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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

why do i feel so low about exp getting married when we have been split almost 2 years

12 replies

snowwonder · 14/06/2007 20:29

i have been doing do well, but he told me last week that he is getting married in augast and to be honest i am gutted, still cant quite believe that i heard him right,

obviously i am jelious because we never got married and we had children together, but i hadnt quite realised how badly this would affect me..........

we have been split for almost 2 years.....

OP posts:

ConnorTraceptive · 14/06/2007 20:34

Even though you are not together at some point you loved each other enough to have children together and maybe somehow it feels like a slap in the face that he wants to marry this woman but didn't marry you.

I may be wrong but i think you might just be feeling a bit low in a 2why wasn't i good enough to marry2 kinda way.

tell me to shut up if i'm wrong though

ConnorTraceptive · 14/06/2007 20:35

that should be "why wasn't i good enough to marry"

ChorusLine · 14/06/2007 20:39

I watched my X XP get married on the internet on Friday - I felt really . We still get on quite well and I do like his 'wife'.

MrsWho · 14/06/2007 20:48

I am more bothered about my xh telling me his gf is preg (shes not but I know she loves kids but he had HepC so don't know if he could anyway)

I am so broody and its the main thing I am still mad at him about -he messed up my family plans

Elasticwoman · 14/06/2007 21:00

It's not that you weren't good enough to marry. It's that you didn't insist upon it before committing to him. He took advantage of your good nature. Learn for the future.

Original poster

snowwonder · 14/06/2007 21:01

ohoh chorus that was brave

i suppose a baby will be next for my ex and hopefully i will be a bit stronger by then.....

i hate feeling like this about him, because he was so cruel to me when we were splitting..

i wonder if i need counselling to try and let go of it all,

In a way i wish i had found out after there big day and not before....

i just still feel really sad about what we had and what we lost- our girls are gorgeous.. and i really wish we were still together, but we are not and i guess there was always a little hope we might get back together so i guess this is the final nail... and i have to realise we are not and move on.....

OP posts:

Original poster

snowwonder · 14/06/2007 21:05

thanks eleasticwomen- wise words that make a lot of sense...

life goes on and to everyone else i seem fine and i dont open to them...i go to work everyday and put on a happy face when inside i am crying ...

i did go to counselling when we first split maybe i need a booster.. but maybe they will laugh at me and tell me i should be over it by now

OP posts:

ChorusLine · 14/06/2007 21:17

Sorry I should have probably added he is not DS dad, although he has seen more of him than DS dad. I also lived with him while I was pregnant - a whole other thread!!!

My friends said they would not have wacthed but i just had to - there was no sound so I put the link on here to see anyone else could hear!

Hope it gets easier for you {{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}

nightowl · 14/06/2007 21:24

i felt awful when my ex got married and we had been split up 6 years! im not sure why as i have no feelings for him like that. i saw ds in his wedding get up and thought that it should have been us he was watching get married.

probably didnt help that i couldn't stand his bitch of a wife and was really good friends with his gf before her...if he'd have married that one i would have been invited!

im not sure what bothered me so much. maybe i was jealous because his life seemed to be going so well when mine was a shambles. childish moment of "you dont deserve this-ness, you're too much of a horrible person, how come someone loves you enough to marry you blah blah"

Elasticwoman · 15/06/2007 10:18

It would be nice to think that when one's ex marries, he has learnt from past mistakes and will be a better husband after experiencing what can go wrong in a relationship.

Original poster

snowwonder · 15/06/2007 11:35

yeah it is just a shame someone else reeps all the benifits, and me and the girls dont,

also surprises me that he had to cut the maintenance money as he couldnt afford to pay as much, yet he has bought a brand new house and now a wedding....a big wedding at that...

bitter old cow me you know.............

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 15/06/2007 13:49

Sounds like you need a good solicitor, Snow. Failing that, try the CAB for free legal advice.

People will behave in the way that they can get away with. If your ex is getting away with not honouring his responsibilities to your children, complain about it loudly to your MP.

Is it any easier to get realistic maintenance from an absent father if he has been legally married to the mother? I don't know.

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