Advice re 10yr old dd and ex husband

[mustIreally]

Just looking for some advice really.( First time poster)

We separated 18 months ago. He left after months of just not getting on anymore. Been together 18 years. 3 children 10,8,6. I was a sahm for 4 years then worked pt (by time he left I was doing 28 hours). I did all childcare, housework etc and basically I had enough and had been asking for him to step up and be equal in things. Turned out he didn't like that so he left.

Eldest dd was heartbroken. Daddy's girl and he can do no wrong. They've just come home from a week with him (school holidays) and I just found a note from her to me (in her hand while sleeping) saying why aren't we together- She misses him and a piece of her feels dead inside as he's not here and we don't do things as a family. I'm just heartbroken for her and I don't know what to say or do.

Me and him do actually get on and we do do things together- sit at school concerts, have birthday teas together etc but im not sure if this makes it harder for her to deal with.

I have told her (and the other 2) that its not anything they've done. That we both love them and we'll always be there for her. I just wonder if there is anything else I can do or say to help her adjust. I know it's more intense right now as they are just back from his and it will calm down. I just think it's hit me harder as it's how I've been feeling too. It's not that I want to get back with him. I don't. He was really hurtful by the end and neither of us were happy. But i guess I'm just sad that my ideal family unit just isn't going to happen. I know it's not the end of the world but to her it is (and I was her when my parents split at the same age so I know how she feels). It's just so hard. Sorry for long post.

Poor munchkin, that must be hard. At least you are civil with each other so you can unite over the important stuff. Might she be happier living with him? Is that an option?

No it's not really an option tbh. He works full days so I'd end up doing all wrap around care then he'd just have her at bedtime. Honestly I think she'd not like it long term and I don't think he would want it. That was part of the issues that he needed "time off" after work and not deal with the kids. And also i would hate it!

He sees her pretty much 4/5 out of 7 days as he picks her up from evening clubs etc (Ok it's only for 5 or 10 mins but she loves that). I can speak to him about some things but emotions he doesn't really like to deal with.

I thought about getting her to speak to someone but no idea who could help. Or books etc.

If she were younger I'd suggest play therapy, but maybe there is some sort of counselling service out there geared to her age group? Maybe a professional could help her come to terms with everything.

Thank you for the suggestions. I'll look into counselling for her but I don't think there is anything where we are. Will sit down with her today and see how she's feeling.

Have you spoken to school. My son was given Elsa support and play therapy. Now he is in secondary school he has Elsa support still and counselling.

I've not heard of that. I'll look into it thank you. I've not spoken to school as she's generally fine but might be worthwhile. Thanks.