Its so hard

[DocusDiplo]

Isnt it

Tired and stressed and negative...

It is really really hard.

Anything making it particularly shittier today op?

Hey fruitshot

Just the feeling that there is so little time.

Kids moaning and being monstrous and that is making me feel stressed. And then losing my temper and feeling terrible.

Guilt that theyre not doing lots of extracurricular activities like their peers.

Anger at their dad for just Leaving. Abandoning his duties. A couple of yrs ago now.

Brain hurts from planning and juggling

FOMO feeling hearing about activities other people are doing.

Money.

House v messy and dirty and overwhelming.

Tired, lonely. Noone understands - it seems like.

Not a lone parent, so won’t chime in as that would be shit.

You’re the one who stuck around and your kids love you so deeply, so unconditionally that even when you think you’re messing it up, you’re not in their eyes.

Hold on to that.

Can't imagine what you are copying with but sending best wishes 🌹🌹

Aww thanks both, that's sweet.

It is always OK in the end. Must remain positive.

I understand.

What's that tag line you hear, "women, we can have it ALL"

No, we can't, eventually a ball will be dropped, something always has to be sacrificed somewhere.

Then comes the guilt. The anger and the guilt. Then just the anger. Which eventually makes you sad and resentful.

It's a cycle.

I have been exactly where you are describing. Does it help to know at all that it won't stay that way? That I can promise things will change? Maybe little bits, maybe big bits, but eventually the puzzle will get fucking easier and you will get some relief.

Every day that you go to bed and the kids are still alive and have been fed and watered, you have achieved something.

Yes, you are right. My eyes are closing so will type proper reply tomorrow!

DocusDiplo I came on here about to post something similar. Sorry you feel so shitty at the mo, hopefully brighter this morning. It really is so difficult. My brain hurts with the amount of things I am expected to remember or anticipate or pay for or deal with. On the one hand I love being a mum and would choose this everytime but on the other hand I can only presume there's been some sort of universal mix up that I've been left to deal with all this shit by myself since my exH fooked off.

When everything builds up like you describe it does leave you feeling negative and overwhelmed. Hope you find time for a little pause or change of scene (even a different, mindful route to work).

Whilst I've been writing this I've got on the wrong bloody bus

@namechangedbutneedadvice I hope you too manage some brain space today.
Sorry about the bus 🤦🏼‍♀️

I also was going to come on and type something similar.

Exhausted with it all. Everything down to me- all the time. Every little bit of thinking/organising. Stuff you never think of like harvest festival costume organising/paying club fees on time. Exhausted with their never being any one else I can defer or delegate too.

Also- lately I am actually jealous of sahp or part time working parents. Which is ridiculous- I hate being jealous.

Just want to rant really- everyone else- you have my sympathies

It is really tough - but it won't always be. I've been a single parent for 15 years now, so my DC are late teens.

There were so many occasions when I felt over-whelmed, exhausted and like I was endlessly teetering on the edge of a precipice, where just one thing would send me into the abyss.

Huge, huge hugs to those of you struggling today. I've been there and it is crap. However, it only gets easier and the sense of achievement when you look back at what you've done and you see your DC start to fly with their own lives is worth it all.

Hang in there!

Thanks.. I did the same bloody thing on the way home! Just got on the right bus again

I could have written what you've all said. I crave quiet and peace but have this heavy sad feeling that time is passing too quickly. I'm so tired and living on my nerves and worried that I'm not giving my DDs a good enough life, a calm enough role model.

wonderful wonderful women. As I read your stories, I just think it is SO WRONG that we get left to pick up the mess, sort the children, pay the bills, deal with the cooking, washing, shopping, collections, drop offs, school issues, homework, emotional stuff, the LOT and these men just waltz off into the sunset, find another poor unsuspecting victim and start the whole process off again..

My soon to be exH has now done this 3 times, has a selection of children dotted about that he neither sees or pays anything for. It just cannot be right and I am wondering if we shouldnt set up a big database naming and shaming all these useless fathers ?!

What do you all reckon? Would it be a goer?

You can tell I am angry today. Just fed up with how unjust life is for poor women.

I could’ve written your post, sounds like many of us feel the same.

Lucky to have a nice and supportive ex for my 2 younger boys he pays his maintenance and drops everything If the kids need him. However older kids dad is polar opposite pays nothing and eldest refused to go there now.

I am knackered, we currently homeless in temp accommodation so in limbo, all our stuff is in a container. Kids have no bedroom as such as 3 beds in one room so no room for anything else. I work as a nurse part time and between kids the house and work I’m totally exhausted and fed up and skint. Eldest wants to leave school and I’m worrying about money. Anyway just wanted to say you’re not alone, I’m hoping things get better soon everyone

I’m feeling exactly the same too!

Maybe it’s the overwhelming feeling of a new term/year and settling in with all the changes.

I too feel I need some peace but then when my children go to their dad’s I miss the noise and chaos!

My ex keeps on giving me no end of aggro and playing games. It exhausts me. I try and ignore it to my best but sometimes it all just gets to me!

I do know for sure though I’m glad I’m not him, so that makes me smile x

OP

You’re children aren’t living in high tension witjnlarenes that despise each other
Your children aren’t witnessing screaming arguments or silent rages

It’s not a bed of roses, but don’t worry about your children. It’s children living in the above two environments that are having a shitty childhood. But on paper, all is well because they have two parents together

That is a good point notsohorriblehistory. Although they have recently started saying "its so hard being from a divorced home!". It is true and I am glad they are open but try & look at the positives, kids! My DDs friend said to her recently when she was here for a playdate: "you are lucky to have a mum like that", which really made my day.

Oh, poor namechange - what bad luck with the bus!! Hope you had a good podcast for the longer journey! So true about making small things joyful, sounds like such crap, but being able to enjoy my walk through park to work does make me happy - and a quiet 30 mins lunchbreak :)

Oh kaykay that sounds horrendous - I do hope your housing gets sorted soon - that sounds incredibly stressful - well done for plodding on - will you have a new place soon?? How long have you been there? Hope kids are seeing the "fun" side and novelty of camping out together :(

Goldie, that is a good idea but some of them can be so charming and such good liars that it may not deter some women!

On good side today, my new boss was being v v sweet today, made me feel very confident & hopeful with regards to my career.

On the boooo side, I lost temper when doing some homework with them and so was not the cosy learning opportunity I really wanted it to be. I feel like I need a second parent around...

Sorry to others I havent mentioned in person, so nice to read each comment and be able to completely understand what you're all saying!

@DocusDiplo I lose my temper all the time (I have a really shit fuse 😬) and there is now a second parent around too!

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Absolutely feel for you. So hard to be the parent taking it all on. Hugs

If it helps another one here who feels the same. It's all just so overwhelming sometimes, others so drudgingly boring.

Can you find some time for YOU somewhere? I joined a gym - am definitely not a gym bunny but they have a free creche and a cafe so sometimes just to sit in peace was all I needed to recharge a little.

Struggling here atm. It's all on me to keep a roof over their heads, feed them, get them to college and school.

I'm in bed and have been for an hour as usual, I'm just so tired. Dd2 has just told me she has a sore throat so I'm getting up to get her paracetamol. No doubt she is getting tonsillitis again which means a few days off school for her which will involve me getting into shit for her not being in school again. We always visit the gp for a diagnosis and usually antibiotics but why does it always come down on me and not her dad.
He chose to move away with his gf, he chose to not take part in their schooling yet I'm the one who gets the arsey letters saying her attendance is low as if I am her only parent.

Hey TopBitch, did your DD get poorly again? I am hoping it was a fase alarm for your sake (and her's!).

My ex also moved away to be with a new GF - snap!

Weekend has some work and chores plus. And I guess they will want feeding again!