Judgemental People

[user1499979813]

I am a lone parent with a six year old Son with ASD. Sometimes he is the best behaved child you could wish for, but other times I really struggle when the challenging behaviour starts.
Today while in Aldis my Son ran off into a very busy crowd. When I caught up to him he was selecting a Magazine he gets on a regular basis. After that my Son just didn't want to go around to get my messages and threw himself down in the isles and ran off quite a few times. A bit on edge after the challenging shop we had, while getting my shopping through the tills I asked my Son to take and hold his magazine as he usually would, today he ignored me three times until I changed the tone I spoke to him and he took the magazine. The couple behind me obviously watching and judging the situation decided to speak about me. The man was exceptionally rude by telling his wife I came across as "rough". To be fair it does not look good when you are telling off your child in public, unfortunately that's usually when my Son's challenging behaviour starts and I admit I was stressed by the time I was at the till, however I did not shout at my Son although my tone did change to a more severe one to get his attention. I am wondering if any one else experiences this type of reaction from strangers and how do you get past feeling judged unfairly.

develope a thicker skin.

ive had ALOT worse than that tbh.

I have no experience of this but my first thought was to have a simple explanation printed out on paper perhaps explaining your sons difficulties etc and explain not all disabilities are visible and judging doesn't help anyone. I'd have 3 or 4 at all times in my handbag and I'd hand one out nicely with a smile on my face any time anyone judged me.
Or maybe thats a tad OTT.

^^ unfortunately there is alot of stigma about. when explaining my daughter has asd i got “know the wonder she has a mental illness with a mother like you!” honestly its not even worth trying to explain to some people as alot of people are ignorant to disabilities.

That's terrible that complete strangers can be so cruel! I try to ignore comments and the fact I feel like I am being judged, but I do obsess about these types of things

I was in a similar position one. Dd kicking of, lady tutting behind me. I turned round and pointed to the lady and told my daughter, see this face? I don't ever want a stranger to be making that face because of your behaviour again. It worked two fold, one contrite daughter and one embarrassed lady.

Mumunderthemoon that sounds like a great way to handle rude judgmental people x

Yes people are rude . I was telling my Ds off one spinning round with a trolley in his hand pretending to be a ballet dancer 🙄. It was last aisle he has Adhd . It was the only going to get worse . A man told me did I not remember what it was like to be young. Oh yes I do however I don’t plan to pay for him to smash a load of stock.

My point really is though ignore them . Read mn so many people judge on a snapshot. No idea of your reality

Asda seems to bring out the worst in mine. Every single fucking time they act like they've eaten half a pound of sugar at the circus. I hiss, snap, yell and drag. Tbh I'm too busy trying to achieve half the shopping list AND keep control of them to even notice the faces of others.

Meh. Let the wankers judge. Parents of kids our age will sympathise!

You can't win you really can't. Once I took the dds to do the Xmas food shop in Sainsbury's. I knew the queues would be grim. I took the iPad and my phone and gave them one each. They were quite happy sitting in the trolley think they were 1 and 4 and they tolerated a really long shop. The comments I got Christ you would think I was torturing them not using the electric nanny ;-)

Why don't you do the food shopping online?

I don’t shop online as Aldi is much cheaper.

Yes I agree but I do half Aldi and half Tescos. Though some weeks it is a struggle to get up to the £40 minimum shop or there is a £4 fee.

It is often older people who are like this and I wonder if it's largely to do with how society use to hide any disability away. My dad didn't meet someone with Down's syndrome until he was in his 40's because so many people where just shoved into institutions for not being 'normal'.

Some shops are doing special shopping with dimmed lights and no music. I know Morrison’s do it.
I don’t avoid shopping completely as the children have to be exposed to the real world in manageable chunks

Luckily my DS isnt too bad any more, but he can still have his moments where I have to be quite stern with him. He did it the other week in the opticians. I could see the ladies were getting frustrated with him. I just kept correcting him and did my best. He wasnt misbehaving as such, just running about and not sitting still. I dont want to go down the route of having to disclose his behaviors (undergoing multi agencies diagnosis), as its no ones business.

When he was younger and having a tantrum or playing up in public, I would find all the watching eyes and comments so humiliating . As much as it upset me, I had to keep in mind that I do not know these people, their opinions dont matter and if I give in it is showing my son that his behavior us acceptable. Lets face it, children play up, some times for the fun of it, but push our boundaries. But when they are younger is the time to play up. Imagine the criticism we would get if our older childen were being shits in public. I would rather a few comments made about me telling my young child off than and older child who should know better!

You really do have to keep in mind you are the parent and no one else, especially a strangers opinion should matter.

Now, at 4 years old, I am often told what a wonderful little boy I am raising, so I can deal with the 10% where his a handful.

One a lighter note, what adult loves food shopping, so I doubt any child would lol. Plus I always give a little smile when I hear other parents shouting at their kids. Makes me feel part of a tribe haha. We aren't the only ones