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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I really dont know what to do for the best please help

35 replies

mojosmum · 15/06/2007 10:20

hi,
i have dd age 6 whos dad kindly the day i told him i was pregnant told me he was married i did the right thing & called off the relationship but told him if he wanted something to do with the baby that was his right.

for the past 6yrs he has come in & out of her life very irregularly & it is now starting to affect her. she regularly asks does daddy not love me? i never slag him off to her but really dont know what to say for the best.

he has lead me to beleve that his wife is very accepting of my dd but i find that very hard to believe as im not sure i would want to accept a child born in that way.

he will not talk about his actions & regularly becomes verbally agressive [ as dds 5th bday party for no reason at all he thretened to f*ing hit me] yes admittedly i will be verbally agressive back & have alot of angry towards him about the way he has treated dd but i have never threatened violence. i dont believe he would of carried it out be the threat was still said.

he makes regular financial payments & has always been consistant in that way but he seems to think that that gives him a right to irregular involvement with dd i have told him that if he wants to walk away i will not stop him but he says this is not what he wants.

he admits his irregular contact has in the past been an attenpt to hurt me but its only hurting me cos its hurting dd.

have also recently found out he has been advertinging as bi curious on a website which the person who gave me prove of this said that maybe why hes so irregular as hes confused but i will not except that as your sexuallity should not charge you comittment to your child.

sorry to go on but what do you think i should do regarding his & dds relationship????

OP posts:

Original poster

mojosmum · 18/06/2007 07:45

dd was sick in the night that normally puts me on a downer but an determiner to have a good day today not going to be able to buy book but will lok on line & have found a note book in the cupboard & will be ringing docs at 8:30am when they open.
also plan on attempting to show my assertiveness to dds dad when he rings & attempting to sort out acsess once & for all & im not going to let him make me cry & give in to his demands wish me luck think im gunna need it

OP posts:

claire2510 · 18/06/2007 07:51

Well congratulations on attempting to start a positive day!! Good luck with the ex and just remember when you look at him or hear his voice think....your a loser but thanks you for giving me my georgeous DD!! You being strong and picking yourself up will show him and the rest of the world you can do this!!!check on you later!!

Original poster

mojosmum · 18/06/2007 08:50

have sponke to him did cry but it was from frustration told him my idea of acsess then he went quite & when asked to give an answer went off on one about its me who wont sort out acsess so i told him thats whati was trying to do now & that it was him who wouldnt sort it by giving me an answer i told him i wanted to sort it so it wasnt just my decission when he saw her as i an going to the solicitors to get it put in writing so we both know where we stand he then got argessive saying well you best tell them how much maintenance you get then i carmly told him that i have noted his request & will make sure i do that for him to which he had no responce it feels good to have the upperhand for once.
i have make appointment for docs for the 25th june as could get no earlier with the doc i trust.
now have a blocked toilet & waiting for council to come out & sort it normally id be having a breakdown by now but im not i feel a million times better than i have in the last few mnths but still think the councelling would be a good idea so i dont get that low again.

thanks so so much i could never imaging that someone i have never met or know could help me so much in so little time but i do know ive got alongway to go but i do feel great today i feel like ive lost 2stone overnight lol

OP posts:

claire2510 · 18/06/2007 09:18

Well flipping done you. You have handled the situation great and you should be proud of yourself! As for the toilet issue well that is fixable and just one of lifes little problems. Life will never be trouble free but in time the little and big problems wont bother you so much! Keep a diary of your conversation today with the ex and always do what your saying. Dont carry out idle threats act on what you say and show him you have the upper hand! Cos you have!! Well done....have a good day and remember your strong hes weak and you are important!!

Original poster

mojosmum · 18/06/2007 09:39

thank you am just about to contact solicitors now & ring job centre cos i need a new jod im a childminder & its a very lonely job so think i need somethingelse

OP posts:

Original poster

mojosmum · 18/06/2007 17:47

had a better day today starting to feel abit down now but not as much as before

OP posts:

kel4mum · 18/06/2007 17:54

Mojosmum why are feeling down hun? I know it's hard but you need to be positive.
If you want to talk then i don't mind listening.

Original poster

mojosmum · 18/06/2007 18:09

i just feel i started the day on a high but that just seemed to drop about 2pm maybe its just me being impatience & wanting a mirical & want life tobe great. i dont really know what it is

OP posts:

claire2510 · 18/06/2007 18:20

Your expecting too much of yourself too quick. You need to set yourself small daily tasks to do and aim to get them done and focus on the positives. It is so easy to think doom and gloom all the time! You need to take small steps and give yourself time! Easier said than done but i am living proof that you can come through this. Stop rushing yourself and just relax a bit more! Remember the good things in your life like DD and mumsnet...lol.....!!!!hope you have a good evening i am so tierd im going to bed when DS does! The emotional stress of seeing the ex and DS meeting him is making me feel very starange. So the sooner Sunday comes the better. Having said that he may back out yet as you know how reliable ex's are but he gets one chance and Sunday is it!

kel4mum · 18/06/2007 18:23

IKWYM. I usually start feeling down about then too. The day starts to drag and even though ive got the kids running round i find it hard to get motivated.

Im also very impatient. I want things to happen straight away. I never had anyone to talk to about how i was feeling thats why i thought i would try MN and its help a lot.

WE need to stick together and give each other support through the hard times. thats why i love MN so much ATM.

You will get through this. Be strong.

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