now and will anyone want me with a baby??
A relationship is the last thing i have time for right now but i'm thinking about the future and having someone to be with. Just feeling a bit down atm and thought i would see if anyone could tell me some sucess stories and make me feel better. I feel like such a mug at picking such a sleaze as a partner and then when we fell pregnant i have now got to put up with him as the father of my child. ok rant over for now, feel a bit better already... for now

Hi Kirsty, Just bumping you up the active conversation list. Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way!

Hi Kirsty

I was in this position, pregnant and on my own. It's very tough, but do-able, and I know what you mean about having to put up with someone for whom you have no respect being the father of your child.

Can't give you any advice about meeting anyone, as I haven't, but you're younger than me with only one child and tbh, I don't exactly try very hard to meet Mr Right! As I'm very happy with my life with my 2 children, and as my mother says, all the shelves I need, a man coming along would disrupt my life and so would need to be astoundingly wonderful for me to be interested. And amazingly, not many men do strike me as astoundingly wonderful. Can't think why. But if you want to meet someone, anyone worthwhile will not be put off by the fact that you've got one child.

I felt very frightened about having to face the future as a single parent, and I have to warn you that when you're in hospital having just had your baby and everyone else's DH/DP is coming in with flowers and camcorders, you feel like shit, but when you go home and you're alone with your baby and you haven't got a parasitic or destructive man being a bad influence in your lives, it is wonderful.

Don't feel bad about choosing the wrong guy - you've had the courage to get rid of him, which many women who've made the wrong choice don't. That in itself is a massive achievement - be proud of it, and yourself.

hi kirsty,congratulations on your pregnancy, been through a similair situation recently slightly different as was married for 9 yrs and already have 3yr ds but when i was pregnant i also found out husband cheated left, right, and centre since then have given birth to my beautiful dd and seperated from "sleaze" as you called them, hang in there its hard with the pain but it does get better and although it may be difficult dealing with him as the father of your child it will all feel less painful when your holding and looking into the eys of your beautiful baby and you will find the strength to be a brilliant parent on your own or not.
And dont worry about meeting guys just because you have a baby there are plenty of "decent" guys out there that will love you with a baby and love your baby too, when the time is right one will come along.

Are you me? my name's kirsty too. I was alone from when i found out i was pregnant, there was a thread on here about being pg alone, seemed to be loads of people in the same situation.

I loved being pregnant, the only tough thing was antenatal classes and all those happy couples. i was just sitting there thinking that half of them will be divorced in a few years! i'm glad that ds wont have to go through a horrible breakup and i love having him all to myself.

I'm trying not to think too much about having someone to be with in the future, it does worry me a wee bit but i'm sure that someone worth being with wouldn't be put off by a baby.(especially a baby as lovely as ds!

good luck with it all

hello, you could be me,

i split from a destructive relationship when i was just a few weeks preg (i didn't know it at the time). when i told exp, he promised to change-give up the booze - be a better man etc etc, i nearly fell for it, but they don't ever change do they. so i carried on by myself. had a lovely pregnancy and the birth, which i was terrified of, ended up being a very possitive experience, all be it one which was hard work!. my mum and sister were with me and have both been marvellous support since. exp is in contact with dd, and although he is devastatingly hansom and very charming i just need to think of him when he's drunk and i feel relieved that he's just not my problem any more. it is hard doing it on your own, when your stuck with a screaming bundle at 3am, it does feel like you are completely alone, but through some positive thinking and talking with the family i have come through the first year; dds birthday is next month, i can hardly believe it. as for the future, i too would like to meet some one nice,kind and loving and as dd and i are a package deal,it's all or nothing.i think it takes alot of courage for a man to take on a partener and child, but that only goes to show their strenght and worthyness. i'm not in any hurry, i've spent too much of my time with the wrong man, i'm planning on university and travel all when dd is ready. mr right can wait a while, don't worry, these things have a way of surprising us. take comfort in the thought that your tiny tot will not be in the middle of too warring parents so will grow up more stable and confident in the knowledge that they are loved, when you meet the right man he will bring even more joy to their lives and yours. so dont worry for now. good luck.

Aww thanks guys for that. Well things just get worse with him, i spoke to his SIL yesterday who confirmed even more lies about him than i already knew. I have asked her to ask his mum who i only met once if she wants contact with baby when it comes but if she doesn't i totally understand. From what i can gather he was nothing but trouble to his family all his life. He is also adopted so she may not think of this child as her blood grandchild anyway. I don't mind either way, at least i can tell my child when they are older that i tried. His newest load of rubbish is he is saying i was never on the pill and i got pregnant on purpose, oh yeh, of course he is such a catch....... NOT!. I told him if i was planning it does he not think i would have chosen someone better than him, idiot!
I wish he would just disappear now as he is trying to get to me by mentioning courts and judges, there isn't a judge in the land when they hear about all his lies (which i have saved in files from MSN) would let him near this baby. I know that but it still doesn't help me being threatened by him, not ideal when i'm pregnant really. Ok i'm through again, best go do some work, thanks again everyone!!

Hi congratuations! You also sound just like me a few years back, was just in your situation. Just wanted to say having a baby on your own, if you have help, is not that bad especially compared to having the stress of a partner who isnt much use. My mum used to have dd for a night every couple of weeks so i could get out or get a good nights sleep, which is more than i get now im living with someone! Anyway, men are not put off by women with babies, many of my friends have got invoved with good partners after they have split from kids' dads. I think it makes you far more choosy cos you dont want some loser anywhere near your precious child, therefore the man you get involved with will be fabulous. My dp and I were friends for about 7/8 years before we got together but had never been interested until i had dd, he was very helpful, even taking me to hospital when i was in labour. We both saw a different side to each other and have been (mostly) happy since, with baby no 2, now 7 mth old. It would be nice if his family could have contact, but as you say, baby will be fine without and you have given them the option. My ex's family have never bothered sadly, but its their loss. My dps family have been brilliant, with his mum calling herself nanna from the first time she met dd. I wish you all the best, but im sure it will be fine . Sorry this is a bit waffley, not quite with it tonight!

Congratulations Kirsty - I have not been in this position but a few of my friends have been and also my sister. She was married to her 2nd husband when she told him on the Wed she was pregnant, he was gone by the Saturday. What a loser. Her ds is 7 today and the xh (w*nker) has missed out once again. Anyway, my sis is happier on her own (though she does miss the sex - but that's about all!).

She coped with her dd and her new ds, probably better than I did - unmarried but living with the father. He was manipulative and an alcoholic and gave me and ds a hard time. I feel ashamed that he is my ds's father as he is such a poor excuse for a dad. (his girlfriend is expecting next year and I feel very sorry for her - his fourth child and 3rd future wife)

My sis has not been short of offers of dates since she's been on her own - but tbh she loves the freedom that living on her own gives her, so she has been known to turn dates down incase she gets too involved.

I have been on my own with ds for 5 years and I love it too. We love going out when we like, doing what we like and eating out when we like without having to explain where we've been and with whom.

You are not a mug at picking a sleaze - we all make mistakes and I know so many people who have done the same, me included. We are better off on our own until someone worth our time and effort come along. Until then, we'll have to hire a gardener to mow the lawn and wash big spiders down the plug holes ourselves - it's not so bad.

My ds (7) told me that he was really happy that he was living with me and his daddy was living with his g/friend - that was good to hear. I wish you luck. xx

Hi Kirsty,

I was also single and pregnant, with a 2 year old at the same time. It's not easy, but you manage because you have to.

You definitely did the right thing getting rid of him. I'm glad your family is such a help for you.

harrassedmum thanks for that it wasn't waffely at all glad things worked out for you!
And Chocol8 thanks for the advice and telling me i'm not a mug for picking an idiot like him. I haven't heard from exp for a few days now as i choose not to answer the phone to him, there is nothing he can say that i wanna hear. I haven't heard from his mum so i guess she has chosen not to be invloved with the baby, well like i said it's up to her but i did try.
Kateand the girls-yes my family are a huge help and it will be great being with them when the baby arrives. I will be fine, as i have to be, i will be a brilliant mum(and dad) and this child will be so loved, actually already is!!
If exp stays outta my life from now on i would be a happy lady, he has made it obvious that we mean nothing to him so i hope he stays away. Thanks again everyone it's a massive help to read your life stories, it brought a tear to my eye that women i haven't even met can be so nice, thankyou so much!!

KirstyK

I can't add anything to the already fab advice, you will be a good mom, actually you are already.

Remember we are all here to talk to. And if you click on "Active Conversations" there are loads of things that you can join in on.

As a single parent off 2. I don't think I could cope without MN, this has been a godsend, keep in touch about your situation, but also jump into other threads, although I WARN YOU, this site is highly addictive

Thanks Kalex, yes this site is good for me but don't have internet at home yet so can only be on during work. I can see how it gets addictive though