Nothing I do is good enough for ex

[notenoughbottletonight]

I've been divorced from my ex for eight years. I have a residence order and a contact order for my two boys aged 12 and 9. Contact order states six hours on a sat and sun every fortnight. The last two years I've increased it to every other weekend from
Friday to Sunday. Sometimes ex comes and takes boys to their sports practice and games which is four times a week. DS 12 has ALN specifically dyslexia and developmental co ordination difficulties. He's in an ALN class at school so he gets extra help. There have been lots of teething problems. Ex lives 30 miles away. I do everything, school runs, appointments, etc Ex gives me shit over everything. Nothing I do is good enough. He's just been on holiday and I haven't had a proper break for nearly three weeks. He can't see DS has problems, says he shouldn't be in that class, means at me constantly about their sports, that I should be doing more, I shouldn't be going out ever. When I can't find kit sometimes for matches, tho I do find it in time, he says I should be spending g all day in house doing stuff for the kids. Criticises me for not working even though DD 5 is autistic and I can't get term time school hours. I'm meant to be going on holiday with 'boyfriend' who is also problematic, next month and he's meant to be having the kids. Keeps threatening me saying he won't have them. He's just blocked me on what's app do I know there is trouble coming. I feel tonight like I'm about to break down, I can't cope, my anxiety is horrendous. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I just don't know hats expected from me. I can't do anymore to please anyone else. My parents have boys once maybe twice s week so I can see my friends etc They are also always on my back. Both them and ex don't think I'm a good enough mother and I feel like I'm collapsing under all the pressure. I just needed to put this somewhere because I literally can't cope tonight. My head feels like it's going to explode.

Kids are generally badly behaved for me, they also don't think anything I do is good enough. If they sleep at my parents they kick off massively. They physically fight, always asking for stuff which I can't always pay for. Next week we're going on a very expensive holiday of a lifetime, i keep explaining that I can't afford anymore and just get shit from them too. Youngest is just like his dad, not his fault, but the pressure is immense

Yes - you will cope.

Stop putting other people before you.

Get rid of the problematic boyfriend. You don't need that shit right now. & At least you won't be looking for childcare for the 91 spend with him.

Call your ex's bluff. If he won't have the children then so be it. Minimise speaking to him. You're no longer together, he shouldn't be like a tired radio show in the background of your life.

Talk to him about contact - nothing else. Don't listen to his moaning. Put the phone down if necessary. Don't give him the time and space to spew his criticisms at you. He's no right.

Tell your parents that get off your back and that they are adding to your stress. Can't your friends visit to you, even if it's just once a week?

If you can't face telling them all, then stick it in an email
or text.

It will be hard to do all the above. No harder than putting up with people who are emotionally draining you tho.

Hard as it is you may have to be prepared to spend more time with your children right now. Just the way It (unfairly) is for mums sometimes People often use the fact that they're involved in caring for your children as a stick to beat you with. Take that perceived power away from them.

Get some support from lone parent organisations.

Do whatever it takes. But the main thing is, lose the men. They are the biggest stressors in all this.

Stop trying to please anyone
You don't need to have conversations with ex
Ditch the boyfriend
Get some counselling for you
Ask to do.some parenting classes so you don't feel.alone and can get some strategies to try