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Can he reduce child maintenance without notice or discussion?

5 replies

Falulah · 21/10/2018 21:35

Ex partner DD's Dad has written in the contact book that because I have been disrespectful to him (in his perception - the only thing I can think I have done is just that I have simply not responded to his attempts to meet up and chat about parenting as he has requested - due to the fact I still get PTSD flashbacks from any contact with him - even seeing contact book on the kitchen side gives me chills and chest tightening). We had shuttle mediation and every that was incredibly stressful and fruitless as he would not agree to anything unless it's exactly to the letter what he wanted.
The contact book is court ordered to be used to communicate about DD's day to day wellbeing. During this threat in the contact book, what he wrote to me was insulting, accusatory and hostile etc. I have been nothing but civil and focussed on DD and facts.

He wrote that the "consequence" of this is that he will reduce his contribution and that he is no longer willing to "go out of his way to support me financially" (he makes no mention of DD, he thinks the money he pays is out of his good graces to help ME out)
He said he will now only pay what the government would assess that he "owes" me, which would be a £75 a month reduction all of a sudden - coupled with this I have just moved house and increased my outgoings so that me & DD can live in a house with a garden & that decision was based on the fact he pays me £200/month as part of my budget as to whether I could afford to make the move.

I don't know how I would find that extra money in an already stretched budget, I have already stopped having haircuts myself & don't buy myself clothes, don't have any beauty treatments or waxes myself etc....make my own washing liquid, food shop in small quantities to avoid waste, frozen food etc, rarely travel to visit friends or go out to do activities myself, don't have gym membership or expensive phone contract, I don't drink or have meals eat out.

The person who will suffer is DD as I will be stressed and worrying about money even more, I will feel I can't take her places eg. softplay or days out etc. It may even result in me not being able to pay my rent. But he hasn't discussed any of this with me or tried to reach a new agreement, he has just told me he will be reducing his payment. Also what he has quoted that the govt would make him pay if we went through CMS, doing my sums, I can tell is based only on a disclosure of his property in London that he rents out to tenants, meaning that he's calculated it by ignoring any of his other income from work - he does work part time and I know he used to get £40 an hour and more for bigger jobs. He also drives 2.5 hours each way regularly to see his long term girlfriend as she still lives in London so his outgoings that I know of already, are already more than the income that he has used to make the calculation. And it is exactly what I know he rents the property out for per month

What can I do ?

OP posts:
ohamIreally · 22/10/2018 06:03

You can claim via CMS and they will base it on his earnings declared for tax. If he's self employed and dodging tax however he may get away with it.

Frouby · 22/10/2018 06:19

Claim via CMS.

Only ever write in the contact book what you absolutely have to that relates only to the needs of your dd. Don't acknowledge or respond to anything else in it. Had one ordered when dd was little. It ended up being a court ordered abuse tool.

The second time ex took me to court the judge saw straight through ex and my solicitor used the book to prove lots of stuff.

user1493413286 · 22/10/2018 06:31

I would start a claim via CMS as you don’t know what he should actually be paying, it’s only based on what he’s saying. If it turns out he’s right then sadly you have to accept it but at least then it’a not just on his terms with him controlling it.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 22/10/2018 19:55

This was a hard lesson for me too. You can't rely on maintenance in any way. I get mine paid into a separate account it's not even included in my budget anymore. If it piles up we go on holiday and such like.

Exh started fucking me around with money when I met someone else. So I went through csa. Naturally he stopped paying altogether while they assessed him so he prepared for that next. He's self employed so pretty much set his own payments.

Starlight345 · 23/10/2018 07:57

Do you have an idea of his income put it in the cms calculator .

Technically if he is paying cms rate yes he can . Morally not right but those will be part of his games

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