Feeling lost - what routines do you have after school?

[LonelyandTiredandLow]

Not really sure where to start, but I'm feeling very lonely at the moment. I'm a LP (ex hasn't seen dd since she was a few months old) and no family. Basically it's been 7 years of everything being on me and I'm feeling frayed around the edges. I love my dd so so much, but I just feel like I want someone to take over for a bit. You know, a mum to come over and help out with the housework or help me cook something nice. I always imagined big family meals with loads of chatting. I'm realising that after 7 years of being alone it's not going to happen and it's pretty depressing.

I've got some good friends but only 4, 2 of which are also single mums (so can't just pop over and have busy enough lives of their own) and the others are both happily married. I'm not exactly jealous of them, but it does feel as if I can't call them in the evenings because they want time with their partners. I've taken up smoking again and am drinking half a bottle of wine a night, which I know isn't loads, but makes me feel like a shit parent when combined with the smoking.

I guess I need some new structure, especially as the nights are drawing in. I just feel like i've lost my map a bit atm. Dd just wants to have screen time when she comes in from school and I'm happy to have a glass and maybe call a few friends for an hour. I just can't seem to muster much else - homework or crafts for example - in the evenings after school. I do dinner, tidy, washing etc and am just tired. I read to her every night and try to get her to do her reading...

Not really sure where I'm going with this but any pointers on structuring evenings so I don't keep on smoking would be great. I'm aware it's the only time I feel like i'm rebelling or making a choice that is for me - even if it isn't a healthy one. I'm worried I'm spiralling and don't really know where else to ask as I'm usually the strong one who holds it all together.

Thanks for reading!

i have 4 kids, 15,10 and two 4 year olds. when the youngest arrive home, i give them a snack (usually just a small orange or banana) and then I listen to them read for 10 minutes each. Then I get them changed and they go outside in the garden to play, while i have some time on my own to get dinner ready, get myself organised and just breath for a few minutes. sometimes we will walk to the park instead, but this happens less often. after i have finished making dinner, I call them inside, and then while they eat i will wash up. once they have finished, i'll give them a bath, put them in pjs and let them play with their toys and watch tv, right up until 7 which is their bedtime. my 10 year olds routine is pretty similar, except he goes to bed at 8:30/twenty to 9, and does his homework instead of reading to me. He gets screen time on Fridays (same as my other kids), but they do watch TV every night.

wishing you all the best x

Thanks sleep. I wish the weather was more reliable for outside play. I think perhaps because she is an only child it's not as fun for her to be outside after school. We had a play date after school today which was fun and has broken it up a bit. We eat together, which is nice and we do reading at bed usually.

I am thinking even if we are watching stuff together it would be good. What would be good for a 7yo and an adult? We've also got into card games...just sometimes feels a bit forced. Any suggestions for games?

uno is always a hit

scigirls and project MC2 are good shows on netflix

If you're going to watch stuff how about nature documentaries? My 7 yo DD loves things like Big Cat diary and it's less mind numbing than Barbie movies or shimmer and shine!! Otherwise how about board games, or story writing where you take it in turns to do a few sentences? Are activities an option, eh Brownies. It's only £2 a week, or swimming lessons at the council pool. Usually about £5 each. I don't get home with mine til 5.30-6 so not so much time to fill. 3.30 til bedtime is a lot for sure. How about a regular play/dinner date with the other single mums.. Take turns to host and you can get some adult company too.

I don't really have a structure. I feel like it's not long till she goes to bed even! Mine only likes to play with me she won't play by herself so I feel awful if I'm doing something else. She watches Tele. Has a bath some nights which takes a long time. Has tea. Hardly any time for playing! But if we do play I just so the usual really, play her games with her. We've been on a bike ride before but now it's dark so prob won't happen now. And she sometimes plays with her friends across the street. Prob no help is it!

Wow - thanks for the responses!

We've been enjoying Uno and 8's/rummy. I'd love something a bit more educational, but without being obviously so... She struggles with her writing a bit and it's a huge challenge to get her to write much at home tbh.

We used to do an instrument but she really doesn't like doing things in the evenings in the winter - so I'm saving my money this year.

Documentaries are great for me but weirdly she says she doesn't like them. Maybe i'll try again in a few months. Bake off used to be a good one actually - not seen it since it moved to 4 !

perhaps you could try going swimming once a week together? i know she doesn't like doing things in the evenings, but maybe if you both went in the pool together?

I started crocheting a year ago it would keep your hands too busy for smoking. It is so much fun most of this years Christmas pressies are handmade it's so lovely to see a project come together. If you enjoyed it maybe you could teach your dd and you guys could cosy up on the sofa togeather for an hour after school, have a chat or watch a film?

My 2 both struggle with their writing as well so I understand how you feel. To try and help them, they both have penpals they write to in America which has offered lots of practise (but they're still not great).

Hangman is quite good for writing and spellings. With Christmas around the corner, she could also write to santa maybe?

I think as mums we can all get stuck in a rut in the evening sometimes, so don't be too hard on yourself.

I'm not a smoker so not sure what to suggest. Does your GP offer any stop smoking programmes?