Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Would you let exh look after dc in your home

11 replies

inmyshoos · 19/10/2018 22:55

Split almost 2 years ago. 2 dc together dd10 and dd12.
Ex moved very quickly into another relationship. Moved in with her (2 hrs away) Dds dont want to stay over with him, they get upset and cry. So for the past 3 mnths they havent gone overnight.

If I'm honest it has deteriorated since the new partner. I'm not sure why, I'm quite happy for him to move on but I suppose I hoped he would remain friendly and still be a good dad to the girls. At the moment he is literally having the girls a few hours on a Saturday every other weekend.

I had a thought tonight that perhaps I could offer that he comes and has them overnight in our home (previously the marital home) Part of me obviously hates this idea, I don't particularly want him there. There's a history of EA (So as not to drop feed) but I also want to try and foster a good relationship between him and our daughters.

Is this a terrible idea?

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyshoos · 19/10/2018 22:55

Drip* not drop Grin

OP posts:
Caselgarcia · 19/10/2018 22:58

Yes, it's not for you to 'fix' his relationship with his daughters. It's for him to work it out, he moved away.

Phillipa12 · 20/10/2018 05:45

Agree with Casel its not up to you to foster a good relationship between your exh and his dds, hes an adult and perfectly capable of doing that himself...... if he wanted too.

Hellywelly10 · 20/10/2018 06:14

I dont think you should offer your ex a sleep over at yours. If you were going away that could be an exception perhaps.

safetyfreak · 20/10/2018 06:16

No I would never do this. I just wonder why your girl do not want to stay the night? Do they not like the new partner?

theboxofdelights · 20/10/2018 06:27

No I wouldn’t do this, I had to consider the same situation a few months ago. Your home is your sanctuary. It is really important to me that my home is my place.

CupoBlood · 20/10/2018 06:56

It's something that you would struggle to get of again if you found it unworkable.

Imagine the dc love it, how would you be able to stop?

It's his problem to fix. He cleanly doesn't want to otherwise he would!

thethoughtfox · 20/10/2018 08:45

Don't. It also makes it easier for him not to engage with the child and just watch them play or put on a DVD. If he has to go out, he has to organise something.

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 12:12

no i did this with ex (lived 2 hours away and he had lodgers so no space for the kids) it was a very unpleasant experience! never again.

Seniorschoolmum · 22/10/2018 07:38

Staying over is a bad idea. Your ex will assume he can come and go as he pleases, he’ll be asking for a key with a couple of weeks and then he’ll think he has access to your bed.
Also very confusing for the dcs who will see you getting back together.
I let my ex use my house when he sees ds on a Sunday but only because I don’t want ds to spend four hours on a motorway in all weathers.
But I go out, or work in the garden. I don’t interact with him except basic hello/bye. He doesn’t stay or have a key, he stays downstairs and I don’t provide food so they have to go out to lunch.
I’ve established clear boundaries and it works best for my ds but I’m still not keen.

Fatted · 22/10/2018 07:42

Have you asked DC why they don't want to go? Personally I'd be working on getting to the bottom of that first.

But like others have said, it's his problem really and if he was bothered he would find a solution. The fact he hasn't speaks volumes.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread