Court papers

[SiempreDot]

I've finally got the court papers from my ex. I'm really terrified about the whole process and having to face in in a room. He's very difficult and intimidating and I'm dreading being in a court room with him.

Can anyone tell me what the family court is like, so I know what to expect, what do say, what not to say etc.

This is a helpful bit of the CAFCASS site. Lots of good resources on here

www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/

Have you a sensible friend who could come with you as a Mackenzie Friend? Someone not too involved?

Dear SiempreDot, There is absolutely nothing to be terrified about the court. The people in the family court 99.9% of the time are you, your barrister/solicitor and your ex and his solicitor and of course the judge. You will not be questioned about anything in the first hearing. Just have all the numbers clear in your head or a piece of paper, make sure your barrister knows what you want + what you can let go +What is absolutely non-negotiable. You will be more than just fine :)

Thanks for your advice.

I guess it's just a really daunting prospect. I'm terrified of being in the same room as my ex.

In the last few weeks, he's stolen my bank card to check my income and request statements, rooted through my belongings to take photos of bank statements and tax credit statements and gaslit me, telling me he'll turn up at a certain time and then said it never happened. Does anyone know if this can be used in court? It's not a safeguarding issue in how he is with DS but I wonder if it could be raised?

Have you been to the police about this?

Hi Bert,

I've not been to the police. I'm not sure what they could do and I'm a bit scared of it being perceived as incendiary.

Would you think it would be worth raising? Do you work in the law?

He went through your belongings and stole your bank card ? How ? If he has access to your house, think about changing the locks .

I'm a family solicitor.

Yes, you should raise it. It is extremely controlling behaviour and needs to be considered in terms of keeping handover safe.

And stealing your bank card is theft. You need to tell the police. Even if they take no action this time it starts to build a picture.

How did he get in your house to go through your papers?

He told me he just saw my documents lying by the front door when he dropped my son off so he had a look. But that's completely untrue, they've always been in a file in a sideboard drawer. He used to have a set of keys but I made him give these back in May. Some of the letters he's referring to came in July and I'm worried he may have had the keys duplicated, as he's never been in my house without my these since that time.

Sounds like you need to change the locks.

The police don’t investigate burglaries anymore they will most likely say it’s a civil matter. My ex husband broke into my house and changed the locks on me while I was visiting family abroad. He stole items from the house and every bank statement and every receipt so that I couldn’t prove proof of purchase of anything for my insurance claim. Police asked him to come into the station and they didn’t even charge him or talk to either of my neighbours who both saw him and wanted to give statements that they saw him stealing items from the house. Police said they can’t prove who owned the stuff taken even though he moved out last year and they wouldn’t do anything.

I have found family court very very frustrating.

My judge was away with the fairies to put it lightly she was on his side and has asked me to prove the domestic violence even though he was arrested for assaulting me before and she only interested in arranging contact when I had tried to arrange it in a contact centre but my ex refused then she ordered it should be in the contact centre afterall. Well duh, it could have been if he had just agreed

She also ordered that I should have to pay half of my ex’s court fees becuase he had stolen my post so I didn’t attend the 2nd court date which I was waiting to hear about becuase I genuinely didn’t know, as he had taken the letter from my house. Under the postal act this is supposed to be illegal. Police did absolutely nothing. It really wasn’t fair. He left fingerprints on the door from the oil when he was changing the locks on me.

Hope you get a nice judge, I think it’s better to have legal representation as they might refer to items in court like article 19 etc in the bundle of paperwork and you will then be asked about it by the judge and have to speak up whereas if you have a solicitor they can speak for you.

caring policeman not solicior! I also had the anti theft locks when he broke in so they don’t work lol but yes you should change the locks for your own safety

Bert,

I reported this to the police via 101. She wasn't really concerned. Didn't take any details from me. She seemed to focus on more the taking my card and money and was asking if I wanted to report a theft. I was tying to explain its about what it represents, in that a pattern of behaviours to control. Feel really despondent.

Ask the court for Special Measures to be put in place, this means a screen will be put up between you so you need not worry about that.

Also bring a pen and paper to write everything down that the judge orders on the day and dates of other court dates if you are not getting a solicitor.

You have to ask the court in advance for special measures otherwise they won’t set up the screen thing around your chair.

Have to spoken to womans aid? They might be able to go to court with you