Ex Dh has moved on so quickly

[citylover]

I'll keep this brief as I am a bit rushed but wanted to vent.

We split up last August after 15 years and divorced in Feb at his request so he could apply for an IVA.

Amicable on the surface but I am bitter and resentful about how he treated me and the children. ie he was always depressed, grumpy and generally quite selfish - he ended up having a financial meltdown which resulted in us selling the MH.

Howeve I also wanted the marriage to end as I could see it was very unhealthy for all concerned.

Since then its been generally OK - he does not see them as much as we agreed as he finds them very stressful. This means he has plenty of freedom whilst my nose is pressed firmly to the grindstone I work ft and barely have time to do anything. Love living with the DCs but of course at times it gets stressful.

Now he has met someone new and despite saying he never wanted to live with anyone again is planning to move in her in the next six - nine months.

Alright he is entitled to of course but I am worried about the impact of this on the DCs in the limited time they do see him they want his full attention which is already being diverted elsewhere. They haven't seen him for the last three weekends because he has been working overseas and last weekend he phoned them from somewhere deep in rural France. He has borrowed her phone to phone them (as he is stil using DS1 phone which won't work overseas) and they weren't allowed to phone him back. Usually when he is overseas he can't wait to call and give his hotel details so that we can call him back so it goes on our phone bill!!

Yeah I am pretty p*ed off with developments - what's the big rush, I say. But I am neutral about everything in front of DCs and realise that ultimately it is none of my business what he gets up to.

TBH I would quite like some male company but amso wary of rushing into anything and don't think I could live with a guy again. I like my independence after years of being told that what I was wearing was awful, what I was watching was dumbed down, that the house wasn't clean enough blah blah

Also my time to see someone is severely limited.

I think, IME, it is usually the men who move on quicker and it is always a shock for the woman.

This happened to an ex boyfriend of mine. One minute he was begging me to come back to him and wanted to marry me etc etc and, 6 weeks later, his new girlfriend was pregnant.

I don't know if it is because they don't feel enough in the first place or they don't place so much importance of the grieving process or what but it is extremely common and very distressing.

Sorry you have to go through it

Hopefully once things settle down with the new woman he?ll get back into things regarding seeing DCs. I don?t have any experience or knowledge of this I?m afraid, but I wanted to bump it more than anything!

I think it?s natural to be pissed off at this sort of thing, and think your feelings are compounded because you?re not ready to move on yourself. But you did separate 10 months ago, and that is a long time (though obviously not to you!). I don?t know why you separated or who instigated it, but if it started with him, he may have been ready to move on a while ago. Sorry if this isn?t what you want to hear.

Thinking of you and your DCs.

i do understand where youre coming from,
but if you split last August then its been quite a long time: nearly a year!

And its not like hes moving in with her straight away,six to nine months is quite a while...i met someone six weeks after leaving dp and moved in after 2 weeks.
Think you should move on.

It's stranbge isn't it ?

My bf split uyp with her h after about 10 yrs last year - she had already met someone but hadn't strated anything - but I think it was what she needed to move things on and finally finish with her h.

He was devastated - but immediately went online and found himslef a new lady friend - they are still together now. My bf split with her new chap after a few months -and is incredibly resentful about her h's new partner, she hates the fact that he is happy.

I don't get it really - does she expect him to cry and be alone for the rest of his life ? I think he needed someone - and he found someone - good for him !

Yeah my DB is exactly the same.

It just brought it all back to me that he is probably giving all the same flannel to her as he did to me at the beginning an throughout to be hones. I was paraded around a bit like a trophy an he was never entirely honest with me and very secretive about many aspects of his life. When I used to press him he would say' I am a very private person' Yeeuch

At least he didn't ask to borrow my phone!!

Well I thought I had moved on tbh, was quite happy to get divorced etc and in no way want him back as living with him was unbearable.

but I suppose its just the added complication of possibly dealing with another person. And I freely admit would not particularly like to have another woman looking after the DCs. Does anyone?

He is often critical of my parenting and am sure that might be conveyed to her.

Whether it will affect the DCs any more than they have been. There has never been much self reflection on his part about anything.

Blimey, in that case good luck to his new woman, sounds like she's going to need it.

I think you and DCs are better off without someone you can't trust or rely on!

It is possible to have another women helping with your children and not minding , i dont mind for a start! my ex dp has a really sweet girlfriend, she has never done anything to harm me so why would i mind her helping ex dp to look after my dd?
it all works out quite well for me, and i get lots of time away from dd at weekends!

Wow AGBU that's fast! How did your DCs cope with that. Who's house are you living in? Presumably it must have been love at first sight?

I have moved on in many ways I am certainly up for a bit of lighthearted fun with someone and met a guy earlier on this year who I got on really well with - unfortunately he was only here temporarily (might be back in September). Fingers crossed!

But I like my own spac, would want to wait a long time before introducing anyone to the DCs and I think the 15 years with now ex have made me ultra cynical.

Living with him just meant more work and emotional angst with nothing much in return so the thought of living with someone is a complete turn off! And I am certainly not ready to cope with the dynamics between my DSs and and a new man. I feel that they need time to get over the split first (they are 10 and 5).

Ex Dh said last year he would never live with anyone again so in that respect I am suprised, I must admit. I think this is more about my issues with him than anything else. I certainly haven't got over them.

(Bet the new lady doesn't know he has a female 'friend' in a country he frequently travels to who he has 'fun' with!! )